Keep touching myself

Ziggy116

Member
So seriously... Need some advise...I can't stop handling myself... Literally, I do it without even thinking...I wake up and morning wood is in my hand. I love feeling it and how hard it is...I don't mo. I just stroke it and play with it...I need to stop because I'm so used to it being touched that when my partner touches it it doesn't feel any different. When I play with it I think it's more that I just love to feel how big and hard it is not really getting sensation from it...idk... Any advise on this? Sorry so graphic but I'm just being honest.... HELP!!!
 
Hey Ziggy,
The only thing I can contribute to this (without knowing your back story) is if it is similar to me, you are getting back to the physical touch and arousal without the evil aid of pornography. I am now 11 days no PMO, and I sleep naked and often touch myself..even a few times MO to get back comfortable with this without the aid of Porn. You might be experiencing some of this and the satisfaction of getting erect and arousal without porn.
 

Ziggy116

Member
Hey Ziggy,
The only thing I can contribute to this (without knowing your back story) is if it is similar to me, you are getting back to the physical touch and arousal without the evil aid of pornography. I am now 11 days no PMO, and I sleep naked and often touch myself..even a few times MO to get back comfortable with this without the aid of Porn. You might be experiencing some of this and the satisfaction of getting erect and arousal without porn.
Hey lettingporngo, thanks for the response. A little background, I'm 57, didn't start watching porn till I was maybe 17 or 18. And that was going to the video store and renting porn movies. The real issues with porn started once the internet came about. The addiction kicked in real fast then...I have always slept naked and have always loved stroking and playing with myself and masturbating to orgasm. I got married at 23 and we had a very active sex life for the first 10 to 15 years, all the while I also watched porn daily and masturbated once or twice a day. (What I wouldn't do to have that kind of sex drive again). Fast forward to about age 45...I realized by now I was seldom even getting hard while watching porn... It was just a habit. My brain was on fire with it but not my cock. I was no longer getting random erections during the day and my desire to have sex with my wife was gone... Tried many times... Sometimes succeeded but most times I'd start out hard as steel and after a few minutes of penetration I couldn't feel anything and would lose my erection... Frustrating, scary and depressing. I had no idea what was going on. My whole life I was ready on command and loved every minute of it. I fell into a major depression and my marriage fell apart. At age 50 and two grown kids I found myself divorced with major PIED and fucked up in the head. Had a couple very dark years till I pulled myself together... Went to counseling, started going to the gym and got in the best shape of my life, but still had a dead dick...all except the morning wood, which ironically I've had and still have every single morning but at that point was usually the only erection of the day. At age 53 I started dating men... Yes, I'm gay/bisexual, depending on the day..lol.. Most sexual experiences didn't turn out that great due to the PIED. frustrating, embarrassing to say the least... Met my current partner 4 years ago and in June of this year we bought a house together..I am happier now than I have been my whole life but the pied still was an issue.. Came across this forum some how and that's when I realized what my problem was. I had been to my doctor many times who told me there was nothing physically wrong with me so I knew it had to be the porn. That was the day I decided to make a change... Deleted all porn and stopped.. That was 63 days ago... Have not watched porn since and have only MO twice by myself... My partner knows about all this and has been very supportive.. Up until soon after I started my reboot he loved giving me oral almost every morning before I got out of bed because I was hard as a rock... Most times I could finish a few times not.. Was hit or miss... Not that I didn't completely love that but have cut it back to once a week...I no longer mo...I have definitely seen some positive changes... Sometimes during the week when we go to bed we will just cuddle and touch and I'll get a complete 100% hard on, that didn't happen before.. Also a few times lately... Fully dressed, if he hugs and kisses me I'll find myself getting hard... Yay, that makes me so happy... My sex drive has definitely increased...I may not be going at this in the completely right way but I feel it's working for me...I will NEVER watch porn again... Masturbate? I'm sure I will at some point as I love to masturbate but it won't be to porn or fake stimuli. As far as touching myself? I'm trying so hard to stop always stimulating myself, which really isn't stimulating... It's a habit and I love to feel it in my hand but I feel if I don't always touch myself eventually his touch will be much more simulating and enjoyable... Sorry for such a long post and also congrats on 11 days, that's awesome. You can do it...we all can... Have a great day!!!
 
