cookiemonster
Active Member
This was just 3 days before my great date.
Staying the course at this moment and controlling myself has to be one of the best gifts I've ever given myself.
Road to freedom
- Thread starter cookiemonster
- Start date
Staying the course at this moment and controlling myself has to be one of the best gifts I've ever given myself.
cookiemonster
Active Member
I'm pretty optimistic about the future and the outcome of this reboot.
8 and 1/2 weeks in and going strong. I've found someone to 'rewire' with. My dick seems to be mostly functional, although it feels like maybe I've flatlined a bit after that first date even though I didn't orgasm.
Ironically I think my problem is going to shift from PIED to delayed ejaculation.
Hopefully things will just keep getting better and better as I abstain from PMO and MO and just see this girl.
The other thing is, I'm not sure how well I will manage a more casual thing without a relationship. I'm someone who catches feels and if I'm having a lot of first times sexually with this girl, I think she's going to make a big impression on me, I mean she already has. But I don't know whether she's purely looking for something casual or open to the prospect of this developing into something more...
She's totally blown me off my feet and I find myself thinking about her during the day which isn't something that's happened to me in years.
I guess I just need to casually bring it up with her and find out what she's thinking. I mean I can't believe this is where I'm at after one date but she just rocked my world.
If she's only looking for something casual then maybe I could manage as long as I was aware of this and there still was some relationship there and connection, not just like a fuck and run scenario but I guess more like a friends with benefits.
I'm pleased my issues these days are mostly about girls and not about porn ahahaha.
8 and 1/2 weeks in and going strong. I've found someone to 'rewire' with. My dick seems to be mostly functional, although it feels like maybe I've flatlined a bit after that first date even though I didn't orgasm.
Ironically I think my problem is going to shift from PIED to delayed ejaculation.
Hopefully things will just keep getting better and better as I abstain from PMO and MO and just see this girl.
The other thing is, I'm not sure how well I will manage a more casual thing without a relationship. I'm someone who catches feels and if I'm having a lot of first times sexually with this girl, I think she's going to make a big impression on me, I mean she already has. But I don't know whether she's purely looking for something casual or open to the prospect of this developing into something more...
She's totally blown me off my feet and I find myself thinking about her during the day which isn't something that's happened to me in years.
I guess I just need to casually bring it up with her and find out what she's thinking. I mean I can't believe this is where I'm at after one date but she just rocked my world.
If she's only looking for something casual then maybe I could manage as long as I was aware of this and there still was some relationship there and connection, not just like a fuck and run scenario but I guess more like a friends with benefits.
I'm pleased my issues these days are mostly about girls and not about porn ahahaha.
cookiemonster
Active Member
I might slightly retract my comment about the flatline after the first date I made half an hour ago. It's now Tuesday evening after the date on Saturday and I tested my erection. Just with some gentle stimulation I was able to get 90-95% hard standing up. It went away almost instantly but that's a promising sign.
forestwater
Member
Congrats on all your progress! Keep it up, and I hope things continue to go well with the girl. (And if you give her as much head as she's been giving you, you'll improve your chances of things going well with her, haha.)
cookiemonster
Active Member
Hahaha you make a good point. Thanks for the encouragement
D
Deleted member 22651
Guest
Mate, you're making such great progress and I'm here for it!!
Congrats on your date, glad to see it went well and that your optimistic about it. I'm rooting for you and all the great things to come
Congrats on your date, glad to see it went well and that your optimistic about it. I'm rooting for you and all the great things to come
cookiemonster
Active Member
Thanks so much Gohan.
Things really are looking up. Dick is mostly working, although erections could still be better and I could be more sensitive in sexual encounters (although I only have one from Saturday to go off).
And I'm super into this girl and she's definitely into me enough to go out of her way to organise a second date (we've had to reschedule multiple times).
I had no idea that in a matter of 8-9 weeks I'd be moving into "chapter 2" of rewiring and considering porn a thing of the past.
cookiemonster
Active Member
A couple of days and I will have reached 9 weeks no PMO.
I've noticed that my mood has been a bit better lately. I've been working out a lot and genuinely enjoying it. I've been listening to music and enjoying it more than usual. I've been appreciating the little things more too.
It's amazing but it's almost like I can feel my dopamine system resetting and now I'm recalibrating so that I can actually feel pleasure from simple things that I never used to.
My sister used to comment on my lack of enthusiasm for some things and I never realized but it might have been because my dopamine system was just fried from porn.
I can see my mood dropping if things don't work out with this girl but I think my dopamine system is healing.
