Addicted to PMO 10+ years before real sex

Hi Pete, you've done an excellent job resisting the urges thus far. As another user has already said, take it day by day. Together, we will all make it to shore eventually, but we need to keep swimming and helping each other out :).
Blocked everything on Youtube (related, home page etc), except the search bar, for removing unwanted distractions or triggers.
Also, how did you this? I would love to know so that I can implement this on my own devices ;).
 

PeteSL

Member
Hey @JacobiThetaFunction , thank you for your kind words,
Youtube was a trigger-fest for me....
It is a useful tool to block everything but the very essentials. On PC, I am using Chrome and an addon called Unhook - Remove YouTube Recommended Videos. It is customizable and I suggest you keep only the subscriptions, but steer your account on trigger-free productivity based channels or any hobbies that you pursue!
On mobile I mostly deal with Instagram, which is another beast to tame...
 

PeteSL

Member
Hope no Youtube distractions works well for you Jacob!

Day 54
I had an all out attack from Instagram today, although I thought I had it fully cleared from any triggers. Firstly, a straight-out-of-P-scene provocative image found itself into my feed. I really do not understand.... Who posts a P picture with #fractalart?? And why the hell is it on my feed?
Then on stories, a person posted an album cover with P-graphic nudity (well thank you black metal bands..). You really do not know from which side you may be hit from.. Best thing is to fully abstain from social media if it is a viable solution, for the beginning at least..
On a good note, I dealt with both triggers quite fine. The P picture one does pop up in my mind sometimes, but I have to deal with it.

Also, my so kinda forgot about the no contact rule, texted me, and we had a bit of a chat.. Fills my mind with sex related thoughts and messes me up quite a bit...
Need to stay lucid and strive on!
 

PeteSL

Member
Day 55
Today there were no P flashbacks, but I’m catching myself fantasizing about my so a lot. Also can’t help but bring elements of P-like scenarios to those fantasies. That is the worst part, and it is heavily trigger-inducing... There is constant rationalization from the addicted part of my brain that MOing just to a fantasy of her won’t hurt. Need to minimize these thoughts, but it is very difficult.

Well, also today I noticed that my penis has.. veins. It is maybe the first time in my life that I have seen such noticeable veins in my penis lol. They used to be deep and could barely be discerned... Wonder if it means that circulation is returning... The temptation is high to test with an erection but I won’t succumb, this may lead to a relapse trigger..
 

Crysler

Member
55 day, you are monster, mate 💪
May I ask if you still having contacts with a girl?
I mean hugs, kisses and maybe seeing her full naked.
 

PeteSL

Member
55 day, you are monster, mate 💪
May I ask if you still having contacts with a girl?
I mean hugs, kisses and maybe seeing her full naked.
Hey @Crysler, last contact was 1.5 week ago (kisses, hugs etc) and last sex 3 weeks ago. Helped the situation while the prospect of intimacy was there, but right now we are at a distance, and it puts quite a bit of additional pressure..
Overall, it is a great idea to rewire with a partner during reboot, however if relationship problems are involved, it may destabilize the whole process. It sure does for me currently...
Thank you for your comment, hope we all get through this!

Day 56
Got heavily triggered by my hot neighbour having loud sex.. A trigger you can't block out I guess... Also, still fantasizing about my so a lot.. Today was not good in terms of triggers...
In terms of how I dealt with them, nothing sophisticated to report. Just did not let myself touch anything down there..

At least I have finished the YBOP audiobook, and gonna go for a second round (narration by Noah B.E. Church is awesome btw). Definitely worth it, I understood the nature of the problem so much better! I need to absorb some of the details better though so there's gonna be quite a few repeat listens!
Gonna head outside with some friends to push myself out of today's triggers..
 

