my journey, 25, male, PMO since ~11, 100% ED, done with this shit forever, it did enough harm

[swimmer97]

Hey @swimmer97, so sorry to hear about this brother.

I get this. I know it can feel like you've returned to your old ways and self again and that there's been no "progress" but it's simply NOT the facts. You had a hell of a streak, only proving that you really have gotten over this, but there might be a few bumps in the road here and there.

This is absolutely true. You're the same guy as you were before, but now a little smarter about this. Was there something in particular that made you go back? Or had it been building up and you just weren't acknowledging it? I know when I've relapsed in the past, there was always something I was not addressing, something I was unhappy about in my life, or, not admitting to myself. Search inside and see what that was for you.

I know you feel like crap, but it takes balls to come back on here and tell the truth, and I completely respect you for doing that. I haven't lost any faith in you. You CAN do this. You HAVE done this. Take it from me, throwing yourself into ditches of despair might be a legitimate feeling but it won't help you in the long run.

Fuck yes!

You got this man. Learn from what happened, and let's keep going when you're ready to jump back on the train.

Love
Blondie

sorry for my late response.

thank you for your words brother, i have read them and they helped me a lot.

i broke up with my gf some weeks before. actually not because of anything sexual but because i didint love her anymore and couldnt imagine living the rest of my life with her.

Being lonely again and drinking cofferin lead to me wake up one night. being fully pumped by dopamine and in complete zombie mode. at least it was very short and "only" some pictures on reddit. Still it was a fat relapse for me.

I thank god did not binge or anything. In fact i am in a flatline since this one relapse in early april.

My journey is still the same, for me its all about my sexual health.

 

[Blondie]

sorry for my late response.

Hey @swimmer97, no apologies.

i broke up with my gf some weeks before. actually not because of anything sexual but because i didint love her anymore and couldnt imagine living the rest of my life with her.

I get this. Breaking up is a hard thing to do and it can put you in a real bad place emotionally (I've been there) so I hope you're not too hard on yourself for slipping up. If that's how you felt too, then it was the honorable thing to do. Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do, so nice job.

Being lonely again and drinking cofferin lead to me wake up one night. being fully pumped by dopamine and in complete zombie mode. at least it was very short and "only" some pictures on reddit. Still it was a fat relapse for me.

Yes, I get this. Do you not drink coffee these days or had you had too much? I'm pretty sensitive to coffee as well and only drink a small cup every morning (or two shots of espresso) but anything more than that and it has to be decaf.

I thank god did not binge or anything. In fact i am in a flatline since this one relapse in early april.

This is really good, nice job.

My journey is still the same, for me its all about my sexual health.

This is great. Let's keep moving on @swimmer97.

Best man
Blondie

 

[swimmer97]

Day 30 (probably more days by now but this is a good number to start again)

I get this. Breaking up is a hard thing to do and it can put you in a real bad place emotionally (I've been there) so I hope you're not too hard on yourself for slipping up. If that's how you felt too, then it was the honorable thing to do. Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do, so nice job.

thank you. it was for sure the right decision. feeling lonely sometimes sucks but thats part of the deal. overall i know that i decided right.

Yes, I get this. Do you not drink coffee these days or had you had too much? I'm pretty sensitive to coffee as well and only drink a small cup every morning (or two shots of espresso) but anything more than that and it has to be decaf.

normally i dont drink at all because it for some reason leads to urges for me. I was actually not drinking coffee that day i was drinking some form of black tea drink that has also little coffein in it. it was unfortunately enough to make a big urge. one learning is to stop caffein at all. maybe 1 in the morning can be fine. i will see.


i deleted some sentences here that i see now more as whining than a mindset that brings me forward.


lets keep going

 

[Blondie]

normally i dont drink at all because it for some reason leads to urges for me. I was actually not drinking coffee that day i was drinking some form of black tea drink that has also little coffein in it. it was unfortunately enough to make a big urge. one learning is to stop caffein at all. maybe 1 in the morning can be fine. i will see.

Nice job being mindful of what does it for you @swimmer97. Yes, nothing wrong with a little experimentation and seeing what is best for you.

i deleted some sentences here that i see now more as whining than a mindset that brings me forward.

I don't think I saw what you wrote, but hey, there's nothing wrong with just getting "it" out of your system. I know I've had plenty of moments doing that on my thread.

it was for sure the right decision. feeling lonely sometimes sucks but thats part of the deal. overall i know that i decided right.

Yes it does, but I've been in relationships before where I felt "lonely" too because it was the wrong one, so I would rather feel lonely out of one than inside of one.

You got this.

Best brother!