Up and down ED

Here we are. No sex since the last post when I thought for sure it was coming. She got weirded out and some resentment about our situation bubbled to the surface. She’s angry that we’re here. MOST of the time she’s an angel and very supportive. This morning, she was kind and loving, but made it very clear that she’s unhappy about the situation and unhappy with me. She recoils a bit when I approach her with sexual energy. If we’re spooning and I get hard, she pulls away. If I try to get too touchy or kissy or whatever, she pulls away. This morning we were both kind of sleeping still, she was basically laying on me. I got hard…..as soon as I did she essentially jumped to the other side of the bed. Her confidence is shot and she blames me for it. I get it. I don’t blame her. But if you know our story and know how we got here, then you’d know that this is stirring up the same feelings in me that sent me to porn in the first place.

I spent the night last night frustrated and angry……and horny. I was mad AT her which isn’t helping anyone. I can tell that I’m very close to this whole problem being over. I easily get aroused by her touch. I’m all but certain my PIED is gone and the only thing I suffer from is performance anxiety. This shit isn’t helping. I feel like the only thing left that I need is some time where we can just focus on each other. More than one night. A weekend maybe. A moment where I can fail to get hard and then overcome it. A moment where we can take our time and I can practice fucking her like she was used to being fucked. How we we ever get that moment if she’s cynical and I’m aggravated?

I KNOW we’re doing the right things. We are strong. I KNOW we’re going to get better. It’s just aggravating how much this stupid fucking problem permeates into all facets of life. I carry it with me everywhere I go. I see in her eyes that she carries it with her too. Her face is different….or indifferent when she looks at me. That spark isn’t in her eyes. The tone of her voice is different when she speaks to me….business like and very matter of fact. No indications of love or attraction in the way she speaks to me. Her “I Love You Too’s” have become a mumbled, barely spoken “love you” only because that’s what you’re supposed to say when your husband says it first. I know I’m her person. I know she loves me. I don’t question that. I know we’re strong and will get better. But right now we’re in a valley and this valley can eat a whole big bag of dicks.
Bro one suggestion.

Has it ever occurred to you that she might be having some issue with her own body or psychology, that causes her to pull away from you the moment she feels your erect dick?

What's her age? Is she having menopause or something like that? Any disorders that cause imbalance of hormones?

Coz I have read at multiple places that hormonal imbalance can lead to women losing interest in sex.
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
Bro one suggestion.

Has it ever occurred to you that she might be having some issue with her own body or psychology, that causes her to pull away from you the moment she feels your erect dick?

What's her age? Is she having menopause or something like that? Any disorders that cause imbalance of hormones?

Coz I have read at multiple places that hormonal imbalance can lead to women losing interest in sex.
Oh absolutely dude. Thank you for the suggestion. She’s not of menopause age. Mid 30’s. We’ve just got ourselves a doozy of a situation.
Her - meds - killed sex drive
Me - pissed - angrily pmo
Her - gets off meds - libido returns
Me - oh no my dicks broke
Her - may as well comfort myself with this snack before bed. A little weight gain mixed with the terrible feelings of unattractiveness that comes with a spouses broken member.
Me - quits pmo - dick comes back
Her - wtf I’m not used to this and I feel like a fat whale.
Both of us - frustrated.

that’s pretty much the cycle we’re in. It’s all good. I’m desperately trying to make sexual intimacy a non-issue. Even without sex, she’s my best friend and an amazing partner. We’ve solved problems far more dire than this.

One day soon I’ll be writing a victory post on here man. It’s not going to be long. I can feel it in my bones.
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
Bro one suggestion.

Has it ever occurred to you that she might be having some issue with her own body or psychology, that causes her to pull away from you the moment she feels your erect dick?

What's her age? Is she having menopause or something like that? Any disorders that cause imbalance of hormones?

Coz I have read at multiple places that hormonal imbalance can lead to women losing interest in sex.
I appreciate the support mang
 

LionHeart

Member
My wife gained a few pounds coz she gave birth. Luckily she has always been very enthusiatic with working out. She hits the gym like 4 times a week and i gotta tell you man she has done some serious weight loss and now she's pretty thin yet muscular. Fucking gorgeous.. my point being, if you are not exercising yet start doing so and provoke her as well to start exercising with you?

Me and my lady both go to the same gym. Not together coz one has to stay home with kids. We both exercise like lunatics. We share the same passion for weights.
I'm not suggesting this because i think your wife needs to lose weight but because it makes her feel better inside for herself. When she feels better about herself she radiates her confidence and good mood all around her. You know? :)
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
My wife gained a few pounds coz she gave birth. Luckily she has always been very enthusiatic with working out. She hits the gym like 4 times a week and i gotta tell you man she has done some serious weight loss and now she's pretty thin yet muscular. Fucking gorgeous.. my point being, if you are not exercising yet start doing so and provoke her as well to start exercising with you?