Thanks Ziggy for sharing your back story. It's really relieving to be apart of this forum and get the support from folks with varied, although very similar experiences. My story seems so similar...although I have been off and on with a man for 35 years...presently 51. It really didn't hit me until this year that I had a problem with PIED. As with you, in the best shape of my life...toned, ripped, high libido, but dead dick with intimacy. I tried to suppress it, but while separated, I had the 2 encounters. Under normal circumstances, erection would be no issue...dead dick! I knew I had a problem. Fortunately, I found this forum and recognized that porn was an issue, from the repetitiveness of arousal/orgasm to pixels on a screen. I am looking forward to the day when I am completely aroused by touch and human connection..one day at a time. Feels good to be 12 days no PMO. Congratulations to you on your journey..keep pushing and let's continue to support each other, and this group. Best,
 

Ziggy116

Member
Thanks Ziggy for sharing your back story. It's really relieving to be apart of this forum and get the support from folks with varied, although very similar experiences. My story seems so similar...although I have been off and on with a man for 35 years...presently 51. It really didn't hit me until this year that I had a problem with PIED. As with you, in the best shape of my life...toned, ripped, high libido, but dead dick with intimacy. I tried to suppress it, but while separated, I had the 2 encounters. Under normal circumstances, erection would be no issue...dead dick! I knew I had a problem. Fortunately, I found this forum and recognized that porn was an issue, from the repetitiveness of arousal/orgasm to pixels on a screen. I am looking forward to the day when I am completely aroused by touch and human connection..one day at a time. Feels good to be 12 days no PMO. Congratulations to you on your journey..keep pushing and let's continue to support each other, and this group. Best,
Good morning and I can't believe how very similar our stories sound... The period between divorce and meeting my wonderful partner I had many encounters(more than I should have had). Probably 90% of the time erections were a problem... That's when I realized I had a real issue... Started googling and found this site... BANG!!! that's it. I have PIED.... my first thoughts were this can't happen to me... I've always had a very high libido and erections were there in demand... Not anymore!!! So, here I am day 64...I can't believe it... Sure I have moments when I think about watching porn and jacking off but it has become much easier to shift my focus somewhere else. I want to say my libido is coming back some...I find myself getting horny just from thoughts about my partner.. Even when he just hugs and kisses me I can feel things churning down below... Definitely getting hard more than I had been... And morning wood always there as it always has been... I'm very thankful for that.. Also I've noticed that my erections during playtime... Oral... Whatever, are much harder than they had been... Almost to the point that they hurt... In a good way... So I have to say, things have progressed slowly but I am happy with what's going on..I want to be the best man I can be for him... He deserves it. What day are you on? Whatever it is, good for you... Keep it up... Literally...we can do this... Message me anytime... Hope you have a great Monday
 
Thanks Ziggy, very happy for you and that things are progressing, especially around MW and erections. You are on a great course and eventually, I know you will transition to a healthy, sexual relationship with your partner. I am a really glad I found this site and the awareness of the negative effects of porn....hell, I didn't know what was going on.

I am usually on everyday. I do my daily journal, and try to provide support to at least one person on a daily basis. It helps me also when I have cravings...last night from gym was bad! Logging into here and being constructive helps a great deal...1st strong craving since the 13 days no PMO.

I will gladly message you if I am struggling with something and need some support and I welcome you to do the same.

Best,
 

Ziggy116

Member
Thanks Ziggy, very happy for you and that things are progressing, especially around MW and erections. You are on a great course and eventually, I know you will transition to a healthy, sexual relationship with your partner. I am a really glad I found this site and the awareness of the negative effects of porn....hell, I didn't know what was going on.

I am usually on everyday. I do my daily journal, and try to provide support to at least one person on a daily basis. It helps me also when I have cravings...last night from gym was bad! Logging into here and being constructive helps a great deal...1st strong craving since the 13 days no PMO.