Crysler

Member
Hey @Crysler, last contact was 1.5 week ago (kisses, hugs etc) and last sex 3 weeks ago. Helped the situation while the prospect of intimacy was there, but right now we are at a distance, and it puts quite a bit of additional pressure..
Overall, it is a great idea to rewire with a partner during reboot, however if relationship problems are involved, it may destabilize the whole process. It sure does for me currently...
Thank you for your comment, hope we all get through this!
Yeah, I think it's adds more pressure not having a real contact with a woman.
I myself do have it, and it's like ... I'm trying to figure out if it helps or not.
My guess - it does, and your answer also proofs that.

Like Gabe said in his video.
It helps to "reconfigure" our brain into a real woman, not imaginary.

Anyway, keep strong, mate 💪
You can do this.
 

PeteSL

Member
Day 57
Wow...
The withdrawal symptoms along with all the negativity due to my circumstances hit me really hard today. Anxiety, constant illogical thoughts, brain fog, all day long...
Fantasized intensely about my so, in a middle state between sleep and waking state in the morning... Couldn't help it. On a good note this produced an 100% erection which lasted a good 30 min, without any hand stimulation from my side, only thought.
But I'm hindering my progress with these fantasies.. and also this was the trigger for all the negative thoughts during the day..
At least control mechanisms were there and I did not M, which is kinda comforting.
 

PeteSL

Member
Day 58
I did exercise some discipline with my fantasizing today and the results have been good. I avoided all fantasy in the morning, which made a considerable change. While it has been a tough day, with family problems and heated arguments, I am significantly better. Small urges, with pictures of P-Stars popping up in my mind at random. Controllable I’d say.

Today I worked with my Virtual Reality headset for the first time since starting the reboot, and I realized something that I had totally neglected. I am using VR for 2 years now, and I have never used P on it. Never had the urge actually, whilst being totally addicted to PMO in other devices. Grateful I stayed away, VR use would be a no-go right now, had I given in…
But the vast majority of people with whom I talked about vr had asked me this precise question. “Are you using it for P? C'mon, it can't be! tell the truth!”. Even my parents joked about it. It is kinda synonymous, and so much rooted in people’s minds. I brushed it off as normal, but is it? People talking about VR and the first thing that comes to mind is P…. and it is much too early in this technology's widespread acceptance..

I see that like many other recent technological breakthroughs, VR is going to become a total victim of the P industry very soon, if it is not already. It is gonna be right-out weaponized by the P giants.. There are many more dopamine bombs coming our way I fear… As we rebooters are giving this difficult battle, the High Speed Internet P industry is going to fight back.. And I am frightened to think what their insidious brains will come up with when VR becomes mainstream.
 

PeteSL

Member
Day 59
Had a very persistent MW today! pretty nice but that led to fantasizing right after waking up. Not good for the rest of the day... Lost all progress that I made yesterday..
Also getting triggered by names of random people because they have parts of the names of P-Stars (dafuq brain!)
Gonna leave for a short vacation soon.. Hope that eases the triggers!
 

Crysler

Member
getting triggered by names of random people because they have parts of the names of P-Stars (dafuq brain!)
:LOL: You made me laugh alot, mate )))
Even I with my 5+ years of experience don't know P-Stars by their names.
But, day 59 it's a huge progress, just stay strong and don't let those fkn urges to take you down - remember, you are the man, you are stronger than that!!! 💪💪💪
 

PeteSL

Member
:LOL: You made me laugh alot, mate )))
Even I with my 5+ years of experience don't know P-Stars by their names.
But, day 59 it's a huge progress, just stay strong and don't let those fkn urges to take you down - remember, you are the man, you are stronger than that!!! 💪💪💪
Quite interesting. For me it was an additional layer of escalation it seems, to be obsessed with specific P-Stars. For the first years it was much like you describe, but gradually the hunt for novelty was much more centred around P Stars. Thank you for the encouragement!