Me and my lady both go to the same gym. Not together coz one has to stay home with kids. We both exercise like lunatics. We share the same passion for weights.
I'm not suggesting this because i think your wife needs to lose weight but because it makes her feel better inside for herself. When she feels better about herself she radiates her confidence and good mood all around her. You know? :)
Thanks for the suggestion. We are actually both in the process of trying to be healthier overall. Scheduling
My wife gained a few pounds coz she gave birth. Luckily she has always been very enthusiatic with working out. She hits the gym like 4 times a week and i gotta tell you man she has done some serious weight loss and now she's pretty thin yet muscular. Fucking gorgeous.. my point being, if you are not exercising yet start doing so and provoke her as well to start exercising with you?

Me and my lady both go to the same gym. Not together coz one has to stay home with kids. We both exercise like lunatics. We share the same passion for weights.
I'm not suggesting this because i think your wife needs to lose weight but because it makes her feel better inside for herself. When she feels better about herself she radiates her confidence and good mood all around her. You know? :)
we worked out together tonight for the first time in years. Gonna start doing it 3 times a week. All her idea!
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
Good morning friends. Quick update this morning. Last night my wife and I were together. My dick worked and although it took me a minute to find my rhythm, I did not cum immediately. You know who did cum on a cock for the first time in probably a year? My spouse. There is a cure for pied gentlemen. It’s not easy and most days for the past 4 months I’ve felt like a depressed piece of shit. But last night was hopefully a taste of what the next chapter of our life will look like. You gents have been an absolute godsend throughout this journey. I’m sure you’ll continue to be. Thank you for all the support and advice. I know this isn’t over yet but damn it last night felt good.
 
Good morning friends. Quick update this morning. Last night my wife and I were together. My dick worked and although it took me a minute to find my rhythm, I did not cum immediately. You know who did cum on a cock for the first time in probably a year? My spouse. There is a cure for pied gentlemen. It’s not easy and most days for the past 4 months I’ve felt like a depressed piece of shit. But last night was hopefully a taste of what the next chapter of our life will look like. You gents have been an absolute godsend throughout this journey. I’m sure you’ll continue to be. Thank you for all the support and advice. I know this isn’t over yet but damn it last night felt good.
So happy to know that!

I believe the sight of watching your woman orgasm is much more satisfying than your own orgasm.
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
Came super close to….if not completely relapsed today. Apparently a trigger of mine is when I’m irritated with my spouse. I ended up fast forwarding through about 4 videos. I didn’t PMO. Didn’t M. But I looked
 

otanerferguson

Active Member
Came super close to….if not completely relapsed today. Apparently a trigger of mine is when I’m irritated with my spouse. I ended up fast forwarding through about 4 videos. I didn’t PMO. Didn’t M. But I looked
I won't tell you what to do, but I suggest you rather break the china or punch a hole in the drywall. When YOUR shit breaks again, cause that's the only outcome, that finding won't be as interesting.

Starting over sucks ass my friend. Don't!
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
I won't tell you what to do, but I suggest you rather break the china or punch a hole in the drywall. When YOUR shit breaks again, cause that's the only outcome, that finding won't be as interesting.

Starting over sucks ass my friend. Don't!
Dude you're right. I have no idea what happened. I wasn't planning on it. I wasn't wanting to. I wasn't feeling any urges. Then....out of the blue and without warning something in my head went "ok....so here's what we're going to do". Before I could even give it a conscious thought. I went to my old favorite category and clicked a couple videos. Skipped through them and didn't watch the entire things. But I could feel a dopamine rush in my head. It was at that moment I realized what had happened and I shut it off. I feel like an asshole.
 

LionHeart

Member
Dude you're right. I have no idea what happened. I wasn't planning on it. I wasn't wanting to. I wasn't feeling any urges. Then....out of the blue and without warning something in my head went "ok....so here's what we're going to do". Before I could even give it a conscious thought. I went to my old favorite category and clicked a couple videos. Skipped through them and didn't watch the entire things. But I could feel a dopamine rush in my head. It was at that moment I realized what had happened and I shut it off. I feel like an asshole.
Aww shit. Shame on you! I kinda relate to you. I'm an older guy as well, have a wife and kids and schedules and shit. I come here mostly just to check your progress :D i have not made any of my own updates for a a while but i stick around in a scene nevertheless.

I have not relapsed. Sure i have seen some tits when scrolling the boards few weeks ago but those didn't give me any exitement and i kept scrolling. And now i don't visit those boards/forums anymore. I have actually dramatically reduced my pointless internet usage in every possible ways. I watch only netflix, sometimes youtube, pay my bills, and if i'm really bored i read some news headlines. I rewire sex things with my woman but i also rewire myself with the real world, away from the net. I find it highly satisfying. Anxiety, stress and bad mood are almost gone by now.

I've been in a flatline for a few weeks now and libido has been almost zero. Yesterday and today i feel it might be waking up. I'm not sure. I feel better and i have little pressure down there and boners are easier and harder. Makes me kinda wanna have sex.. what a nice feeling. It also might be because i have started to take t-supplements recently, like few days ago. I know these supps are quite controversy and they are not supposed to work so quickly, if they even work at all... but who knows. Basicly they are just zinc, vitamin b6 and tribulus terrestris. But hey, they don't do any harm so why not taking them.

