Again bad bad cravings and fantasies. It will get incredibly difficult today, i can already tell. Girls i see outside are triggering me badly and cause my mind to review all the shit in my head.
My first goal is, that i want to make it again to 3 months or so, so i can start rewiring. Right now its definitely too early.
I am incredibly angry at myself, even though i know its counter-productive. If i had not slipped, i would now not have to deal with this shit and also there would be a real chance to rewire in the near future. I was already loosing hope without relapsing and now the situation got even worse. Its as if i would always make one step forward and then one or two steps back.
I can not allow myself to think about it too much, it really takes away any good feeling i had left.
The chase effect and the urges definitely come in waves. Got easier again. This time it lasted around one or one and a half hour. Now its easier again.
Is there still hope? Yes, it gets smaller, but there is still hope. And as long as thats the case, i can not give up. Somehow i might be able to get erections in the future. Even if its only with pills because of peyronies disease or whatever, who cares? But i can not continue watching P and take the risk of having PIED. It might be already the case that i have an organic problem. When i also habe PIED i am totally screwed.
Later: Urges and fantasies got milder over the course of the day. Feel relatively "normal" right now.
Still much much better.
Okay i rhink the worst is over for today, but i am still in shock. I didnt experience such strong cravings for 2 years maybe. I gotta keep my guard up for tomorrow. I dont know what will happen.
My first goal is, that i want to make it again to 3 months or so, so i can start rewiring. Right now its definitely too early.
I am incredibly angry at myself, even though i know its counter-productive. If i had not slipped, i would now not have to deal with this shit and also there would be a real chance to rewire in the near future. I was already loosing hope without relapsing and now the situation got even worse. Its as if i would always make one step forward and then one or two steps back.
I can not allow myself to think about it too much, it really takes away any good feeling i had left.
The chase effect and the urges definitely come in waves. Got easier again. This time it lasted around one or one and a half hour. Now its easier again.
Is there still hope? Yes, it gets smaller, but there is still hope. And as long as thats the case, i can not give up. Somehow i might be able to get erections in the future. Even if its only with pills because of peyronies disease or whatever, who cares? But i can not continue watching P and take the risk of having PIED. It might be already the case that i have an organic problem. When i also habe PIED i am totally screwed.
Later: Urges and fantasies got milder over the course of the day. Feel relatively "normal" right now.
Still much much better.
Okay i rhink the worst is over for today, but i am still in shock. I didnt experience such strong cravings for 2 years maybe. I gotta keep my guard up for tomorrow. I dont know what will happen.
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