Day 60
Made it to the 60 day mark. Today brought some severe urges...
Also had P flashbacks while driving again... Damn this is dangerous!
I got some kind of "Highway porn hypnosis" The mind wanders off during long drives and well, the addiction is the first thing to pop up..
Reading many stories in this forum It is incredible in what different ways the addiction hits everyone...
Done with my second round of YBOP audiobook, also watched documentaries, and many Noah B.E. Church and Gabe Deem videos. Starting to really grasp what actually took place in my brain.
Hope my vacation takes my mind off the addiction for a few days!
 

canguro

Active Member
Done with my second round of YBOP audiobook, also watched documentaries, and many Noah B.E. Church and Gabe Deem videos. Starting to really grasp what actually took place in my brain.
Thanks for reminding me that I wanted to watch a Vid from Gabe! ;)
 

PeteSL

Member
The past days were a huge milestone.

Days 61-65
In the days of my vacation, I woke up with stable 100% MW every day. This had not happened for at least 13 years. Thrilled to have this back, felt like a teen once again!
Vacation went pretty smoothly. Did have P flashbacks and urges, severe at times, but controlled everything. My so texted me many times and in a quite passionate manner. Therefore, seeing that the no contact and distancing thing had been thrown out the window, upon returning from vacation, I visited her place, and we had, well.. actual sex.

Day 66
Right after entering her house it starts lol.. PIV sex for 20 min with condom use, 2 O’s, and tried quite a few stances. No world records there, but it is immense progress for me. The whole experience had so much passion and connection.
Erections were getting weaker at some points I have to admit, especially in the more demanding stances. Also had to “prepare” a 100% erection with my touch before penetrating, since I still do not respond fully to a woman’s touch. No need to be a perfectionist at this point though.. For the largest part of PIV I was at 80-100%. Received quite many BJs and kept erections. Much work to be done in terms of retrieving full sensitivity, but I am getting there! I really felt things in my penis this time when penetrating.

It is just incredible. Somewhere like 2 months ago erections were impossible even with the most extreme P. I feel like a whole new person.

I am so thankful that this happened as early as day 66, given my long and embarrassing track record with PMO, my nonexistent experience with women, and also considering that other people need many months off PMO to have successful PIV sex.

Fighting the urges and staying off P paid off. The understanding and patience from my so was also a very crucial point.

Day 1. No erection at all, embarrassment, despair
Day 33. Semi successful PIV sex, sensitivity starts to return, confidence starts to rise
Day 66. Successful, passionate, PIV sex.


Notice that the days weirdly align lol.

Day 67
A 70 % MW today, that did not last for long.. probably I am spent from yesterdays deeds.. Libido and urges have been reduced considerably. Maybe a mini flatline awaits? Going about my day doing productive things. Brought back from the dead my 3D printer, which has not been used for 2 years. An interesting hobby which I killed because of my PMO outplacing every single positive habit in my life.

So, the no PMO journey continues for me, there is still a lot of ground to be covered. Hope that I will be given many more opportunities to rewire. If so, I am very optimistic for a full recovery soon!
 

PeteSL

Member
Day 70
Quite some additional successful rewiring experiences the past days. Raising my endurance in PIV and things seem to progress well. Gave her some O's from PIV. Still not fully restored my sensitivity though, this is probably gonna need a lot more time. My touch still works better than anything she does. What I have noticed is that I respond much better to her HJs. My damn brain is still wired for "hands" it seems...

However...
My so has fully grasped that PIV is in the game, has spiced things up and raised her expectations. This leads to better sex experience, however it puts me under pressure since I still cannot perform optimally. Kinda concerned of how this may impact the reboot... maybe I will talk to her if this escalates... It is a good idea to keep sexual performance out of the picture when rebooting, but she is so happy that I am healing and I do not want to let her down... Also, the "spicing things up" sometimes borrows concepts from P. Will try to come up with a way that does not discourage her, but at the same time does not expose me to any overwhelming triggers... Have to be proactive against such issues, I do not want to lose all of this progress...!!