Also something I've been thinking about... The girl I went on the date with did bring up porn at some point. I don't remember the exact context but I mentioned that I used to watch it and stopped.
She herself brought up the topic casually like "yeah some people even end up addicted to it" and that's when I said "yeah that's why I stopped because I didn't want to end up like that". She didn't mention it in a judgemental way but rather just casually. She also mentioned that she uses it when she masturbates to get off. And she shared with me some of her kinks when I was asking what she's into and it was also pretty clear from our sexual encounters that she was a bit kinky. I wonder how much porn she's watched and whether this has influenced her sexual desires etc? Very interesting that she's involved a bit in the porn world. Maybe if it comes up again I'll share with her that it was fucking with me a bit and that's why I stopped.
Also I have a best friend I was talking to about my date and I actually shared with him the PIED problems I was having and how I stopped porn and it's fixing itself. I've never shared this with anyone but now it feels pretty easy to talk about. The fact that I've actually stopped watching porn and am recovering makes me not feel ashamed about it. I don't have to say "I'm a porn addict", I can just say "I found out porn was fucking with my erections, I have stopped, and it's been fixing itself". It just feels kind of normal like it could happen to anyone, which I guess it is!
I've noticed that my mood has been a bit better lately. I've been working out a lot and genuinely enjoying it. I've been listening to music and enjoying it more than usual. I've been appreciating the little things more too.
It's amazing but it's almost like I can feel my dopamine system resetting and now I'm recalibrating so that I can actually feel pleasure from simple things that I never used to.
My sister used to comment on my lack of enthusiasm for some things and I never realized but it might have been because my dopamine system was just fried from porn.
I can see my mood dropping if things don't work out with this girl but I think my dopamine system is healing.
Also something I've been thinking about... The girl I went on the date with did bring up porn at some point. I don't remember the exact context but I mentioned that I used to watch it and stopped.
She herself brought up the topic casually like "yeah some people even end up addicted to it" and that's when I said "yeah that's why I stopped because I didn't want to end up like that". She didn't mention it in a judgemental way but rather just casually. She also mentioned that she uses it when she masturbates to get off. And she shared with me some of her kinks when I was asking what she's into and it was also pretty clear from our sexual encounters that she was a bit kinky. I wonder how much porn she's watched and whether this has influenced her sexual desires etc? Very interesting that she's involved a bit in the porn world. Maybe if it comes up again I'll share with her that it was fucking with me a bit and that's why I stopped.
Also I have a best friend I was talking to about my date and I actually shared with him the PIED problems I was having and how I stopped porn and it's fixing itself. I've never shared this with anyone but now it feels pretty easy to talk about. The fact that I've actually stopped watching porn and am recovering makes me not feel ashamed about it. I don't have to say "I'm a porn addict", I can just say "I found out porn was fucking with my erections, I have stopped, and it's been fixing itself". It just feels kind of normal like it could happen to anyone, which I guess it is!
cookiemonster
Active Member
I woke up this morning with pretty solid morning wood. Went away as soon as I got up.
cookiemonster
Active Member
What are your thoughts on watching some tutorial videos on how to give good head and pleasure a woman?
Maybe best just to read about it rather than watch videos?
I didn't even think about it and looked it up but then paused before watching because I guess this counts as pornography.
I think I've answered my own question. I think I'm in a good spot right now and I won't bother risking it by watching anything. Much easier to have a very strict rule and never break it.
Maybe best just to read about it rather than watch videos?
I didn't even think about it and looked it up but then paused before watching because I guess this counts as pornography.
I think I've answered my own question. I think I'm in a good spot right now and I won't bother risking it by watching anything. Much easier to have a very strict rule and never break it.
cookiemonster
Active Member
I just realized I hit 9 weeks no PMO today (Friday) Let's fucking go!
No MO since last Wednesday. Last Saturday was my first date with this girl. Second date is planned for Sunday.
I didn't think about PMO today at all and I didn't even think about this girl much. I was just busy. But it feels great that urges are non-existant right now!
I might end up orgasming on Sunday and I'll be interested to see if that sends me into a flatline. Otherwise I'm hoping for some raging erections in a couple of weeks again.
No MO since last Wednesday. Last Saturday was my first date with this girl. Second date is planned for Sunday.
I didn't think about PMO today at all and I didn't even think about this girl much. I was just busy. But it feels great that urges are non-existant right now!
I might end up orgasming on Sunday and I'll be interested to see if that sends me into a flatline. Otherwise I'm hoping for some raging erections in a couple of weeks again.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Hello fellow rebooters.
