Cam Girl Addiction: From Financially Savvy to Buried in Debt

Takeoff

Takeoff

Member
I've been following your journal and you're doing great now bro, keep it up!
FittyBands said:
my week is going to be less busy
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One good way to get through this is to spend some of the time on some outdoor activities or working out, maybe running if you like it... something that will take a bit of your time. And the time is definitely not going to be wasted this way!
What had been working the best for me in this case was bicycling.
 
FittyBands

FittyBands

Active Member
PowerCycling said:
Been following your thread for a while FittyBands. Registered an account to say your progress has been a big inspiration to me and I hope you continue to make good progress in 2022. Your post in https://forum.rebootnation.org/index.php?threads/20994/post-221912 about feeling possessed by a demon really resonated with me. What an awful thing this addiction is!
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I am glad that through my story people can relate and feel like they have a chance to fight and overcome this/whatever addiction they have as well!
 
FittyBands

FittyBands

Active Member
17 January 2022: Nothing spent, but I almost gave in. Curiosity was very strong and left the site tab open all day, checking periodically. I was very tempted. But, I didn't spend anything. I will not check the site today. The main issue is my own self control. So, one day at a time, I will commit to small goals. Just don't check the site today. I will tell myself that.
 
A

Ayman el

New Member
FittyBands said:
Hi all,

My name is Rey and I have a horrible cam girl addiction. I am writing this so I can actually talk to people about this. I am incredibly embarrassed and ashamed and I need outside help. I need to share my story. I am angry. Pissed. Ashamed. Most importantly, I feel like I have lost control of myself.

This all started senior year of college. I always have struggled with porn, but I never let it take over my life. However, my senior year, I dabbled with paying for premium porn, something I had never done previously, to see some models' videos. From this, I was introduced to a cam girl site. I was curious and made an account. That summer after I graduated, I kept going to the site, camming with a variety of girls, and feeling euphoric. Before I knew it, I spent more than $2000 over a few weeks. I realized that it was a problem and wanted to make a plan to stop... I never imagined I would be here, years later.

Now, you might be thinking: single, didn't get much attention from girls, clearly he was looking for an outlet to connect with women and fell into a rabbit hole.

I wish that was the case. The source of my addiction is a much deeper, more sinister, and harder problem to tackle.

When my addiction began, I was sexually active and dating people. I was even already talking to someone kind of seriously, who eventually became my girlfriend. I wouldn't call myself a ladies man or someone who got sex anytime they wanted, but I was someone with some options, with the ability to see women and to have a meaningful emotional connection in real life. I was not using this addiction to fill a void of not having anyone to feel connected to: my addiction fed my ego, and it became more apparent as my addiction grew worse.

Like I mentioned previously, I spent $2000 in a few weeks. I was hooked. I liked the variety. I loved how the girls complimented me on my body and on my "member down there". I felt constantly validated. I loved being able to see all these women and have fun with them anytime I wanted, all with the click of a button. No dates, no bs. If I didn't like them, I could just switch to someone else. Sometimes, I would use silly usernames to make girls think I was some unattractive, small membered "loser", only to surprise them once they saw me on cam. I loved their reactions and how quickly they would be nice to me and turned on. Some would do extra stuff for me, or perform more things for me more than what I was technically paying for, or be willing to talk to me outside the site. I felt like a king. I loved the abundance of attention, and the validation I received because of my member.

However, I knew this shit had to stop. I had a lot of money saved up, some growing investments, and was moving and starting a new job. I had just purchased a new car, and I had great credit. I didn't want to ruin what I had achieved.

I would go through cycles of spending money on the site and going cold turkey, all while seeing my girlfriend regularly. I never told her. I knew she would not be okay with it. After a few months, I blew my savings. However, my investments were intact and I spent just enough so that I could pay for all my necessities and the addiction with little money left over. I eventually discontinued my account, asked for my name to be blacklisted, and blocked the site. It worked. For almost a year, it became a thing of the past. I felt normal again. Then, one day, the urge became too strong. I made a similar account on a new site, and it started to get worse from there.

I slowly led myself into more and more credit card debt. Some days, I would spend more than $600. By now, covid had hit and I was working from home. I was slowing down with my work, doing projects more slowly. I started becoming more irrational and making worse financial decisions. I blew up my investment accounts, losing over 95%. I started racking up more and more debt. My credit limits were very high, and I ended up maxing out each card one by one. I still made sure I could pay for my necessities and pay those off each month, but my addiction was causing my debt to grow and grow. Again, I was sucked into the validation. The variety. By this point my girlfriend and I had broken up, but I was still seeing people, still being sexually active. But that didn't curb my addiction. I just loved the variety, how easy it was to access these women. I would try blocking the sites, but I would become too tenacious and find a way to make a new account, this time on another new site.

To combat this addiction, I would try watching porn if I felt the urge. I recognized that porn was not going to be a long term solution, but at least it was free. If I felt the need to bust a nut, make it a free nut. I figured, if I could transfer this addiction to porn, at least my bank account could recover while I work on myself.

Didn't work.

I would try only camming on certain days, on weekends, or with cheaper models. I figured, going cold turkey may not work, but phasing out of this addiction could work. Just do it less often and with cheaper models. Luckily, there was no correlation between model price and model attraction. However, I still desired some of the more expensive models, regardless of how much I liked the cheaper ones. Again, it was all about variety.

