Carl Smith - Living Free

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Day 108. “Once exposed, a secret loses all its power.”

This is a great quote. I find it to be very true. 3 guys at church, including a pastor, as well as my oldest son know my addiction and recovery story. While I do feel a bit of fear that if I relapse they will be disappointed, it's much better than having this stay a secret. It feels freeing to tell people.

Of course it matters 'who' you tell. Not all are worthy of the truth, either. It may prove to be for many, as it was for me, actually damaging to an extent if you tell a person who's either not able nor equipped to handle 'your truth'. The cascading waves of shame, accusation, mistrust (earned or not), and underlying anger can retard one's growth and recovery, and also end a marriage or relationship.

You'll find that to tell or not to tell can be an ongoing debate on this forum, and it'll depend on who you ask, but there's also an opposite side that says,

My struggle is uniquely male, I should only tell an accountability partner. Or, my struggle is uniquely mine and extremely private, I recognize that my wife is not equipped to handle this struggle, and it's kind of unfair for me to (unmanly) relieve my sense of guilt by foisting this on her, and now she's unduly burdened with it. I got myself into it, I alone can get myself out.

I'm not saying this to discourage nor dissuade you from your own story and awesome efforts at encouraging others, but to caution against any kind of 'one-size-fits-all' approach which may not be applicable in everyone's story.

Be blessed.
 
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Carl_Smith

Active Member
Thanks for that disclaimer / warning. I've lurked on loveafterporn subreddit for months and the number of wives who say "why couldn't he have picked drugs or gambling addiction instead?" is terrifying. They have PTSD and betrayal trauma, they lose hair, can't eat, turn to alcohol.... I am very lucky that my wife is uniquely gracious in this area....most wives would have had a different reaction.

I told people after I was well into recovery, and found it useful for "cementing" my progress and resolve. I hope the stigma around this will decrease, and at least be like other chemical addictions.

Blessings on you as well!
 
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Carl_Smith

Active Member
Day 116. Life is good. I wrote a book in 3 days (my brain is on fire!). I'm grateful for the natural highs in life.

Once in a while I think, I've been sailing for 116 days now on the open ocean, getting farther from the sirens. Am I now going to suddenly capsize, just because so many other people in the world are struggling right now? That idea bothers me, but it doesn't seem logical. I think (hope) my ship can get even stronger over time. I know my brain has been improving every month.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 116. Life is good. I wrote a book in 3 days (my brain is on fire!). I'm grateful for the natural highs in life.

Once in a while I think, I've been sailing for 116 days now on the open ocean, getting farther from the sirens. Am I now going to suddenly capsize, just because so many other people in the world are struggling right now? That idea bothers me, but it doesn't seem logical. I think (hope) my ship can get even stronger over time. I know my brain has been improving every month.
Amazing, man! 116 days!

I know what you mean about the brain being on fire. I've experienced this on my very few longer streaks. Porn messes up the brain so of course when you stop the dopamine hell and give your brain a rest, it functions better... I should actually say it returns back to normal little by little. People talk about "super powers" but I believe it's just us returning back to our normal selves and after years of porn, we could get so low that it strongly feels like our "default state". Once you get on a longer streak without porn, you could get surprised by how you function now, hence the idea of "super powers". There are no super powers, it's just that we are much more than our porn abusing versions. Without porn, we have the ability to reach our full potential. Porn is the ultimate potential and motivation killer.
 

3rdJohn

Member
Day 116. Life is good. I wrote a book in 3 days (my brain is on fire!). I'm grateful for the natural highs in life.

Once in a while I think, I've been sailing for 116 days now on the open ocean, getting farther from the sirens. Am I now going to suddenly capsize, just because so many other people in the world are struggling right now? That idea bothers me, but it doesn't seem logical. I think (hope) my ship can get even stronger over time. I know my brain has been improving every month.
Carl—great post. I think for me, it is helping to just look at today. Today I am not going to do porn. I don’t have grace yet for tomorrow, so looking at future what if’s with apprehension (my default posture!) just wouldn’t help me. When tomorrow comes, I know I will have the grace I need. And you will also.
Just some thoughts.

much love and respect,

john
 

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Thanks for the kind words guys.

I'm disappointed a moderator removed my post to a 14 year old asking him to see if my free guide made sense. I want to help these young guys, I especially feel bad for the nasty stuff they fell into at such a young age, and wonder how they are experiencing it. But I'm not going to let that bother me right now.

