Ok what the heck is going on with my recovery

hervesta

Member
about 5-6 weeks ago I suffered an extremely terrible withdrawal phase where for about 10 days I just was assaulted by high anxiety, depression, insomnia, stress-starving, lack of boners of any kind, intense flashbacks and intrusive thoughts, and soooo much more stuff. Then after that, about 5-4 weeks ago it was like I was a lil over half way healed, I had MW and nocturnal boners every day, I'd even have some mid day erections which is good cause I am suffering PIED rn, I had basically no memory of porn, and twice out of the seven days I had shots of natural libido for real girls which I have not had in over a year... then I lost it again for a week, then got it back this time slightly better but only for 5 days; which brings me to today, for the past 4 days I lost it and don't see any signs of it returning. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?! Am I actually healing or am I trapped in an endless cycle where I am broken to then almost healed then to broken again?
 

Sangiha

Member
Hey man,

I am in the same situation. On day 65 of hardmode and i am going through painful cycles of having few good days and few days where everything is so dark with feelings of being broken for life. Sometimes this cycle change every other day or so. But I am seeing it as progress since for the first 40 days or so it was complete darkness, no libido, dead dick, depression anxiety and more. I am positive that this cycle will slowly get better where better days are more frequent and darker days start to diminish. Lets stay strong and come out of the other side. Porn is not an option.

Best of luck!!
 

Cp6uH

Member
Oh my god,I am experiencing everything exactly as both of you described it.Now I'm going through the 5th or 6th flatline but they say that with time it gets better,however this flatline now may be even worse than the first one(which should be lognest and the worst as they say).I don't know about you two but for me those feelings of darkness like anxiety,insomnia,anhedonia,fatigue and overall sadness is all caused by the fact that my dick is completely dead,I've even had regular MW but now fucking nothing at all.The most devastating thing is that you are begging to think "Awesome,I'm cured I finally did it my dick is alive" and then suddently out of nowhere big fucking disappointment...I'm on 100-ish day of my reboot(relapsed 3 times in the first month) so let's say on 70+ days hardmode.Don't get me wrong I have 100% faith in the process but my lifeless dick is just destroying me inside and I only wanted to express my feelings about it,there was no intention to depress you in any way.
 
Hey, guys!
Exactly what I have been feeling here. I am 60 days into hardmode. During the initial phase of the hard mode, I would sometimes test and indulge in some 'realistic' fantasy and could get close to 100% erections feeling I was completely healed. But after I quit fantasizing and testing my dick doesn't respond as much as it used to. Once I got a morning erection that didn't fade for 5 minutes even though I was standing up. But that happened only once and I find it weird. And I suddenly felt completely healed. But after that, all my morning erections fade within a minute or a few seconds of standing up. It really is a horrible rollercoaster.
 

Cp6uH

Member
Hey bros,a little update here and also an observation...It is incredible how much impact liveliness of dick has on men's mood and spirit.Today I woke up with MW but didn't think much of it because I was sure that I'm still flatlining.I invited my gf over to hang out,rewire and that stuff already "knowing" that flatline is inevitable.However it wasn't the case,my dick worked almost all the time while we were making out(going from 70-100% up and down,not ideal still I'm satisfied) and now again I feel like I'm almost there just a few more days till recovery.I won't get my hopes up too much in order to not get disappointed again even though I'm so ecstatic and overjoyed right now but I just wanted to point out that flatline comes and fades away in vicious cycle,and we can't do anything about it except wait and not dare PMO.Best of luck for all of you guys,keep me updated on progress and I know that eventually all of us will be posting in "Success Stories" section just trust the process.
 

Sangiha

Member
I?m glad to hear your progress. I am now on Day 71 of hardmode, but peeked on day 50 for about 10 minutes which set back my progress a little bit. I agree that my day is completely determined by my libido and my penis. If i wake up without MW and shriveled dick it ruins my entire day.. i try not to let it occupy me too much but its extremely difficult. This feeling is just unbearable sometimes. Hoping to see the light soon but i think i might need well over 90 days. PM is never an option anymore and this feeling i have now is a strong motivation to never go back again. Good luck everyone! This thread is giving me a bit more hope during such dark days.
 

hervesta

Member
Hey guys my bad I took too long to reply, thanks for all your feedback. Glad to see I am not the only one going through this and seeing that it means I am healing definitely. I just hit day 150 and now I am more optimistic about me healing fully soon. I am praying that this month will be way better than the last month in terms of progress, and I hope that I'll be fully healed between days 180-240.
 

