I notice my mind is very sexualized! When I go to sleep, when I wake up, at random moments... I wish it was not like this, it would certainly make my life easier. Not only I have a porn addiction, I also have a sex addiction; the worst part of this is when I try to quit one I default back to the other (so I must quit both, luckily for me I do want to quit both).
I do envy those people who have a much more balanced libido and also have stronger morals that help them out in restraining from imprudent behavior. Unfortunately I don't have such morals; or at least I don't think I have them. I also fall for the wrong women, and I guess I am the male version of falling for the "bad boys" that women experience, in my case falling for "bad girls". Not that I am having any social interaction with the opposite sex at the present moment. I am taking a break from that, having seen how threatening my bad choices can be for my emotional health and all of that.
Just venting I suppose. Wish that my subconscious mind would go easier on me, but it does not. The thought of me being a lost cause has crossed my mind, and it is an honest thought. Not that I believe that, but logic makes me admit that possibility. Of course, it is one possible outcome of many possible outcomes.
Modern people are bashed in with information and content. I cant even focus with all the crap and micro addictions I have developed (videogames, social media, streaming services, you name it). Feel like I need a retirement from post-modernity, because I am trapped. Go back to my books, my writing, my meditation, my workout.