Day 3 : I haven't seen much dreams for a long time, most probably I do have them while sleeping but I don't remember them. I have just woken up from an evening nap, and I had a dream. One that I remember, one that I wish I didn't, like all the others. In this one people were dying not just any people like they do everyday, a statistics for news channel, but people that I know. They weren't dying horrific deaths, no, just passing by into non-existence. I don't know why it was happening all I know is I am on a journey to find few people that are somehow related to us but I don't have much deep bonds with them. Why am I going to meet them I don't know, but they are going somewhere and I have to meet them and they are already waiting for us to join, they are most probably travelling to survive whatever is that which is killing everybody. I remember seeing lots and lots of vintage railroad cars. Those people are also in one of them. So before I left I saw my cousin dead who I used to play with when I was a kid, we have separated now but when I was just a kid he was the one friend that I had and he had me. He was just there lying peacefully, and there was nothing I could do. I hear people talking but I don't know what they are creating the fuss about, I remember just keeping my head on his chest while he lies there wishing it moved. The next what I hear is that my mother is also dead, I didn't see her at all because we had just left for the journey, and she really wants us to go and join them. I have one more person with me, probably some relative, I imagine a boy about my age. So we are already on the way and it wasn't any easy way to the end, I remember having to struggle to find the way and finally we eventually board the railway car in which my relatives are. I see my whole dream in a post apocalyptic world. We didn't board the railway from a station we boarded the railway while it was moving from the help of another railway car which was tattered and had seen some serious accidents. I remember just coming across those people sitting close to each other in a small space. I remember seeing an old Kashmiri woman I saw in a show on TV called lost recipes (she looks very similar to my grandmother). And there were two black earthen pots on the floor lying on something glowing red, probably burning coals. And then somebody calls us and asks if we are hungry and we were, so we said yes. She was a woman, friend of my mother. And I remember her treating us very well, we have reached our destination eating food in a railcar filled with people I know. And while serving she says that your mom said that she would let you eat her leftover food if that saves you. I don't know what it really meant but I think that it is some form of disease which is spreading and by eating the food she ate I would have developed some form of immunity to it. And I replied to her that it is not true because when we left my mother was already dead and it is not possible that she would have gotten any chance to talk to her after I left. And saying this tears rolled down from my eyes. She probably knew my mother was dead and thought I didn't know so she was trying to hide it from me, at least till the time we were having food.
I woke up with the tears. The dreams don't mean much to me I just view them as random thoughts. But this one made me feel something, something that I don't think I was capable of experiencing/feeling. The pain from the death of someone close. I had hard time in showing emotions although I do feel them deeply. I have been apathetic for most of my growing years, even now. And the thought of losing someone you really don't want to just moved something in me. I felt the loss, loss of all the things that could have been done had they been alive.
Life is so short, so fragile, and there is pain in it.