The date didn't go great. When we got back to my place I broached the topic of what she's looking for and she said she's not interested in a relationship with me and also seeing others guys. She was very respectful and she was letting me know outright which I appreciate.
That's fine, but I also didn't feel particularly great afterwards. We made out and fooled around for a bit but I wasn't that into it after she shared that with me as you can imagine. And we didn't have sex after because I just wasn't feeling it.
So she's looking for something casual. And as much as I thought casual sex might work, the idea of her seeing other guys at the same time and knowing she's not interested in a relationship with me, just interested in sex, doesn't really make me feel great. So as nice as it might be for me to have a rewiring partner, if it means nothing to her and I'm just a casual sex partner... Well then I'm not into it I guess.
So I basically listened to how I felt and didn't go any further.
I'm a little upset but that's life.
I couldn't really see a long term relationship with her working out either but there needs to be some intimacy and chemistry beyond just the sexual chemistry for me I think.
Porn remains off the table and not an option.
I have serious blue balls right now.
Fuck man.
Life goes on I guess.
Right now I don't really want to go back on the dating apps and search for someone.
I guess I'll be disappointed for a week or so and just keep on trucking with my other projects and goals.
The date didn't go great. When we got back to my place I broached the topic of what she's looking for and she said she's not interested in a relationship with me and also seeing others guys. She was very respectful and she was letting me know outright which I appreciate.
That's fine, but I also didn't feel particularly great afterwards. We made out and fooled around for a bit but I wasn't that into it after she shared that with me as you can imagine. And we didn't have sex after because I just wasn't feeling it.
So she's looking for something casual. And as much as I thought casual sex might work, the idea of her seeing other guys at the same time and knowing she's not interested in a relationship with me, just interested in sex, doesn't really make me feel great. So as nice as it might be for me to have a rewiring partner, if it means nothing to her and I'm just a casual sex partner... Well then I'm not into it I guess.
So I basically listened to how I felt and didn't go any further.
I'm a little upset but that's life.
I couldn't really see a long term relationship with her working out either but there needs to be some intimacy and chemistry beyond just the sexual chemistry for me I think.
Porn remains off the table and not an option.
I have serious blue balls right now.
Fuck man.
Life goes on I guess.
Right now I don't really want to go back on the dating apps and search for someone.
I guess I'll be disappointed for a week or so and just keep on trucking with my other projects and goals.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Pretty soon I will have reached ten weeks without porn. Wow! Unbelievable.
And then after that it won't be long until I will have reached 3 months, a quarter of a year. I can hardly believe it.
I'm not as pumped and as energetic as I was when I was looking forward to dates with that girl but I'm still doing pretty well.
I just MO'd but I'm pretty indifferent to it. I'm staying clear of porn and at this point it doesn't seem like I'm going to be orgasming from sex so I don't mind if every few weeks I masturbate. It's purely from sensation and no fantasizing. Maybe I can try and keep doing hard mode, particularly if I notice any chaser effect and cravings for porn. But at this stage it just feels good to have a bit of a release once in a while.
I think I've also kind of forgotten what it was like to have PIED where I was whacking a semi-limp dick even with porn. My dick responds well to touch alone, although it's not as wild as it was after that 5 week hard mode right at the beginning. And I imagine it should still just keep getting better and better.
So from here on I think it's just about continuing with no PMO ever and holding off on MO as long as possible but once every few weeks shouldn't be catastrophic.
It's crazy how I've broken the habit of watching porn but I can still feel how easy it would be to watch it "just because" and slip back into the addiction.
If I accomplish nothing else in a day other than succeeding in continuing to not watch porn, that's still a success to a large extent.
Let's keep going.
And then after that it won't be long until I will have reached 3 months, a quarter of a year. I can hardly believe it.
I'm not as pumped and as energetic as I was when I was looking forward to dates with that girl but I'm still doing pretty well.
I just MO'd but I'm pretty indifferent to it. I'm staying clear of porn and at this point it doesn't seem like I'm going to be orgasming from sex so I don't mind if every few weeks I masturbate. It's purely from sensation and no fantasizing. Maybe I can try and keep doing hard mode, particularly if I notice any chaser effect and cravings for porn. But at this stage it just feels good to have a bit of a release once in a while.
I think I've also kind of forgotten what it was like to have PIED where I was whacking a semi-limp dick even with porn. My dick responds well to touch alone, although it's not as wild as it was after that 5 week hard mode right at the beginning. And I imagine it should still just keep getting better and better.
So from here on I think it's just about continuing with no PMO ever and holding off on MO as long as possible but once every few weeks shouldn't be catastrophic.