Month 4 really is even better than month 3. So much energy and I feel great and I lost 1/4 inch on my waist without trying. Porn = stress = cortisol = weight gain. Not that I even was in terrible shape to start with, due to fasting.

I am changing my picture to the red tailed hawk. He soars with freedom, and his majestic cry travels over ALL his domain.

My new put-up phrase will be "Live Free" for you guys on this board. We're not "staying" free, we're living.
 

3rdJohn

Member
Thanks for the kind words guys.

I'm disappointed a moderator removed my post to a 14 year old asking him to see if my free guide made sense. I want to help these young guys, I especially feel bad for the nasty stuff they fell into at such a young age, and wonder how they are experiencing it. But I'm not going to let that bother me right now.

Month 4 really is even better than month 3. So much energy and I feel great and I lost 1/4 inch on my waist without trying. Porn = stress = cortisol = weight gain. Not that I even was in terrible shape to start with, due to fasting.

I am changing my picture to the red tailed hawk. He soars with freedom, and his majestic cry travels over ALL his domain.

My new put-up phrase will be "Live Free" for you guys on this board. We're not "staying" free, we're living.
Carl--your heart was in the right place, that's all that matters, you only meant good, so don't even let any thoughts of shame, etc even try to sap your energy. i guess there are rules here to keep others from taking advantage.

So glad to hear about your 4th month--hopefully that is what i'll be experiencing in a couple months! i think you're right about the cortisol, too. ugh, it just makes you realize that porn is such an all around disaster!

really like the hawk, and the phrase. it really is about living free, for the rest of our lives. really good stuff!

love and respect,

john
 

Carl_Smith

Active Member
134 days (4+ months) (year end 2021 update)

I'm ending the year staying off of drugs (porn). They destroy my ability to enjoy the natural highs of real life -- teaching my kids, walking, talking, smiling, learning, working, art, music, nature, everything. They also destroy my ability to handle stresses. I don't MO very often these days, but it's CRAZY how much better my imagination is when I do. Porn even kills your imagination.

I realize 23 years later that video games and soft core porn were a big cause of me being depressed in college. It's all just fake dopamine.

My goal is to stay off drugs (porn) for 2022. Natural highs only. I hope you guys do too. Soar and live free.

-- C. Smith
Author of flying-eagle-method.org
 

daccs

New Member
this is a great post and blog, I just watched your videos and will be reading the flying eagle method later today. Thanks for sharing
 

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Watched an action anime and it had some unexpected fan service in it. Didn't wank while watching it, but did from memory quite a few times. It really sucked the energy out of me. Bottom line, today didn't feel like a "drug free day".

Sigh. 2022 is already letting me know that sexual stuff to watch is everywhere, that's the bad news. I guess the good news is that the novelty always wears off quickly. I don't feel like wanking it to that waifu again.

I will need a plan if this keeps happening. Anime is "great" about throwing in fan service that is my type. Saying "no porn substitutes" is easier said than done for sure. My favorite movies, anime, comics, and vid games almost always have something sexual in them.

-- C. Smith
Author of flying-eagle-method.org
 
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GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
Hey @Carl_Smith ,
Read your journey a bit . Good going .
do you regularly give up food to make progress on reboot ? Or you just do intermittent fasting to help ?
 

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Hey @Carl_Smith ,
Read your journey a bit . Good going .
do you regularly give up food to make progress on reboot ? Or you just do intermittent fasting to help ?
Howdy. 10 years ago, I was 30lbs over weight... knees hurt walking down stairs and had a gut... so I started by reading "wheat belly", and still don't eat wheat or beer. That alone dropped 15-20 lbs easily. To get rid of the rest, I have tried strict keto but have switched to intermittent fasting and low carb for the last 14 months. I eat only from 12 pm-5:30 pm. And I sometimes do 1 or 2 day fasts, if I want to feel good or need to drop a few lbs. I like fasting more than trying to "eat keto", since fasting puts you into ultimate keto state anyway.

I think mental health and physical health are inseparable and help each other -- so I'm trying to do what I can for both. For example, when my dopamine is normal and feeling good, I don't stress eat, and am motivated to lift some weights in my back yard, or take a walk and get some sunlight.

When I'm fasting and have cut out the porn / fapping and video games, my brain is on fire. I feel like an apex predator.
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
Howdy. 10 years ago, I was 30lbs over weight... knees hurt walking down stairs and had a gut... so I started by reading "wheat belly", and still don't eat wheat or beer. That alone dropped 15-20 lbs easily. To get rid of the rest, I have tried strict keto but have switched to intermittent fasting and low carb for the last 14 months. I eat only from 12 pm-5:30 pm. And I sometimes do 1 or 2 day fasts, if I want to feel good or need to drop a few lbs. I like fasting more than trying to "eat keto", since fasting puts you into ultimate keto state anyway.