I will gladly message you if I am struggling with something and need some support and I welcome you to do the same.

Best,
Hang in there bud... There will definitely be string urges...I just tell myself NO!!! and remind myself why I'm doing this...I'll admit, I love watching porn..all the good looking women, the hot men... The sex.... But it's all so unrealistic... It took me half my life to figure that out...I don't want to be controlled by this anymore...I just want to enjoy realistic sex with a realistic person(my partner). I also realize that porn lead me to do the unsafe crazy things I did for several years... Yes it was fun .. Kinda, but hooking up always made me feel terrible afterwards... Empty!!! Hang in there man... I'm here for you... Let's do this together.
 
Just wanna say, I'm so encouraged by you & lettingporngo! I've found sharing my struggles with others to make me feel more isolated, even when the person wants to be a support. It's just really moving seeing how supportive you both are.
 

Ziggy116

Member
Just wanna say, I'm so encouraged by you & lettingporngo! I've found sharing my struggles with others to make me feel more isolated, even when the person wants to be a support. It's just really moving seeing how supportive you both are.
Hey man thank you and glad if I can help someone out... Even if it's just a little.... Message me anytime if you need to talk
 
Just wanna say, I'm so encouraged by you & lettingporngo! I've found sharing my struggles with others to make me feel more isolated, even when the person wants to be a support. It's just really moving seeing how supportive you both are.
Hello there, thanks for sharing this. I am finding that being truthful and authentic, sharing it in a safe place is helping me with this addiction. I am open to share support if you are open to it...the only way is up from this dreadful curse. Ordinarily, I would be prepping for my "nights treat"...nope, being constructive with work, journaling, and reading people's stories...how great is that? Best to you,
 
Hello there, thanks for sharing this. I am finding that being truthful and authentic, sharing it in a safe place is helping me with this addiction. I am open to share support if you are open to it...the only way is up from this dreadful curse. Ordinarily, I would be prepping for my "nights treat"...nope, being constructive with work, journaling, and reading people's stories...how great is that? Best to you,
Hey! I'm down for support! I'm trying to be more consistent with sharing on here. Day 2 is almost over. Being proud of that sounds so dumb but it actually feels great. My goal is to get to 7 days.
Thanks!
 