hervesta

Member
Cp6uH said:
Oh my god,I am experiencing everything exactly as both of you described it.Now I'm going through the 5th or 6th flatline but they say that with time it gets better,however this flatline now may be even worse than the first one(which should be lognest and the worst as they say).I don't know about you two but for me those feelings of darkness like anxiety,insomnia,anhedonia,fatigue and overall sadness is all caused by the fact that my dick is completely dead,I've even had regular MW but now fucking nothing at all.The most devastating thing is that you are begging to think "Awesome,I'm cured I finally did it my dick is alive" and then suddently out of nowhere big fucking disappointment...I'm on 100-ish day of my reboot(relapsed 3 times in the first month) so let's say on 70+ days hardmode.Don't get me wrong I have 100% faith in the process but my lifeless dick is just destroying me inside and I only wanted to express my feelings about it,there was no intention to depress you in any way.
same dude, someone asked Noah about that on his recent QnA live stream along the lines of "why did my heaven phase go away even though it was like I was healed" and he said that it happens to literally every rebooter fighting PIED. That it means you are healing even though you are in another flatline (because if the healing isnt physical it's mental). He said that PIED recovery is always up and down, never a linear process BUT that even though you go up and down in what you can see, healing is done every single day you don't give into porn. If I were you I would not worry about it until you hit day 150 though. Because young rebooters like us take on average 180-210 days to heal.
 
Cp6uH said:
Hey bros,a little update here and also an observation...It is incredible how much impact liveliness of dick has on men's mood and spirit.Today I woke up with MW but didn't think much of it because I was sure that I'm still flatlining.I invited my gf over to hang out,rewire and that stuff already "knowing" that flatline is inevitable.However it wasn't the case,my dick worked almost all the time while we were making out(going from 70-100% up and down,not ideal still I'm satisfied) and now again I feel like I'm almost there just a few more days till recovery.I won't get my hopes up too much in order to not get disappointed again even though I'm so ecstatic and overjoyed right now but I just wanted to point out that flatline comes and fades away in vicious cycle,and we can't do anything about it except wait and not dare PMO.Best of luck for all of you guys,keep me updated on progress and I know that eventually all of us will be posting in "Success Stories" section just trust the process.

Hey, man that sounds amazing! Any updates on the situation?
 
Also, do you guys think that spending excessive time on YouTube mimics Porn patterns even if I am not deliberately looking at something sexual. Could this be something that can be setting one back in terms of constantly firing dopamine receptors with artificial novelty on screen? Wow, now that I write it like that, I think that I have written the answer itself.
 

hervesta

Member
JnanaYogiKarmaYogi said:
Also, do you guys think that spending excessive time on YouTube mimics Porn patterns even if I am not deliberately looking at something sexual. Could this be something that can be setting one back in terms of constantly firing dopamine receptors with artificial novelty on screen? Wow, now that I write it like that, I think that I have written the answer itself.

Depends, do you still get urges to watch porn? if you do I would say to stop cause that may make you get urges or the "boredom" to start to snoop on porn sites. Other than that, no you'll be fine in terms of recovering in itself, there are very few super stimuli that exist (one of them is actually gluttony, in fact your favorite food fires off more dopamine than sex) if I were you though, if you wanna go hard mode, abstain from youtube and wasting time in general. The change in environment actually helps you fight the addiction. I personally still suffer from PIED, however I have not had an urge to watch porn in 80+ days.
 
Depends, do you still get urges to watch porn? if you do I would say to stop cause that may make you get urges or the "boredom" to start to snoop on porn sites. Other than that, no you'll be fine in terms of recovering in itself, there are very few super stimuli that exist (one of them is actually gluttony, in fact your favorite food fires off more dopamine than sex) if I were you though, if you wanna go hard mode, abstain from youtube and wasting time in general. The change in environment actually helps you fight the addiction. I personally still suffer from PIED, however I have not had an urge to watch porn in 80+ days.
Hey thanks. No I absolutely haven't had any urges for porn thankfully.
 

Cp6uH

Member
Hey, man that sounds amazing! Any updates on the situation?
Yeah...Tried PIV sex 3 days ago but failed.When I needed to put condom that's when things went downhill.Ahh,I mean of course it's performance anxiety due to my previous failures but still tell me this: Isn't it that every guy or almost every guy has some sort of performance anxiety when having sex for the first time ?Of course they do we are humans it's normal thing but in most cases dick was stronger than anxiety.In my case anxiety prevailed which means I need more time.It is around 90 days hard mode for me.I trust the proccess!
 