In terms of urges to watch P, they do exist, but their impact is much lower right now. I am actually glad I still have these urges, so that I can get used to the thought that "the urge is weaker, I can beat it", repeatedly within the day. This seems to reinforce that I now have a firm new mindset. I used to be totally powerless to PMO urges.. Feels good to have control over it.
 

PeteSL

Member
Day 74
The past days went pretty smoothly in terms of urges. Really sunk into work, so my mind kept busy most of the time. Well having real sex also helped a lot.. All this does lead to a confidence boost, and gaining some clarity over things.

I get a little bit depleted after some days of sex gotta say....But this gave me the opportunity to notice something important about my PMO habits:

After depletion and temporary reduction of libido, the desire for real sex returned smoothly, gradually and naturally over the days. So I'm kinda exploring my actual levels of libido, which I never let myself find..
I NEVER in 13 years gave myself the opportunity to feel this cycle through continuous PMO.
This is a great case to actually grasp that the PMO obsession did not occur because of high libido, at least in my case... it is just an addiction to sexual novelty and shock. Spending my libido in real sex experience, depleting it, and letting it come back to normal has let me understand this.
This idea needs some time for it to fully mature inside my brain, but I think it is key to eventually eliminating the addiction. One of the most unshakable rationalizations for P use that I used to have is that I have extremely high desire for sex and thus seek more and more P.

Also, 4+ times of PMO per day, apart from strengthening the addiction and all the mental problems, was a terrible use of the body's resources. I have not yet experienced this immense boost in energy reported by many rebooters, but I can certainly feel the concept. I think that this is quite far away from me still, seeing that my body is used to 13 years of over-depletion.
 

PeteSL

Member
Day 85
There is so much workload these days so I am focusing on work, and rewiring continues with a lowered rate.., haven't had the chance to post regularly here...

There are signs of progress, but also some setbacks...

Progress:
I have noticed that I am significantly more efficient in “social” tasks at work. Meetings, negotiations etc, seem to go pretty well. I used to avoid such situations and focus more on isolated work, but now I feel it is much more within my reach. I am still a bit anxious, but I have seen great improvement, and also the prospect of failure, or disagreements with colleagues is not so overpowering as it used to be. So I take more risks.. Also doing quite good in terms of reducing social anxiety in general.
There have been some crazy triggers from Instagram’s side the last days, but it was all controllable. With the situation in this present stage, I feel no overwhelming need to return to PMO.

Problems:
after some successful sex sessions in a row, my so had been convinced that I am healed and this is over, so she kinda pushes for some risky things reboot-wise. She is quite the alcohol fan, so most of the time we have sex after consuming alcohol, after her suggestion. It definitely does not help. I lose erections much more easily when alcohol is involved. Also she has difficulty orgasming after alcohol and we ruin our chances in a way. We have had some really nice sex when there is no alcohol.. This makes me return to being totally self-conscious and start not enjoying sex again.. It also devastates me that she does not get pleasure out of it, and I feel useless, like back on day 1. Hope that we can work this through.
It is a good suggestion that I see in many threads here to focus only on karezza through the reboot and keep orgasm out of it. I'm afraid that pushing forward too fast can be destructive.
All the things that are impactful to erections like alcohol, overly full stomach and tiredness can do much more damage while healing from PIED... My successes the previous days were kinda well set up, I was properly rested, sober, and in a good mood. That was a good call..
But now I am working such late hours and can't control my everyday life so much, and that does not connect well with my so's sexual views...
 

Crysler

Member
Daaaaaaaaaaamn.
You're a monster 💪

All the things that are impactful to erections like alcohol, overly full stomach and tiredness can do much more damage while healing from PIED...
Yeah, also bad night sleep impacts erection quite well.
And being hungry.
And when it's too cold or too hot.

Fkn erection, wish there was a little blue button you push when you need it to be super hard.
 
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