It's crazy how I've broken the habit of watching porn but I can still feel how easy it would be to watch it "just because" and slip back into the addiction.
If I accomplish nothing else in a day other than succeeding in continuing to not watch porn, that's still a success to a large extent.
Let's keep going.
D
Deleted member 22651
Guest
Congratulations!! You still went out on that date had some fun and stepped out of your usual comfort zone, there's a lot to celebrate here my guy!!
Loving your progress so far man, keep it up!
D
Deleted member 26092
Guest
Great move. You stated what you want. You knew casual sex would not satisfy you so you stayed true to your inner self. That's big, my man. I had a similar date once.Hello fellow rebooters.
The date didn't go great. When we got back to my place I broached the topic of what she's looking for and she said she's not interested in a relationship with me and also seeing others guys. She was very respectful and she was letting me know outright which I appreciate.
That's fine, but I also didn't feel particularly great afterwards. We made out and fooled around for a bit but I wasn't that into it after she shared that with me as you can imagine. And we didn't have sex after because I just wasn't feeling it.
So she's looking for something casual. And as much as I thought casual sex might work, the idea of her seeing other guys at the same time and knowing she's not interested in a relationship with me, just interested in sex, doesn't really make me feel great. So as nice as it might be for me to have a rewiring partner, if it means nothing to her and I'm just a casual sex partner... Well then I'm not into it I guess.
So I basically listened to how I felt and didn't go any further.
I'm a little upset but that's life.
I couldn't really see a long term relationship with her working out either but there needs to be some intimacy and chemistry beyond just the sexual chemistry for me I think.
Porn remains off the table and not an option.
I have serious blue balls right now.
Fuck man.
Life goes on I guess.
Right now I don't really want to go back on the dating apps and search for someone.
I guess I'll be disappointed for a week or so and just keep on trucking with my other projects and goals.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Thanks so much for the support guys, it means a lot and logging on to this encouragement has just made my day.
I am happy I listened to how I was feeling and respected myself. I'm also glad I stepped out of my comfort zone. I still had what I would consider an enjoyable and positive experience. It was fun and also helped me grow as a person. It sounds a little cliché but just putting myself out there again, going on some dates, having some sexual encounters with girls... These are things I haven't done for a long time and learning what I want in relationships etc is just as important to me as the reboot.
Overall a lot to celebrate as Gohan said. I'm coming up on 10 weeks no PMO, my penis mostly works, I've gone on some dates and I've made a lot of progress.
Mood-wise I'm starting to pick up too since that last date. Let's keep going!
I am happy I listened to how I was feeling and respected myself. I'm also glad I stepped out of my comfort zone. I still had what I would consider an enjoyable and positive experience. It was fun and also helped me grow as a person. It sounds a little cliché but just putting myself out there again, going on some dates, having some sexual encounters with girls... These are things I haven't done for a long time and learning what I want in relationships etc is just as important to me as the reboot.
Overall a lot to celebrate as Gohan said. I'm coming up on 10 weeks no PMO, my penis mostly works, I've gone on some dates and I've made a lot of progress.
Mood-wise I'm starting to pick up too since that last date. Let's keep going!
cookiemonster
Active Member
10 weeks. We made it.
I'm going through a rough patch in terms of urges. I guess some chaser effect from MO + there were some nude scenes in a show I saw. I think it's the nude scenes mostly, I've managed to just avoid buying into triggers and I let my guard down a little by actually allowing myself to admire the women, bad idea I guess!
I need to slow everything down, have a good night's rest. Remind myself why I'm doing what I'm doing and be proud of all the good work I've put in and not spoil it!
I'm going through a rough patch in terms of urges. I guess some chaser effect from MO + there were some nude scenes in a show I saw. I think it's the nude scenes mostly, I've managed to just avoid buying into triggers and I let my guard down a little by actually allowing myself to admire the women, bad idea I guess!
I need to slow everything down, have a good night's rest. Remind myself why I'm doing what I'm doing and be proud of all the good work I've put in and not spoil it!
cookiemonster
Active Member
Hey fellow rebooters.
I have somewhat sad news to share. I have relapsed multiple times in the past few weeks. I'm sure I'll share more details slowly but for now I want to make this post to get myself back on track. I've been avoiding it because I didn't want to admit defeat and face the reality.
Anyway, here I am admitting my defeat so I can get started again.
I came such a long way. My erections recovered so much and my natural sex drive bounced back a lot. I'm not going to throw that away for some PMO which doesn't even feel that good, so I'm going to get right back on that horse and continue rebooting.
