I need to up my game.

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
That is so inspiring, brother! I'm with you at 30, and I take your motivation and selfishly make it my own, too, lol...!

This state of mind can take you all the way, and the more time away from that crap, the more your habit will change, be unrecognizable, and the neural pathways will become desensitized.

Never give in to the lie that this crap is inevitable, or that "once-an-addict-always-an-addict", or any other lie the lower brain (the 'beast-brain') tries to get us to use.

We don't plan for lapses (as an excuse), particularly as porn is not an option, but always keep the bigger picture in view. Many give up trying because they think that they 'blew it all', or ruined all their hard won progress. This can be particularly true if one has a lengthy streak going. It sounds like you hit that place, where you're like, "I gotta do something different!", and a fire was lit.

Never lose that fire, brother!
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
That is so inspiring, brother! I'm with you at 30, and I take your motivation and selfishly make it my own, too, lol...!

This state of mind can take you all the way, and the more time away from that crap, the more your habit will change, be unrecognizable, and the neural pathways will become desensitized.

Never give in to the lie that this crap is inevitable, or that "once-an-addict-always-an-addict", or any other lie the lower brain (the 'beast-brain') tries to get us to use.

We don't plan for lapses (as an excuse), particularly as porn is not an option, but always keep the bigger picture in view. Many give up trying because they think that they 'blew it all', or ruined all their hard won progress. This can be particularly true if one has a lengthy streak going. It sounds like you hit that place, where you're like, "I gotta do something different!", and a fire was lit.

Never lose that fire, brother!
Spot on, my friend!
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
You know, the biggest factor in me reaching 1 month porn free is me changing my mentality about the suffering brought by quitting this. How does this suffering manifests? Agony of denying myself the pleasure of porn, increased anxiety, being super sexually frustrated, being suffocated by porn flashbacks and fantasies, moments when I can't concentrate, being agitated, maybe other things too.

The key was: "How do you deal with those things without relapsing? How do you keep yourself going through this period?" I had to figure out the answers, man. And they were just in front of me: "Accept the suffering, shut up and keep going. It's inevitable. You don't need to medicate yourself, you don't need to always run to the comfort zone the way you've known how to do all your life. Nothing will stop the discomfort... except time. Going all the way, the whole period of time until it stops. A relapse doesn't accomplish anything. It might make the discomfort go away... for now, but then it comes back. A relapse only 'made sense' if you wanted to abandon the rebooting completely and live the junky life... which you don't want to. So it's inevitable, it is what it is, stop bitching about it and do it! Resist the urges, let them come and go. How do you get used to suffering? By facing it." That's how a conversation with myself looked like.

Quitting this addiction cold turkey brings a lot of discomfort and craving for the dopamine pleasure. It's what you do when things get really though that matters. It's what you do when the craving gets unbearable that you get that tunnel vision and you only see porn. It's when you feel like shit mentally, roller coaster and everything else.

The mind likes the comfort and hates the pain. Fuck them mind, we need to control our mind. The mind is the most powerful weapon we have. We could use it to self-destruct or use it to move mountains. Nobody moves mountains addicted to porn. Nobody gets high up there on the top and stays there addicted to porn because porn addiction makes you relapse and then you come crashing down from up there.
 
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Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Awesome insights and analysis, Escape! You hit it on the head in discussing how we need to get comfortable with discomfort, and just let the urges pass.

There are actual keys you share above toward lasting and real freedom.
 

Orbiter

Well-Known Member
What an incredible change Escape, and all in such a short space of time. It's been great to read the growth & continued success you're enjoying at the moment.

Keep up the great work! Wishing you well.
 
You know, the biggest factor in me reaching 1 month porn free is me changing my mentality about the suffering brought by quitting this. How does this suffering manifests? Agony of denying myself the pleasure of porn, increased anxiety, being super sexually frustrated, being suffocated by porn flashbacks and fantasies, moments when I can't concentrate, being agitated, maybe other things too.