Edit: oh, and i've been having fatigue and muscle pain recently. I don't know if they are due to my nofap or perhaps covid19? I'm little sick, like very little. Just minor cough. Some of my family members have covid infection right now, so i don't know. Muscle pains might be because of that also.
 
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Tryinghere

Active Member
Aww shit. Shame on you! I kinda relate to you. I'm an older guy as well, have a wife and kids and schedules and shit. I come here mostly just to check your progress :D i have not made any of my own updates for a a while but i stick around in a scene nevertheless.

I have not relapsed. Sure i have seen some tits when scrolling the boards few weeks ago but those didn't give me any exitement and i kept scrolling. And now i don't visit those boards/forums anymore. I have actually dramatically reduced my pointless internet usage in every possible ways. I watch only netflix, sometimes youtube, pay my bills, and if i'm really bored i read some news headlines. I rewire sex things with my woman but i also rewire myself with the real world, away from the net. I find it highly satisfying. Anxiety, stress and bad mood are almost gone by now.

I've been in a flatline for a few weeks now and libido has been almost zero. Yesterday and today i feel it might be waking up. I'm not sure. I feel better and i have little pressure down there and boners are easier and harder. Makes me kinda wanna have sex.. what a nice feeling. It also might be because i have started to take t-supplements recently, like few days ago. I know these supps are quite controversy and they are not supposed to work so quickly, if they even work at all... but who knows. Basicly they are just zinc, vitamin b6 and tribulus terrestris. But hey, they don't do any harm so why not taking them.

Edit: oh, and i've been having fatigue and muscle pain recently. I don't know if they are due to my nofap or perhaps covid19? I'm little sick, like very little. Just minor cough. Some of my family members have covid infection right now, so i don't know. Muscle pains might be because of that also.
Yoooo. Thanks for checking in on me. I’d almost bet your fatigue is Covidey lol. The shit went through our house after the new year. Let me know your thoughts on T-supplements. I took Alphaviril for a couple months to help me along the way and I noticed an immediate difference the first week or two then it faded to nothing.

that’s funny you mentioned getting off the internet. I started that process long before I knew porn was an issue. I have a couple social media pages, but I rarely, if ever, visit them. Stepping away from the matrix was huge for me. I still have my gadgets. I read the news and watch some shows, stream music and work from my devices. But I no longer aimlessly surf the web or social media.
How long ago to you start your reboot?
My sex drive is back. For sure. My confidence in the sack is lacking and my wife and I need practice being together again. Usually it’s pretty awkward unless I wait for her to be so horny she can’t see straight. Otherwise she doesn’t seem to into the idea.

the schedule of easing kids and running businesses makes it nearly impossible to get any quality time together.
 

LionHeart

Member
Yoooo. Thanks for checking in on me. I’d almost bet your fatigue is Covidey lol. The shit went through our house after the new year. Let me know your thoughts on T-supplements. I took Alphaviril for a couple months to help me along the way and I noticed an immediate difference the first week or two then it faded to nothing.

that’s funny you mentioned getting off the internet. I started that process long before I knew porn was an issue. I have a couple social media pages, but I rarely, if ever, visit them. Stepping away from the matrix was huge for me. I still have my gadgets. I read the news and watch some shows, stream music and work from my devices. But I no longer aimlessly surf the web or social media.
How long ago to you start your reboot?
My sex drive is back. For sure. My confidence in the sack is lacking and my wife and I need practice being together again. Usually it’s pretty awkward unless I wait for her to be so horny she can’t see straight. Otherwise she doesn’t seem to into the idea.

the schedule of easing kids and running businesses makes it nearly impossible to get any quality time together.
I'm on day 65 in my reboot. Today i feel better. Yes i'm still little sick but i'm not tired, so perhaps fatigue was due to covid instead of reboot.

I miss my libido. Where is it? :/ i know it will return at some point but not knowing it for sure leaves some room for doubt. This really calls for patience. I've seen some signs that it might be returning but within few hours or so it falls into deep slumber again. Stays hidden for few days and then it might give a little sign of waking up and then go away again. It's almost impossible to believe that before day 90 it will come back. Perhaps it might return before 150 days have passed, but i don't know. This sucks monkey balls :D
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
I'm on day 65 in my reboot. Today i feel better. Yes i'm still little sick but i'm not tired, so perhaps fatigue was due to covid instead of reboot.

I miss my libido. Where is it? :/ i know it will return at some point but not knowing it for sure leaves some room for doubt. This really calls for patience. I've seen some signs that it might be returning but within few hours or so it falls into deep slumber again. Stays hidden for few days and then it might give a little sign of waking up and then go away again. It's almost impossible to believe that before day 90 it will come back. Perhaps it might return before 150 days have passed, but i don't know. This sucks monkey balls :D
Oh man. Yeah if you’re anything like where I was at 65 you’re in the middle of the shit right now. It gets better. The best advice I have is meditation, cold showers, and foolin around w your lady even if you aren’t feeling it.
It’ll get better dude. Sometimes you just have to keep going through the motions even though everything sucks.
 
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