Like I mentioned right at the beginning of this journey, I've got a lot going for me and porn doesn't consume my entire life. Whether I'm PMOing or not I have a lot to be grateful for, I am excited about a lot in my life and I have plenty of confidence with girls.
However, I want a working dick and unaltered sex drive because I think that will make my confidence and sex life even better.
I'll try to not post so much and quietly recover in the background because I will gain more satisfaction from getting the job done rather than talking about it. But if it helps to post and I feel like posting I'll let that happen. So I have no idea whether I'll be going quiet for a while again or I'll end up posting multiple times a day.
Putting this out there to hold myself accountable again. 10 weeks is no achievement at all given I want to spend the rest of my life PMO free, however, the amount that I improved in such a short period of time is very encouraging for me. I hope to be healthy very soon again.
I have somewhat sad news to share. I have relapsed multiple times in the past few weeks. I'm sure I'll share more details slowly but for now I want to make this post to get myself back on track. I've been avoiding it because I didn't want to admit defeat and face the reality.
Anyway, here I am admitting my defeat so I can get started again.
I came such a long way. My erections recovered so much and my natural sex drive bounced back a lot. I'm not going to throw that away for some PMO which doesn't even feel that good, so I'm going to get right back on that horse and continue rebooting.
Like I mentioned right at the beginning of this journey, I've got a lot going for me and porn doesn't consume my entire life. Whether I'm PMOing or not I have a lot to be grateful for, I am excited about a lot in my life and I have plenty of confidence with girls.
However, I want a working dick and unaltered sex drive because I think that will make my confidence and sex life even better.
I'll try to not post so much and quietly recover in the background because I will gain more satisfaction from getting the job done rather than talking about it. But if it helps to post and I feel like posting I'll let that happen. So I have no idea whether I'll be going quiet for a while again or I'll end up posting multiple times a day.
Putting this out there to hold myself accountable again. 10 weeks is no achievement at all given I want to spend the rest of my life PMO free, however, the amount that I improved in such a short period of time is very encouraging for me. I hope to be healthy very soon again.
cookiemonster
Active Member
I might reflect on my relapse so that others can learn from my mistakes.
After I finished up with those dates with that girl I sort of lost some of the motivation to get out there and pursue things with girls. It's not like I didn't want to do that anymore, I just wasn't so immediately compelled to do it.
I also noticed that fire in my belly yelling "THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO RELAPSE" started to dwindle. I didn't care as much, I guess that's because I didn't think I was going to have a need for a working penis anytime soon.
The relapse began well before it actually happened. I lost a series of battles upstream which led to consequences downstream. I MO'd with no fantisizing. Then I MO'd again the next day. Then came some more MOing with a tighter grip and more impulsively. I stopped policing my thoughts as much. I used to have a no tolerance policy for porn-like thoughts or fantasizing, if I saw a triggering piece of content online I wouldn't engage with it, I'd acknowledge it but not actually activate those porn pathways, I didn't let myself get drawn in by them and my eyes never lingered.
Slowly I stopped policing my thoughts, my eyes started lingering and I started to fantisize just a little when MOing. Then I MOd with porn substitutes and then finally full PMO.
I've uninstalled the dating apps. Not worth my time nor the triggers now that I'm going to be meeting girls in person again at parties and things!
Lessons learned:
After I finished up with those dates with that girl I sort of lost some of the motivation to get out there and pursue things with girls. It's not like I didn't want to do that anymore, I just wasn't so immediately compelled to do it.
I also noticed that fire in my belly yelling "THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO RELAPSE" started to dwindle. I didn't care as much, I guess that's because I didn't think I was going to have a need for a working penis anytime soon.
The relapse began well before it actually happened. I lost a series of battles upstream which led to consequences downstream. I MO'd with no fantisizing. Then I MO'd again the next day. Then came some more MOing with a tighter grip and more impulsively. I stopped policing my thoughts as much. I used to have a no tolerance policy for porn-like thoughts or fantasizing, if I saw a triggering piece of content online I wouldn't engage with it, I'd acknowledge it but not actually activate those porn pathways, I didn't let myself get drawn in by them and my eyes never lingered.
Slowly I stopped policing my thoughts, my eyes started lingering and I started to fantisize just a little when MOing. Then I MOd with porn substitutes and then finally full PMO.
I've uninstalled the dating apps. Not worth my time nor the triggers now that I'm going to be meeting girls in person again at parties and things!
Lessons learned:
- Win the easier battles. Win the battles upstream, don't give an inch here and you won't have unbeatable urges downstream
- Keep consulting Reebot Nation regularly to keep necessity up