Hey! I'm down for support! I'm trying to be more consistent with sharing on here. Day 2 is almost over. Being proud of that sounds so dumb but it actually feels great. My goal is to get to 7 days.
Thanks!
No, day 2 if FINE! I didn't think that I could get through day 1, as many of us on this site has shared. What is helping me also is to turn my pleasure for porn into anger. I am not able to have great sex due to PIED, while I am getting aroused/PMO by others doing the same thing I most want...pixels on a screen....so I have to do the work. Push through day 2 and day 3 is the next target! I plan to journal another PMO free day tomorrow..not an option.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Hey lettingporngo, thanks for the response. A little background, I'm 57, didn't start watching porn till I was maybe 17 or 18. And that was going to the video store and renting porn movies. The real issues with porn started once the internet came about. The addiction kicked in real fast then...I have always slept naked and have always loved stroking and playing with myself and masturbating to orgasm. I got married at 23 and we had a very active sex life for the first 10 to 15 years, all the while I also watched porn daily and masturbated once or twice a day. (What I wouldn't do to have that kind of sex drive again). Fast forward to about age 45...I realized by now I was seldom even getting hard while watching porn... It was just a habit. My brain was on fire with it but not my cock. I was no longer getting random erections during the day and my desire to have sex with my wife was gone... Tried many times... Sometimes succeeded but most times I'd start out hard as steel and after a few minutes of penetration I couldn't feel anything and would lose my erection... Frustrating, scary and depressing. I had no idea what was going on. My whole life I was ready on command and loved every minute of it. I fell into a major depression and my marriage fell apart. At age 50 and two grown kids I found myself divorced with major PIED and fucked up in the head. Had a couple very dark years till I pulled myself together... Went to counseling, started going to the gym and got in the best shape of my life, but still had a dead dick...all except the morning wood, which ironically I've had and still have every single morning but at that point was usually the only erection of the day. At age 53 I started dating men... Yes, I'm gay/bisexual, depending on the day..lol.. Most sexual experiences didn't turn out that great due to the PIED. frustrating, embarrassing to say the least... Met my current partner 4 years ago and in June of this year we bought a house together..I am happier now than I have been my whole life but the pied still was an issue.. Came across this forum some how and that's when I realized what my problem was. I had been to my doctor many times who told me there was nothing physically wrong with me so I knew it had to be the porn. That was the day I decided to make a change... Deleted all porn and stopped.. That was 63 days ago... Have not watched porn since and have only MO twice by myself... My partner knows about all this and has been very supportive.. Up until soon after I started my reboot he loved giving me oral almost every morning before I got out of bed because I was hard as a rock... Most times I could finish a few times not.. Was hit or miss... Not that I didn't completely love that but have cut it back to once a week...I no longer mo...I have definitely seen some positive changes... Sometimes during the week when we go to bed we will just cuddle and touch and I'll get a complete 100% hard on, that didn't happen before.. Also a few times lately... Fully dressed, if he hugs and kisses me I'll find myself getting hard... Yay, that makes me so happy... My sex drive has definitely increased...I may not be going at this in the completely right way but I feel it's working for me...I will NEVER watch porn again... Masturbate? I'm sure I will at some point as I love to masturbate but it won't be to porn or fake stimuli. As far as touching myself? I'm trying so hard to stop always stimulating myself, which really isn't stimulating... It's a habit and I love to feel it in my hand but I feel if I don't always touch myself eventually his touch will be much more simulating and enjoyable... Sorry for such a long post and also congrats on 11 days, that's awesome. You can do it...we all can... Have a great day!!!
Thanks for sharing this Ziggy. I'm 53 and married to a woman but have considered myself bi-sexual for many years. I've had a few sexual experiences with men that I really enjoyed, and I love gay porn. Now, with that said, when it isn't porn or nude men in a place like a gym locker room, I don't notice men but I notice every woman who walks by. I still completely dream about women sexually, but often times even when I start masturbating to straight porn, I end with gay porn. I have always wondered if this is the progression of going to harder porn as my addiction increased, but I remember feeling this same way at a young age. I have considered leaving my marriage to explore this side of myself, however, I still don't enjoying kissing men. I don't imagine myself living with a man, sleeping in the same bed as a man and cuddling with a man, but I still want to have sex with men. It's been very confusing. This lapse that I'm currently struggling with has been all about wanting sex with men. It came back on so strong and now every day I'm fighting myself to stop opening gay porn sites. I've even started going on the gay hookup sites with the thoughts of trying to cheat on my wife. I actually wish it was a little more clearly defined in my head. I would rather feel 100% comfortable that I wanted a relationship with a man, but I just don't. When I imagine a new life away from my wife it's always with another woman.

So frustrating dealing with porn, PIED and the confusing spectrum of sexuality. I always told myself that I am just open about who I would have sex with and I guess that really is the truth. I've enjoyed sex with both males and females. But lately I'm thinking more and more that being out of this marriage and even having a steady thing with a man might be more enjoyable.

Best thing about this site is being able to let these thoughts flow out of my head and onto the screen. It is very helpful.
 
Thanks for sharing this Ziggy. I'm 53 and married to a woman but have considered myself bi-sexual for many years. I've had a few sexual experiences with men that I really enjoyed, and I love gay porn. Now, with that said, when it isn't porn or nude men in a place like a gym locker room, I don't notice men but I notice every woman who walks by. I still completely dream about women sexually, but often times even when I start masturbating to straight porn, I end with gay porn. I have always wondered if this is the progression of going to harder porn as my addiction increased, but I remember feeling this same way at a young age. I have considered leaving my marriage to explore this side of myself, however, I still don't enjoying kissing men. I don't imagine myself living with a man, sleeping in the same bed as a man and cuddling with a man, but I still want to have sex with men. It's been very confusing. This lapse that I'm currently struggling with has been all about wanting sex with men. It came back on so strong and now every day I'm fighting myself to stop opening gay porn sites. I've even started going on the gay hookup sites with the thoughts of trying to cheat on my wife. I actually wish it was a little more clearly defined in my head. I would rather feel 100% comfortable that I wanted a relationship with a man, but I just don't. When I imagine a new life away from my wife it's always with another woman.

