Okay, man. I understand what you are saying. It's just that... I'm tired of not getting that last streak to salvation. This addiction has taken too much from me. Since I was 13... 17 years, bro. I am tired of returning back to the same old.
We all want our current streak to be 'the one'- I certainly did when I hit 139 days by last March. But where my head was at, I knew I was all but likely to lapse, and when I did, I wasn't all too surprised. Been here too many times... And it was hard to find traction again, but I kept trying. I'm barely now ready to complete my latest abstinence challenge at the end of the month. And still, it's easy to drift back into old habits.
The kind of vigilance this thing requires is incredible- but it has to be toward the right approach, or else it's draining if all we're relying on is sheer will-power. If we don't want to return back to the same old, then we'll keep doing something new, something different.
I know you've heard this: that a definition of insanity is to keep doing the same old things, and expect different results. This thing demands that you take a fresh look at your methods, change it up, make it exciting, even fun for yourself. This thing breeds in negativity, so- and it might not be your personality-type, but it's time to get 'crazy positive', that's what it's going to take to beat this thing!