Question for partners of rebooters

Sangiha

Member
Hello,

first of all i want to applaud all of you ladies who are on this forum trying to help your partner get through this addiction. I am in a tricky situation and I wanted to ask for advice from another gender’s perspective.

I am in the middle of my reboot (about 100 days in), still struggling with erectile dysfunction and some depression. My girlfriend left me about a year ago, I broke her heart by being numb, depressed, and emotionally unavailable. Her leaving me was a huge wake up call and I have been really trying to improve myself and get my mojo back. She recently contacted me to let me know that she really wants to get back together and make things right. I am so happy to hear this and my hearts want her back. I am afraid that i am not sexually ready to see her just yet. I am thinking i need at least a few more months. I explained what i am going through and that i might need more time. She seemed confused that i wont see her even if i want to but she is very supportive of my journey. I am scared that I will let her down if I saw her right now..

Do you think I should take more time to fully reboot myself to see her again? Who knows when that might be.. or should I see her knowing that I might fail in the bedroom?
I am so torn. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Can you talk to her and take sex off the table for now? Perhaps explain porn addiction and it’s effects and tell her you need time. You can kiss cuddle even give her pleasure if she needs that. Just ave an honest open discussion.
 

bob

Respected Member
Express to her your desire to cherish and love her but you are scared of your previous challenges. Open up to her as much as is prudent and be there for her as much as you can. Gracie has some great thoughts. Maybe take sex off the table; at least for you. Show her love and respect but stress that you want to be "well" to be the best person you can be.

Peace

One last point. I think you are on the right track in trying to understand the partners point of view. We don't realize how much our behvior has impacted our loved ones.
 
I would see her and let her know your situation. There are many things you can do without using your penis. In my experience good head goes a long way. Penetration is not everything. I would take this opportunity to be creative.
if I were you I would perform oral, and who knows you might get turned on while doing so. Don’t make her wait, this is a great opportunity and I am very happy for you!
Good luck and let us know how it goes!
 

Sangiha

Member
Can you talk to her and take sex off the table for now? Perhaps explain porn addiction and it’s effects and tell her you need time. You can kiss cuddle even give her pleasure if she needs that. Just ave an honest open discussion.
Express to her your desire to cherish and love her but you are scared of your previous challenges. Open up to her as much as is prudent and be there for her as much as you can. Gracie has some great thoughts. Maybe take sex off the table; at least for you. Show her love and respect but stress that you want to be "well" to be the best person you can be.

Peace

One last point. I think you are on the right track in trying to understand the partners point of view. We don't realize how much our behvior has impacted our loved ones.
I would see her and let her know your situation. There are many things you can do without using your penis. In my experience good head goes a long way. Penetration is not everything. I would take this opportunity to be creative.
if I were you I would perform oral, and who knows you might get turned on while doing so. Don’t make her wait, this is a great opportunity and I am very happy for you!
Good luck and let us know how it goes!
Thank you all so much for your sincere responses, I really appreciate it.
I decided not to wait to see her since I miss her so much and I’ve been extremely lonely in this recovery journey. I told her about the possibility of me not being sexually ready... and she seems confused, but also she kinda laughed it off and didn’t really care. Then she proceeded to booked her flight on the spot so I am seeing her in 10 days. I am still extremely nervous but I am trying my best to not get in my own head. I will be open to her, even though i am very not used to being vulnerable to others.. I just cant hide from her or my feelings towards her just because I am suffering from PIED. Hope things get a little better in 10 days and even if it doesnt.. i guess i am ready for that too.
 

Sangiha

Member
How'd it go man?
Thank you for checking in! It was a big success man. I had no issues performing when the time came! if anything doing hardmode for 115 days has helped me perform much better than before. I think her understanding my problems and me being open to her had a huge effect as well. She asked me out so we are officially back together and she could not be more in love with me. I wont take her for granted anymore and give her all I have. Now I just need to stay on this path of self development free of porn for the rest of my life. All the pain and hard work paid off this past weekend.. and i could not be more grateful. Thank you everyone..
 
Thank you for checking in! It was a big success man. I had no issues performing when the time came! if anything doing hardmode for 115 days has helped me perform much better than before. I think her understanding my problems and me being open to her had a huge effect as well. She asked me out so we are officially back together and she could not be more in love with me. I wont take her for granted anymore and give her all I have. Now I just need to stay on this path of self development free of porn for the rest of my life. All the pain and hard work paid off this past weekend.. and i could not be more grateful. Thank you everyone..
Oh my god, Sangiha! I'm so happy for you. I remember going through all your posts and issues. Man I'm nearly as many days as you are in the reboot. Don't have a partner yet but this gives hope. Seriously reading this was the most beautiful event today for me. Hope You have a great time with your partner and your life. Looking forward to more from you.
 

Sangiha

Member
Oh my god, Sangiha! I'm so happy for you. I remember going through all your posts and issues. Man I'm nearly as many days as you are in the reboot. Don't have a partner yet but this gives hope. Seriously reading this was the most beautiful event today for me. Hope You have a great time with your partner and your life. Looking forward to more from you.
I really appreciate it man.. and yes its been such a long and brutal journey to get here but one thing i know for sure now is that there is hope for everyone here. If porn was your problem and you are willing to heal yourself, you will find the light eventually. I still get urges to watch porn and my mind gets dirty sometimes when I see attractive girls.. so i still have ways to go until my brain is completely free from porn. But I am just grateful that I am no longer in flatline and suffering from PIED. I believe that you will make it out of this as well so please keep going. As you get closer to 150 days hardmode my gut tells me that you are probably already healed sexually. I wasnt sure if i was healed until I got to test myself with my girl and man.. if was a mind blowing experience. Even that morning before i met her I was convinced that I was still broken and I would fail. So if you get a chance to test yourself with somebody, don’t hesitate. You need to take the risk and theres so much more to gain than to lose.. i sincerely wish you the best of luck. Stay strong!
 
I really appreciate it man.. and yes its been such a long and brutal journey to get here but one thing i know for sure now is that there is hope for everyone here. If porn was your problem and you are willing to heal yourself, you will find the light eventually. I still get urges to watch porn and my mind gets dirty sometimes when I see attractive girls.. so i still have ways to go until my brain is completely free from porn. But I am just grateful that I am no longer in flatline and suffering from PIED. I believe that you will make it out of this as well so please keep going. As you get closer to 150 days hardmode my gut tells me that you are probably already healed sexually. I wasnt sure if i was healed until I got to test myself with my girl and man.. if was a mind blowing experience. Even that morning before i met her I was convinced that I was still broken and I would fail. So if you get a chance to test yourself with somebody, don’t hesitate. You need to take the risk and theres so much more to gain than to lose.. i sincerely wish you the best of luck. Stay strong!
Thanks man. I'll keep you updated! :)
 
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