So frustrating dealing with porn, PIED and the confusing spectrum of sexuality. I always told myself that I am just open about who I would have sex with and I guess that really is the truth. I've enjoyed sex with both males and females. But lately I'm thinking more and more that being out of this marriage and even having a steady thing with a man might be more enjoyable.

Best thing about this site is being able to let these thoughts flow out of my head and onto the screen. It is very helpful.
Hello Guitar, this is the one thing that I can appreciate about this site...complete anonymity and comfort in sharing your deepest thoughts out and getting support. As a gay guy, I started off with women much earlier on, then now off and on for many years with a man. I can relate to the progression of porn because once I realized my addiction and PIED, I got extremely aroused with transmen porn..really bad. With the female to male transition, along with female parts, it was really becoming intense with this. I can't say that under normal circumstances without porn if I would ever be attracted to transmen, but porn became the pathway. I can only imagine the difficulties with managing through feelings of the same and opposite sex, as I have had relations with bi sexual men..your overall happiness and fulfillment will lead you in the right direction.
 
Hey Guys,
I am starting back to day 1. I believe I was very over competent in getting through 12 or 13 days. I was completely fine with where I left off last night..productive, supportive, journaling. I went to bed, took my glasses and phone to quickly peruse TikTok (big mistake). Usually I like the humor, but I was slightly triggered by my feed. Then my brain told to me to "check out the site..you got this. See how you respond to it...been 13 days, you should be ok". The moment I clicked, watched a clip...I couldn't stop...had to get to the right one. Completely erect to PMO. I am pissed because I can't get this level of erection with human connection. My realization is that I can't just "click"...I love it too much..the true porn addict. I am going to update my journal with this and keep pushing. I hope this will help someone else on the risk of "just taking a peak"...it doesn't work for addicts. Although I am disappointed, I am glad that I am doing the work..ordinarily, I would not have hit 13 days, so I take it as a small win. Great evening,
 

Ziggy116

Member
Hey Guys,
I am starting back to day 1. I believe I was very over competent in getting through 12 or 13 days. I was completely fine with where I left off last night..productive, supportive, journaling. I went to bed, took my glasses and phone to quickly peruse TikTok (big mistake). Usually I like the humor, but I was slightly triggered by my feed. Then my brain told to me to "check out the site..you got this. See how you respond to it...been 13 days, you should be ok". The moment I clicked, watched a clip...I couldn't stop...had to get to the right one. Completely erect to PMO. I am pissed because I can't get this level of erection with human connection. My realization is that I can't just "click"...I love it too much..the true porn addict. I am going to update my journal with this and keep pushing. I hope this will help someone else on the risk of "just taking a peak"...it doesn't work for addicts. Although I am disappointed, I am glad that I am doing the work..ordinarily, I would not have hit 13 days, so I take it as a small win. Great evening,
Hey lettingporngo, sorry to hear you had a relapse... Don't be too hard on yourself... Just pick up from here and keep going.. Addiction is strong but you are stronger... Just keep remembering where you want to get... You can do it man!!!
 