The key was: "How do you deal with those things without relapsing? How do you keep yourself going through this period?" I had to figure out the answers, man. And they were just in front of me: "Accept the suffering, shut up and keep going. It's inevitable. You don't need to medicate yourself, you don't need to always run to the comfort zone the way you've known how to do all your life. Nothing will stop the discomfort... except time. Going all the way, the whole period of time until it stops. A relapse doesn't accomplish anything. It might make the discomfort go away... for now, but then it comes back. A relapse only 'made sense' if you wanted to abandon the rebooting completely and live the junky life... which you don't want to. So it's inevitable, it is what it is, stop bitching about it and do it! Resist the urges, let them come and go. How do you get used to suffering? By facing it." That's how a conversation with myself looked like.

Quitting this addiction cold turkey brings a lot of discomfort and craving for the dopamine pleasure. It's what you do when things get really though that matters. It's what you do when the craving gets unbearable that you get that tunnel vision and you only see porn. It's when you feel like shit mentally, roller coaster and everything else.

The mind likes the comfort and hates the pain. Fuck them mind, we need to control our mind. The mind is the most powerful weapon we have. We could use it to self-destruct or use it to move mountains. Nobody moves mountains addicted to porn. Nobody gets high up there on the top and stays there addicted to porn because porn addiction makes you relapse and then you come crashing down from up there.
Very wise, Sir. It is good advice.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Awesome insights and analysis, Escape! You hit it on the head in discussing how we need to get comfortable with discomfort, and just let the urges pass.

There are actual keys you share above toward lasting and real freedom.
There comes that day when we have to do it once and for all. Time flies and it doesn't fly well when you are addicted.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
What an incredible change Escape, and all in such a short space of time. It's been great to read the growth & continued success you're enjoying at the moment.

Keep up the great work! Wishing you well.
We can do it. I was at the bottom of the hole a month ago. If I can do it, everyone can do it. It might not look like it at the beginning of the streak but it gets better. There comes that day where saying "no" to the addiction seems easier despise the urges.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 31

I can "safely" say I have 1 month porn free because the longest months of the year have 31 days :LOL:

You know, the second biggest trigger for me after alcohol is being tired. I work those night shifts, approximately 6 every month. I've lost several streaks after coming home in the morning, going to sleep, waking up after 2 hours and starting to edge to flashbacks on autopilot. Once I jumped right in front of the computer and played porn, as if I was hypnotized or something. I didn't use to do it before going to sleep but then it happened once. I came home and started edging to flashbacks in the bed. Today, at about 3 A.M I got urges right there at work! My mind was telling me, "You are all alone in here, nobody sees you, you can delete the history after that." I guess it's the fuckin reptilian brain doing it's thing when I have less strength because of being tired or something. But, I didn't want to entertain the addicted brain. When the urges get tough, we actually don't have to do anything. It feels like it, it feels like we need to do it now and get the pleasure, but we actually don't need it because it's not necessary for our lives. Our reptilian brain got hijacked into thinking that this thing is good for our survival because it releases a lot of dopamine but this is where we come and tell it, "No, bro, it's not, you are wrong, I'll show you how it actually is." Right now, with the discomfort the addicted brain puts us through, it looks like it has the biggest percentage of the power but we sometimes forget that we actually have the last say. It's us that ultimately choose what we do. The brain pushes its agenda but we are presented with the choice, even if the hypofrontality makes it difficult, even if we have a short amount of time to get ourselves out of it, we still have the choice. If we didn't have the choice, the recovery would never be possible for any of us here.

When the urges come, what do we do? I chose to keep it simple. I acknowledge the urges for being my addicted brain trying to get its fix, I breath, I try not to fantasize and think about porn and I wait until the dopamine calms down. I tell myself, "You don't have to do anything about this. Mind your business."

You know, I am obsessed with the pleasure that this porn dopamine brings, no doubt. It's the greatest feeling in the world. Top of the world. Edging to porn is my drug because edging releases massive dopamine. It's like your brain telling you, "Keep going, the reward is juuuust around the corner." Urges for me started around day 6. Anytime urges showed up, I went crazy like smelling food after being starved for a week or something. Denying myself this pleasure sucked big time. I was irritated as fuck and angry. But I endured it. Every time you say "no" to this, you delay the gratification and you stay on the right road, the road of the truth, of how life it's supposed to be. Life has obstacles, discomfort, pain and also joy but it's what porn could never be: Real. Porn says, "Use me because ain't pleasure everything in life? Do you want to live like a monk?" And/Or "Use me to get the comfort because things suck right now." Those are the lies that fuckin porn tell you. The mind needs to be trained to get used to discomfort by facing discomfort because the mind, by default, likes the comfort and hates the pain. When things get tough, the mind says, "Come on, man, let's get out of here! Do whatever it takes to stop this discomfort." And you say, "But this means relapsing." And the mind says, "For now only, you'll do it next time, you'll figure it out, just do it now!" When was "next time" easier? I've tried "next time will be easier" approach and here I am struggling because it's never easier. Quitting porn will never be a breeze. Nobody escapes porn easily. We need to start this by preparing ourselves in our minds that we are going to experience a form of discomfort along the way.