Sangiha

Member
Yeah...Tried PIV sex 3 days ago but failed.When I needed to put condom that's when things went downhill.Ahh,I mean of course it's performance anxiety due to my previous failures but still tell me this: Isn't it that every guy or almost every guy has some sort of performance anxiety when having sex for the first time ?Of course they do we are humans it's normal thing but in most cases dick was stronger than anxiety.In my case anxiety prevailed which means I need more time.It is around 90 days hard mode for me.I trust the proccess!
What is PIV sex? I think your body is just not ready. Did u have the feeling of dead dick the day of sex? I’m at day 83 still flatlining. Nocturnal erections but nothing else. We just need to let our brains heal longer.. i’m excited to reach 90 days but also worried that I’m not healed yet. We got this brotha stay strong and dont stress too much. Patience is key
 

Cp6uH

Member
What is PIV sex? I think your body is just not ready. Did u have the feeling of dead dick the day of sex? I’m at day 83 still flatlining. Nocturnal erections but nothing else. We just need to let our brains heal longer.. i’m excited to reach 90 days but also worried that I’m not healed yet. We got this brotha stay strong and dont stress too much. Patience is key
Well,it is kind of weird feeling but I'll try to explain(about dead dick).I have 0 urges to watch porn or masturbate or fantasize about sex(symptoms of flatline),however lately whenever I rewire with my gf I get spontaneously hard and not lose it for quite some time,which meant for me that I might be ready.When it came to real deal I just wasn't there in a moment,worrying about putting a condom and not being able to penetrate bcs it will go limp and bro what can I tell you...my worries became the reality.In my opinion it's just that when nothing is expected from me I can stay and enjoy the moment and automatically get hard.In opposite situation it's just anxiety that almost every guy has for the first time which is unfortunately still stronger than my dick so I have to wait more.
 
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Sangiha

Member
Well,it is kind of weird feeling but I'll try to explain(about dead dick).I have 0 urges to watch porn or masturbate or fantasize about sex(symptoms of flatline),however lately whenever I rewire with my gf I get spontaneously hard and not lose it for quite some time,which meant for me that I might be ready.When it came to real deal I just wasn't there in a moment,worrying about putting a condom and not being able to penetrate bcs it will go limp and bro what can I tell you...my worries became the reality.In my opinion it's just that when nothing is expected from me I can stay and enjoy the moment and automatically get hard.In opposite situation it's just anxiety that almost every guy has for the first time which is unfortunately still stronger than my dick so I have to wait more.
Seems like you are getting closer. I have been noticing more frequent and significant MW and nocturnal erections but i still know i’m in a flatline. Just cuz you feel slightly better doesnt mean you are ready i guess. Once you are fully healed you’re anxiety will go away on its own as you feel more comfortable with your gf. Good luck bro
 
Hey i have completed one month with no P,M. very less fb,insta just for reading memes. Even i am confused what's really going on.sometimes i get harder woods for longer time and sometimes loose woods. Sometimes i get angry frustrate for no reason in my workplace.sometimes my dick size gets soo small and sometimes its large .when i stood up i loose erection.when i do sexting with my partner i get erection just by touching my dick but again loose when i stood up.i feel like masturbation when i share nude pics wid my partner.
Any suggestion would be appreciative.
Any idea what's really going onnn??
 
Yeah...Tried PIV sex 3 days ago but failed.When I needed to put condom that's when things went downhill.Ahh,I mean of course it's performance anxiety due to my previous failures but still tell me this: Isn't it that every guy or almost every guy has some sort of performance anxiety when having sex for the first time ?Of course they do we are humans it's normal thing but in most cases dick was stronger than anxiety.In my case anxiety prevailed which means I need more time.It is around 90 days hard mode for me.I trust the proccess!
Exactly what happened with my PIV attempt before my reboot. When I just cuddled and lay there beside her with no pressure to perform I got hard but without constant stimulation and the hassles of getting a condom on diminished the erection to the point which I couldn't penetrate.
More time and more rewiring seem to be the only cure for us maybe.
 

Sangiha

Member
Hey i have completed one month with no P,M. very less fb,insta just for reading memes. Even i am confused what's really going on.sometimes i get harder woods for longer time and sometimes loose woods. Sometimes i get angry frustrate for no reason in my workplace.sometimes my dick size gets soo small and sometimes its large .when i stood up i loose erection.when i do sexting with my partner i get erection just by touching my dick but again loose when i stood up.i feel like masturbation when i share nude pics wid my partner.
Any suggestion would be appreciative.
Any idea what's really going onnn??
Seems like you’re brain is freaking out a little trying to heal yourself from the addiction. What you are describing sounds like symptoms of PIED but not the most severe one. Dont worry too much about it. You will slowly become more and more stable as you stay away from PM. you must stay away from PM, that is an absolute must. No peaking, no edging, nothing. And its also best to stay away from ejaculating for a few months, its proven to be the fastest way back to normal. I understand its tough when you have a girlfriend, and u can still recover while u have sex but it might slow down your process in the beginning. Later down the road sex actually helps complete the full rewiring of the brain, but since the brain is so used to Orgasm in the beginning, it automatically links any orgasms with porn related pathways and it makes it tough. Stay away from instagram/youtube/tiktok thots and even nudes from your girl will dramatically slow down your recovery since they fire up the same dopamine pathways as porn and masturbation.
Theres a whole lot more to speed up your reboot but i wont go into all of that here, check gabe deem, pmoflatline.com (scandinavian bob), Noah Church, and Gary wilson’s videos on youtube. They will answer any questions you might have i guarantee it. Best of luck!
 
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