Ziggy116

Member
Thanks for sharing this Ziggy. I'm 53 and married to a woman but have considered myself bi-sexual for many years. I've had a few sexual experiences with men that I really enjoyed, and I love gay porn. Now, with that said, when it isn't porn or nude men in a place like a gym locker room, I don't notice men but I notice every woman who walks by. I still completely dream about women sexually, but often times even when I start masturbating to straight porn, I end with gay porn. I have always wondered if this is the progression of going to harder porn as my addiction increased, but I remember feeling this same way at a young age. I have considered leaving my marriage to explore this side of myself, however, I still don't enjoying kissing men. I don't imagine myself living with a man, sleeping in the same bed as a man and cuddling with a man, but I still want to have sex with men. It's been very confusing. This lapse that I'm currently struggling with has been all about wanting sex with men. It came back on so strong and now every day I'm fighting myself to stop opening gay porn sites. I've even started going on the gay hookup sites with the thoughts of trying to cheat on my wife. I actually wish it was a little more clearly defined in my head. I would rather feel 100% comfortable that I wanted a relationship with a man, but I just don't. When I imagine a new life away from my wife it's always with another woman.

So frustrating dealing with porn, PIED and the confusing spectrum of sexuality. I always told myself that I am just open about who I would have sex with and I guess that really is the truth. I've enjoyed sex with both males and females. But lately I'm thinking more and more that being out of this marriage and even having a steady thing with a man might be more enjoyable.

Best thing about this site is being able to let these thoughts flow out of my head and onto the screen. It is very helpful.
Hey guitar1968, I totally feel for you on all of this. Our sexuality can be so confusing and frustrating. I knew from an early age that I was attracted to men. Other than a few experiments with a neighbor boy of mine in my very early teens, I never touched a man till in my late 40's. But once I did I loved it and couldn't get enough... Led me too do things I'm not real proud of. As far as the gay porn, never really liked it. I watched straight porn 99.9% of the time...I guess I found the straight men hot...idk...I still to this day often crave to have sex with a woman again... It can be very confusing. Unlike you, I love kissing men..cuddling, whatever. Being with a man, sleeping in the same bed, showering together...all of it, I absolutely love it. But being gay isn't just about sex.. Just like any relationship, the connection has to be there. Physically and mentally... My partner is amazing..we connect so well, enjoy all the same things..we kayak, camp, hike, cook, decorate the house, shop... Everything.. It's wonderful being in love with your best friend. My marriage fell apart for many many reasons.. The last 10 years we were just roommates...I couldn't take it anymore and finally grew the balls to do something about it... It wasn't easy at all making the transition, coming out, kids, family. But once I finally met my partner and all the dust settled, I couldn't be happier. No regrets. Just follow your heart (not your dick) do what's best for you. Do what will make you the best man you can be. We all deserve to be happy, regardless of sexual preference... Hang in there bud.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Hey Guys,
I am starting back to day 1. I believe I was very over competent in getting through 12 or 13 days. I was completely fine with where I left off last night..productive, supportive, journaling. I went to bed, took my glasses and phone to quickly peruse TikTok (big mistake). Usually I like the humor, but I was slightly triggered by my feed. Then my brain told to me to "check out the site..you got this. See how you respond to it...been 13 days, you should be ok". The moment I clicked, watched a clip...I couldn't stop...had to get to the right one. Completely erect to PMO. I am pissed because I can't get this level of erection with human connection. My realization is that I can't just "click"...I love it too much..the true porn addict. I am going to update my journal with this and keep pushing. I hope this will help someone else on the risk of "just taking a peak"...it doesn't work for addicts. Although I am disappointed, I am glad that I am doing the work..ordinarily, I would not have hit 13 days, so I take it as a small win. Great evening,
Kind of how it started with me. Watching reels on Instagram, then just deciding to take a peak. Well, that never works well. Better to never take a look. Stop it there. I'm right back at this point trying to get to the next day. Not easy.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Hey guitar1968, I totally feel for you on all of this. Our sexuality can be so confusing and frustrating. I knew from an early age that I was attracted to men. Other than a few experiments with a neighbor boy of mine in my very early teens, I never touched a man till in my late 40's. But once I did I loved it and couldn't get enough... Led me too do things I'm not real proud of. As far as the gay porn, never really liked it. I watched straight porn 99.9% of the time...I guess I found the straight men hot...idk...I still to this day often crave to have sex with a woman again... It can be very confusing. Unlike you, I love kissing men..cuddling, whatever. Being with a man, sleeping in the same bed, showering together...all of it, I absolutely love it. But being gay isn't just about sex.. Just like any relationship, the connection has to be there. Physically and mentally... My partner is amazing..we connect so well, enjoy all the same things..we kayak, camp, hike, cook, decorate the house, shop... Everything.. It's wonderful being in love with your best friend. My marriage fell apart for many many reasons.. The last 10 years we were just roommates...I couldn't take it anymore and finally grew the balls to do something about it... It wasn't easy at all making the transition, coming out, kids, family. But once I finally met my partner and all the dust settled, I couldn't be happier. No regrets. Just follow your heart (not your dick) do what's best for you. Do what will make you the best man you can be. We all deserve to be happy, regardless of sexual preference... Hang in there bud.
Great post @Ziggy116 - I can relate in so many ways. Especially about being roommates with my wife. I just in fact said that to her not long ago. She got mad at me, but we don't have sex, we don't kiss, we don't sleep in the same room, we don't do anything but watch tv together. We are roommates who co-parent a child. Then I spend my days watching gay porn. Again, I have no issues with being gay, it's just that I'm not always feeling that way and I'm very attracted to women. But even bi-sexual doesn't feel like the right term. I guess it's best not to get caught up on the specific terms. Sexuality is definitely a spectrum and I don't think it matters much where I land on it. I know it's not right cheating on my wife with men or women. I'm just not brave enough to leave and I also don't want to not see my daughter every day. She'll be off to college in less than three years. I keep having the thought in my head that I'll leave then. I'm not sure it will be any easier on her, but knowing that her life away from home is beginning seems like a way to make it easier on myself. I probably should just do the right thing and leave now. Nothing is ever easy is it. I'm glad you figured it out and found someone you connect with so well. That sounds like a wonderful thing.
 

