All Things Are Possible

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Squidward81

Member
1st journal post.

I was first introduced to porn at the age of 7. My parents were both really open about sexuality and allowed me to explore porn. There was still feelings of shame & guilt but they didn't hide anything or punish me for looking at it.

Like most of the guys in this age category, I went through magazines, dial up, scrambled channels, and now internet and my phone.

My wife knows about my struggles but we don't talk about them. I also have a few guys that know about it but it doesn't really seem to help.

I'm currently on day 3 of not looking at porn or masturbating. Trying to take it one day at a time but I wanna be one of the guys saying it's been 100+ days.

Thanks for reading.
 
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guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Squidward81 said:
1st journal post.
I am 40 years old, married for 16 years and have two beautiful children. I also am sexually attracted to guys for as long as I can remember. And I'm currently missionary.

I was first introduced to porn at the age of 7. My parents were both really open about sexuality and allowed me to explore porn. There was still feelings of shame & guilt but they didn't hide anything or punish me for looking at it.

Like most of the guys in this age category, I went through magazines, dial up, scrambled channels, and now internet and my phone.

My wife knows about my struggles but we don't talk about them. I also have a few guys that know about it but it doesn't really seem to help.

I'm currently on day 3 of not looking at porn or masturbating. Trying to take it one day at a time but I wanna be one of the guys saying it's been 100+ days.

Thanks for reading.
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I'm one of those guys who finally got beyond 100 days. I think it's 151 now. I never thought I could get here but I'm finally feeling like I truly don't need porn everyday and I'm no longer really craving it. Sure, I have those feelings kick in here and there but they are much easier to squash now. So, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I was doing really well for the first 60 or 70 days and then almost lost my mind between 70 and 100 days, give or take a few. Then things quieted down in my mind. Honestly, it was like the spirit left my body and I have been doing well ever since. It's weird how quickly it started to feel good and make sense. My wife and daughter have been away for entire days and I didn't even think about porn. It happened yesterday. I was so busy playing guitar and zooming with a friend it never crossed my mind. I used to have a browser open and my pants down as the garage door was closing and they were backing out of the driveway.

There is hope. Your story is similar to mine. My parents had porn in the house. My brothers and I started looking at their magazines when we were very young. Too young. When the internet came along it was a game changer and in a very, very bad way. I'm not religious so I don't look to god for help, but I do want to be a good man and I believe in spirituality. I know I was not a good man when porn was so important to me. When I made my wife feel like she needed to be a porn star to please me. I'm paying for that behavior now. I've struggled with PIED when I've had the rare opportunity to have sex with my wife. She's not that interested any longer and I know it's because of how I made her feel for years. The only thing I can do now is move forward and be a better person. That's what I'm trying to do.

Good luck on your journey. You are in the right place where you will get lots of support, tips and interaction. That's for sure.
 
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Squidward81

Member
Thanks man. It's really encouraging to hear people experiencing success in their journey because, from where I am, it seems so impossible. Thanks for being open & honest.
 
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guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Squidward81 said:
Thanks man. It's really encouraging to hear people experiencing success in their journey because, from where I am, it seems so impossible. Thanks for being open & honest.
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I was there so many times. It's hard for me to believe I'm this far along. This forum, Your Brain On Porn and The Easy Peasy Method are all great tools. I've watched some good videos on YouTube, but it's the journaling and the books/websites that have helped me. I also think I just got so sick of myself that I had to get out of my own way. We all hit a point I suppose when we feel absolutely disgusted with ourselves and we decide it's finally time. I hit that and needed to do something.
 
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Squidward81

Member
It's been 4 days & 12 hrs since Ive looked at P. Yesterday was tough & I've been dancing around non-P but I know are triggers. But holding on.

I've been struggling with the idea of not being able to talk to friends. I know alot of them struggle as well but I feel like I can't just tell them how badly I'm doing. Or how almost every hour I have to convince myself to not search or watch P online. I really want a friend that I can share with.

Which, now writing this, maybe I'm dealing with loneliness more than I want to admit. A friend was saying that there are wounds that I'm just trying to ignore, which really.pissed me off but maybe he is right.

Anyway...gonna keep fighting till tomorrow. Goodnight everyone.
 