The mind doesn't know what discomfort is if we don't show it, if we don't go all the way through the discomfort. Running back to the comfort zone will never accomplish this. The comfort zone is like a small yard where you lock yourself up and you don't see what's outside. You look around one day and you don't see the things that you want to get in life. Then you realize that all the great things in life are out there, blended together with that thing called "discomfort". It's the rejections, the humiliations, the sad moments, the obstacles etc. And mixed between them there are those great moments in life too. What are we gonna do?

Embrace the suck.
 
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Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
This ^ !

Good job on dismissing those urges at work, and embracing the 'suck' that this habit puts us through. I remember (and regret) the times I fed my addicted beast-brain at work, and was scared silly afterward, thinking they would some how find out. It's easier for them to find out, too, nowadays. It was really all such nonsense, looking back!

You articulate and illustrate this very well, that, The only way out is through.

Keep up the good work, Escape!
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
This ^ !

Good job on dismissing those urges at work, and embracing the 'suck' that this habit puts us through. I remember (and regret) the times I fed my addicted beast-brain at work, and was scared silly afterward, thinking they would some how find out. It's easier for them to find out, too, nowadays. It was really all such nonsense, looking back!

You articulate and illustrate this very well, that, The only way out is through.

Keep up the good work, Escape!
Spot on, man. The only way out is going through it.

I've had some "PMO at work" moments a few years ago when I was working alone in an office and I downloaded porn and PMOed right there then I deleted the history and cookies. I'm not proud of it. The more I stay away from porn, the more I realize how disgusting all this is. Also, after that job I worked in a place where I wasn't alone anymore in the office and I went to the bathroom to PMO to watching porn on my phone. I went to the bathroom like 3 times so I could binge. But that's what being an addict looks like. You end up doing things that you wouldn't normally do.
 
Spot on, man. The only way out is going through it.

I've had some "PMO at work" moments a few years ago when I was working alone in an office and I downloaded porn and PMOed right there then I deleted the history and cookies. I'm not proud of it. The more I stay away from porn, the more I realize how disgusting all this is. Also, after that job I worked in a place where I wasn't alone anymore in the office and I went to the bathroom to PMO to watching porn on my phone. I went to the bathroom like 3 times so I could binge. But that's what being an addict looks like. You end up doing things that you wouldn't normally do.
I can relate. It makes you do things that seem unbelievable to yourself later. But it's not who you are.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
I went to the bathroom like 3 times so I could binge. But that's what being an addict looks like. You end up doing things that you wouldn't normally do.

I've certainly been there. If someone came in the restroom, you're like growling for them to 'get out' so you can continue...

It seemed so low and desperate, but it was us trying to find some normalcy, some calm and peace in our brain. This is how we thought we had to do it, but it had the opposite effect.

We now know that the mind and/or brain will eventually calm back down to its equanimity, its normal place of peace, without us having to do anything extra to get there. We just have to wait it out.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
We now know that the mind and/or brain will eventually calm back down to its equanimity, its normal place of peace, without us having to do anything extra to get there. We just have to wait it out.
That is correct, my friend. The only cure for porn addiction is time. That's the basic of the basics: We need to wait that period of time until we get there.
 

yogi

Active Member
Escape that's a fantastic achievement- day 32!

What you said is absolutely correct. Time heals all wounds.
One thing I have started realizing about the anxiety that comes during reboot, which I didn't recognize previously, is that it's part of the craving: the messed up brain is getting anxious because it's not getting it's porn dose for the day. The primitive brain feels something bad is going to happen, as it is accustomed to swimming in dopamine from the porn fix. Old Flight-or-Fight response. Once you consciously withhold, abstain and reboot, the brain realises that the heavens are not going to collapse, nothing catastrophic is going to happen by stopping porn. And presto! the anxiety suddenly disappears and you feel more in control.
 