Ziggy116

Member
Great post @Ziggy116 - I can relate in so many ways. Especially about being roommates with my wife. I just in fact said that to her not long ago. She got mad at me, but we don't have sex, we don't kiss, we don't sleep in the same room, we don't do anything but watch tv together. We are roommates who co-parent a child. Then I spend my days watching gay porn. Again, I have no issues with being gay, it's just that I'm not always feeling that way and I'm very attracted to women. But even bi-sexual doesn't feel like the right term. I guess it's best not to get caught up on the specific terms. Sexuality is definitely a spectrum and I don't think it matters much where I land on it. I know it's not right cheating on my wife with men or women. I'm just not brave enough to leave and I also don't want to not see my daughter every day. She'll be off to college in less than three years. I keep having the thought in my head that I'll leave then. I'm not sure it will be any easier on her, but knowing that her life away from home is beginning seems like a way to make it easier on myself. I probably should just do the right thing and leave now. Nothing is ever easy is it. I'm glad you figured it out and found someone you connect with so well. That sounds like a wonderful thing.
Ok, your marriage sounds a lot like mine was...we did sleep in the same bed and that's it....sleep. I would never tell someone they should get out of their marriage. That's for each individual to decide... Everyone has different circumstances... My kids were 19 and 21 and still living at home when I left... It was not ready on anyone, never is. But kids are very adapting... My son actually moved in with me soon after I moved... He's the youngest at age 27 now and lives on his own. As far as coming out, my daughter was fine with it right away, it took sometime for my son and we are still working things out... Believe it or not my ex and I get along better now. She even comes to our house for dinner once in awhile. Strange? I don't know but it works for all of us and I think it helps with the kids knowing we all get along. As far as labels...I don't like them...I don't care if you are pink, red, green, blue, orange, top, bottom, side, gay, bi.... Whatever, the spectrum of sexuality is endless. We all like different things to varying degrees... Just be who you are and be happy.... You are the only one in control of your own happiness...took me 50 years to figure that out... And as far as the PMO goes, today is 67 days for me...I think less and less about it every day that goes by. My sex drive is very of and on, my erections have been more often and actually the morning wood is harder than ever... Sometimes a little painful, but hey I'm not complaining...I hope you are having a great day😊
 
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