Day: 120!
Today is 120 days without P, PMO, or MO (-1)!
This number is significant for me for its spiritual meaning (Gen 6:3; Acts 1:15; 2:1-4). When I originally joined Reboot Nation (from 2014 to 2016) I called my journal "The End of All Flesh" (deleted) pointing to the significance of that number. I planned to be 120 days abstinent then, and accomplished it, but with struggles. I began this journal last November of 2020 with the same goal, which I accomplished in a stronger way.
This 120+ days are part of an ongoing streak having completed a 90 day abstinence challenge. However, this time hasn't been without struggles:
1. I lapsed to MO on 8/8/21. I didn't reset because in the bigger picture, I wanted to go for the win, and so added +1 day to my abstinence challenge. It has now been 54 days since MO occurred (or within the last 120 days I've only MO'd 1x), and it is not a habbit.
2. I had clicked onto a link found on Youtube during an episode of p-subs (on 9/20/21), and was exposed to P, and saw nudity but briefly. I didn't linger, I didn't obsess, keep watching, or return to it. I didn't reset at that time either, because I didn't purposely seek it out, though it was linked to my p-subs struggle.
The above two episodes were fueled by p-subs and edging which since early August, and increased during September, started becoming unwanted habits. I know what constitutes a reset for me, and I just haven't crossed that line. Needless to say, I had to shut this down, as a laspe or relapse into P, PMO or MO was imminent.
I purposely purged, and am in that act of purging my social media accounts. That has been a danger point for me throughout my current journey, but I need these platforms to either minister or to build my business. This focus has been successful, as I've moved away from p-subs and edging as habits. This purging has not been overly restrictive, but it had to be deep enough to be meaningful. It involves unfollows, deletion of pics (nothing racey), or whatever could lead me to either lapse or set myself up for failure. This is in addressing an anxiety driven (?) dependence on female beauty.
I'm feeling good, and continuing on my above streak. None of those things meant a reset for me, although admittedly not 'picture perfect'. Perfectionism can work against us, though I certainly prefer perfection...
Nonetheless, I'm not doing too bad, and continue abstaining and living life free from P, PMO, and MO.