Day 31

I can "safely" say I have 1 month porn free because the longest months of the year have 31 days :LOL:

You know, the second biggest trigger for me after alcohol is being tired. I work those night shifts, approximately 6 every month. I've lost several streaks after coming home in the morning, going to sleep, waking up after 2 hours and starting to edge to flashbacks on autopilot. Once I jumped right in front of the computer and played porn, as if I was hypnotized or something. I didn't use to do it before going to sleep but then it happened once. I came home and started edging to flashbacks in the bed. Today, at about 3 A.M I got urges right there at work! My mind was telling me, "You are all alone in here, nobody sees you, you can delete the history after that." I guess it's the fuckin reptilian brain doing it's thing when I have less strength because of being tired or something. But, I didn't want to entertain the addicted brain. When the urges get tough, we actually don't have to do anything. It feels like it, it feels like we need to do it now and get the pleasure, but we actually don't need it because it's not necessary for our lives. Our reptilian brain got hijacked into thinking that this thing is good for our survival because it releases a lot of dopamine but this is where we come and tell it, "No, bro, it's not, you are wrong, I'll show you how it actually is." Right now, with the discomfort the addicted brain puts us through, it looks like it has the biggest percentage of the power but we sometimes forget that we actually have the last say. It's us that ultimately choose what we do. The brain pushes its agenda but we are presented with the choice, even if the hypofrontality makes it difficult, even if we have a short amount of time to get ourselves out of it, we still have the choice. If we didn't have the choice, the recovery would never be possible for any of us here.

When the urges come, what do we do? I chose to keep it simple. I acknowledge the urges for being my addicted brain trying to get its fix, I breath, I try not to fantasize and think about porn and I wait until the dopamine calms down. I tell myself, "You don't have to do anything about this. Mind your business."

You know, I am obsessed with the pleasure that this porn dopamine brings, no doubt. It's the greatest feeling in the world. Top of the world. Edging to porn is my drug because edging releases massive dopamine. It's like your brain telling you, "Keep going, the reward is juuuust around the corner." Urges for me started around day 6. Anytime urges showed up, I went crazy like smelling food after being starved for a week or something. Denying myself this pleasure sucked big time. I was irritated as fuck and angry. But I endured it. Every time you say "no" to this, you delay the gratification and you stay on the right road, the road of the truth, of how life it's supposed to be. Life has obstacles, discomfort, pain and also joy but it's what porn could never be: Real. Porn says, "Use me because ain't pleasure everything in life? Do you want to live like a monk?" And/Or "Use me to get the comfort because things suck right now." Those are the lies that fuckin porn tell you. The mind needs to be trained to get used to discomfort by facing discomfort because the mind, by default, likes the comfort and hates the pain. When things get tough, the mind says, "Come on, man, let's get out of here! Do whatever it takes to stop this discomfort." And you say, "But this means relapsing." And the mind says, "For now only, you'll do it next time, you'll figure it out, just do it now!" When was "next time" easier? I've tried "next time will be easier" approach and here I am struggling because it's never easier. Quitting porn will never be a breeze. Nobody escapes porn easily. We need to start this by preparing ourselves in our minds that we are going to experience a form of discomfort along the way.

The mind doesn't know what discomfort is if we don't show it, if we don't go all the way through the discomfort. Running back to the comfort zone will never accomplish this. The comfort zone is like a small yard where you lock yourself up and you don't see what's outside. You look around one day and you don't see the things that you want to get in life. Then you realize that all the great things in life are out there, blended together with that thing called "discomfort". It's the rejections, the humiliations, the sad moments, the obstacles etc. And mixed between them there are those great moments in life too. What are we gonna do?

Embrace the suck.
Congrats on making it past the one month mark. I have read your journal so far and want you to know you inspire me. I have been trying rebooting since April but each time I have ended in a relapse. You give me hope that I can do this and I know it's going to be fucking miserable going with urges for a while but the end game is worth it. Keep up the good work my friend and thank you for telling it like it is in your journey. It's time for me to embrace the suck and face this addiction head on and kick some ass!
 
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