I think mental health and physical health are inseparable and help each other -- so I'm trying to do what I can for both. For example, when my dopamine is normal and feeling good, I don't stress eat, and am motivated to lift some weights in my back yard, or take a walk and get some sunlight.

When I'm fasting and have cut out the porn / fapping and video games, my brain is on fire. I feel like an apex predator.
Thanks for this . Looks like fasting is helping you to some extent to keep your dopamine levels under check if I am not getting this wrong .
 

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Day 168. I am thankful every day for FREEDOM. That and no more brain fog. I feel like I've gone back in time, to where I was a kid and a pg-13 movie was more than enough titillation, and not even knowing about porn.

I kind of feel like I'm in a 2nd subtle flatline, but maybe that's winter and not getting sunlight. It doesn't really bother me, it's nice to feel calmer.

https://flying-eagle-method.org/ is getting 150 visits a day for the last week. I know it's not clicking for most people, but it is for some. I hope it helps the young guys out. I spend time every day polishing up the content, including feedback I get. (I try to use the "Slight Edge" philosophy of success.)

I believe giving an unrestricted phone to someone under 18 is like giving them a library card to hell. Not a good idea. I'm not going to do that for my sons.
 

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Day 226. Been a while since I checked in.

- I have so much mental energy, I took up a new hobby / part time gig, doing voiceover on fiverr. Already did 5 jobs for people! I took a professional voice training course as well! So cool! Hobbies are what people did to get dopamine, before f-kin porn!

- No "porn" during recovery. But in the last 7 months, have fapped to anime two times. Both times it was a new, novel show I watched.... So 226 steps forward and 2 backward. 99% better than I used to be. Also the young women at my sons athletic practices are still very distracting for me. Not a lot of progress there lately.

- Added a section to my site, "Math". That's how I feel when one of these anime incidents happens. Like I missed one stop on the train, and I need to get off and backtrack. "1 time is too many, and 1000 times isn’t enough." -- Truth
 
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Carl_Smith

Active Member
Day 410.

I thought about similarities between porn and gambling addiction. It's crazy, for some reason I never connected these dots well before.

Gambling​

Have you ever looked down on gambling addicts? I know I did.

Is spending an hour binge searching for just the right new site, video, or person, without crossing over the “red line” into something disturbing, that different from playing a slot machine? When hunting for porn, the uncertainty, anticipation, and even fear can cause very intense feelings. Dopamine is highly driven by anticipation.

Now imagine trying to play poker against yourself. Would that be very exciting? It wouldn’t be as exciting, because you know the cards in both hands. You’re not going to bluff or surprise yourself! For me, fapping to my own imagination is like having a glass of wine, versus getting drunk all the time on porn. My own imagination isn’t shocking me, or ruining my life.

My simple rule is to never fap to screens, only memory or imagination. I’m not saying fapping is morally or physically good. But porn is WAY worse.
 

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Day 411

Mellow​

After 13 months, I feel more calm and “mellow” than I’ve been in years.

For example, seeing a woman smile feels very pleasant, and not just in a sexual way, but a deeper way. It’s hard to put into words. It’s like I can experience subtle joys again.

It’s like years of porn and porn substitutes turned my brain molten hot, but now it’s slowly cooling off and I am finding some peace.

Sure, I still think the world has a ton of problems, and I still despair thinking about them. But there’s also a unique type of peace in accepting that which you can not change.
 

Simon2

Well-Known Member
Congratulations on your amazing journey! You are truly in a new phase of your life. It's funny how we convince ourselves over and over that we can't live without P, and then - when we leave it behind we realize that it was a total lie. What actually happens is that P robs us of so many things - we slowly rediscover what those are as we leave it further behind.

Thank you for coming back to share your continued success!
 

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Thanks SimonM 👍👍👍

Sorry for the message flood, this is the 3rd and perhaps last for now. The creative energy was really flowing this weekend.

Day 412

Electricity and Rationalizing

Imagine your limbic brain is a dumb electrical appliance. If you unplug 99 out of 100 power cords (false reasons to use porn), it doesn’t know you did that, all it knows is it still has power. You have to unplug every cord, every reason. Then, you will find peace like you’ve never known.
 
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