Now, it has become a daily battle. I check the site everyday. Sometimes I win, but some days I give in. I waste hours on the site and not doing work. My room is unclean. I don't cook as often. I can barely pay my rent. I know that if I can't get a hold of this, I will not be able to pay rent, pay my car note, or take care of my basic needs. I feel like I have lost control of myself. I am buried in so much debt. It will take many years to get back to square one. I even asked a family member for money, promising to pay them back by taking out some of the remaining money I had in my investments, and then I subsequently blew it again on my addiction. Now, I have yet to pay them back and they are understandably upset with me. I broke the trust of a family member. I feel like I am not myself and I hate that I have this addiction. I never imagined this would happen to me. I feel so ashamed. I just want help.
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Admit everything to your girlfriend and let her help you, ask for her help and give her access to your computer.
 
jberg

jberg

Active Member
Ayman el said:
Admit everything to your girlfriend and let her help you, ask for her help and give her access to your computer.
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I would hold off on this advice. If your gf is a therapist and has a lot of experience with sex addiction, then maybe consider it. Otherwise, without a frame of reference to understand this addiction, she may take it personally and only get deeply hurt by this revelation. Also, external fixes don't last. Someone else regulating my addiction is not sustainable. Eventually, I'll figure out a way to go back out there. For me, using P was a symptom of a deeper dysfunction and a misconnection. Masking the symptoms without curing the cause is a formula for a relapse. And the relapse often comes back stronger than the original sickness.
 
FittyBands

FittyBands

Active Member
jberg said:
I would hold off on this advice. If your gf is a therapist and has a lot of experience with sex addiction, then maybe consider it. Otherwise, without a frame of reference to understand this addiction, she may take it personally and only get deeply hurt by this revelation. Also, external fixes don't last. Someone else regulating my addiction is not sustainable. Eventually, I'll figure out a way to go back out there. For me, using P was a symptom of a deeper dysfunction and a misconnection. Masking the symptoms without curing the cause is a formula for a relapse. And the relapse often comes back stronger than the original sickness.
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Well said, and I have already had that happen to me. I am fixing this problem internally.
 
O

Oldnewguy

Member
Keep it up man. Remember: you are not giving something up. Only gaining confidence, better rest, better self esteem, rebuilding dopamine receptors, better productivity, more clarity, better relationships , honesty and so much more. Just keep the tab closed forever. Well done
 
G

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
FittyBands said:
17 January 2022: Nothing spent, but I almost gave in. Curiosity was very strong and left the site tab open all day, checking periodically. I was very tempted. But, I didn't spend anything. I will not check the site today. The main issue is my own self control. So, one day at a time, I will commit to small goals. Just don't check the site today. I will tell myself that.
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@FittyBands
I know what you mean . I have spent hours on cam sites peeking in and out battling opposing thoughts whether should I spend money or not .
It’s a horrible situation to be in .

Try cutting down your access to these sites if you can , that has helped me reduce my spend . I block all those sites in my router parental control settings and that has helped me .

I still get around it by using LTE network on phone but because the video streaming is poor quality on LTE Mobil network so that turns me off and I put down the phone and go do something else instead .
 
FittyBands

FittyBands

Active Member
man_in_30s_rebootingnow said:
@FittyBands
I know what you mean . I have spent hours on cam sites peeking in and out battling opposing thoughts whether should I spend money or not .
It’s a horrible situation to be in .

Try cutting down your access to these sites if you can , that has helped me reduce my spend . I block all those sites in my router parental control settings and that has helped me .

I still get around it by using LTE network on phone but because the video streaming is poor quality on LTE Mobil network so that turns me off and I put down the phone and go do something else instead .
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Yes, cutting access is very hard because I am very tenacious about getting around it, so I really need something that discourages me. That is why I have just been focusing on my self discipline, which is ultimately the problem anyway. On the plus side, it has been improving.
 
G

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
FittyBands said:
Yes, cutting access is very hard because I am very tenacious about getting around it, so I really need something that discourages me. That is why I have just been focusing on my self discipline, which is ultimately the problem anyway. On the plus side, it has been improving.
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Great to know you’re improving your self discipline even with full access to sites @FittyBands . Keep up the great attitude!

I did the site blocking ritual on my router parental controls just to experience the freedom momentarily and I did it . It’s funny that actually For a few days about 8-10 days I was so happy and feeling liberated:) that I did not try to bypass any of the security set up because I had lost the admin password to the router after I blocked all my favorite P sites /chatroom sites /Cam sites .

I still don’t have the router password and that is preventing me from accessing most of the sites I go to but unfortunately I found an alternate url for one of the chatroom sites and that stung :( .

but in the end it’s all about our self discipline so I am living with current rougher restrictions stil on and working on educating myself more as I try to live sober days and gather momentum to make a longer clean streak

MI30S
 
FittyBands

FittyBands

Active Member
20 January 2022: Today was another small loss. $35 down the drain. Curiosity got the best of me, checked the site, a model was having a special for all her vids, and the normally rational thrifty shopper within me irrationally caved. No thrifty shopper thinks this is a good purchase, especially one on a reboot. The post nut clarity hit very hard. Fortunately, I realized that I can overcome this addiction and I want to. Usually, by now I would feel defeated, sad, and feel like I am truly not escaping from my addiction. I know I am struggling. After having this addiction on and off for several years, it will not be easy to actually stop. But, I am already seeing changes. It has been 12 days since I spent money. For the average person, this is hardly an accomplishment, for me, it's a good sign. After all these years, the longest I went without spending money once I was deep in my addiction has been no longer than a week. So 12 days is a long time and I plan to blow that record out of the water. I know I can do this. No more spending in January. I'm taking it one day at a time. Tomorrow: no site checking, no spending. COMMIT! After January comes February. Day by day I will win the small battles. I will overcome this addiction.

I want to be honest with my weaknesses and when I fail. I want people to know that there is a real person here struggling, but also to know that he is going to succeed. I will succeed. You are all my friends and I thank God for having all of you.
 
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