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guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Coming here everyday has helped me a lot. I may not know anyone personally here, but I can open up and share things I would never say to anyone, anywhere else. It has really helped me to open up and get it all out. It's amazing what a good brain dump can do for the soul. The anonymity here gives you the ability to be completely honest. Why wouldn't you be? No one is here to judge, just to help. And that help is amazing and so helpful. I was exactly like you for so long and I'm finally feeling like I don't need to open a browser and start the awful process again.

We're here for you. Just ask. DM me if you want to chat more one on one.
 
Phineas 808

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
We want to be those friends, Squidward- and we can all remain anonymous!

There may or may not be wounds (for me there were), but no matter. Breaking this habit is first and foremost, and doesn't depend on deep inner healing. If that were true, no one would find freedom for years and years. Thinking that actually cost me years on years.

Freedom could veritably happen in 3 - 4 months time, with consistency and determination. Inner healing can better happen when the clouds of bad-habit are cleared away.

Reach out any time, DM me as well.
 
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Squidward81

Member
8 days.

In the past 8 days I haven't looked at any real P or PMO. It helped that I went away to the woods without internet.

Now being back at home, I'm struggling with Instagram and other apps. Ive read about several guys on here who just had to let Instagram go. I want to hold on but it's dumb to think I can go against what others have done to be successful.

Thanks for the replies & encouragement. I appreciate it.
 
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Squidward81

Member
Day 8

Being back at home is hard. I currently don't have a 'job', so I'm bored almost all day. After two years of this covid life, I feel like I've exhausted all the ways to keep myself busy. The. I look for friends, you do seem to have things to do.
I need to keep myself busy and remember what is at stake when I give into PMO.
Only a few more hours until a new day.
 
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Squidward81

Member
Day 9
This morning has been a struggle. Toss and turned from 5am and finally got up at 6:30. Started on Facebook then ended up on Instagram. I looked at stuff that is not helpful and now I'm wanting to indulge. Instead now I'm here typing. A few more days of this though & I'm screwed. So I've got to come up with a game plan for the mornings. Create a new habit.
Alot of guys suggest exercise which isn't a bad idea. I think I might start that tomorrow. Any other suggestions about how to stay of PMO in the morning?
 
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guitar1968

Well-Known Member
I've said it before and it has worked for me. Find a hobby that you can be passionate about. Having something to pour yourself into when you wake up will certainly curb that desire to look at porn. Find something better to do. Exercise is a fantastic one. I've added so much more exercise in my life over the last 4 months. I am also playing way more guitar and singing more. Read books, go hiking, take an art class. There has to be something that interests you. You will feel better about yourself doing one of those hobbies instead of the porn hobby.
 
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JerryTX

Active Member
I find boredom definitely is a trigger. Most people have different views on social media so you just need to find what works for you. I had to delet Twitter and IG can pose a problem but I haven't deleted it. I utilize my mornings and any "boredom triggers" to exercise, read, prayer, walk the dog etc.. These are all good ways to move my mind away from the PMO distractions. You will find they decrease over time but even as far as I am in this journey sometimes one too many clicks on IG I have to stop before it leads me astray. Good luck !
 
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Squidward81

Member
Day 10

What counts as a need to reset the count?

I have been circling porn for the last two days. I pushing what I'm looking at on insta and what books in reading. I havent MO'd but a few more days of this and I won't be able to stop. I also really don't want to reset my counter but I don't want to lie. Essentially I'm just lying to myself which is a big mess.

I was looking at a new morning routine but think I just need to stay in bed. Wake up when my wife gets up. When I'm up alone its too hard to not look at things.

The day is almost over. I haven't made it 11 days in a while. Thanks for all the support
 
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Squidward81

Member
Day 0

I don't want to start over but after reading the honesty of guys on here, I have to own my behaviour. I haven't PMO'd but I've pushed what I'm looking at on Instagram to far. And went to Twitter.

Porn has sorta just become something I look at, not causing physical arousal but just out of habit. If I do that for long enough I'll end up MOing. I want it all to stop.

Tomorrow begins day 1 again.
 
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JerryTX

Active Member
Hey it's still a struggle for me as well. I had to completely remove Twitter as it was too much temptation.
 
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