Accountability (update 09.07.22)

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tl23

Member
Well, here it goes. I gave a bit of an intro in another thread, but I'll tell some context/history here and count this as Day 1 of no porn or other sexually addictive behaviors.

History
I'm in my 30s, married, no kids (and don't have plans to have them). For as long as I can remember, I've struggled with an addiction to porn. I've lived in shame my entire life and two months ago I took action to find a therapist to help me fix this problem and heal. When I was younger, I started looking at porn. While I can't pinpoint it, eventually that moved to porn consuming my life. Until two months ago when I started therapy for this, I never told anyone. Even when I went to other therapists, I never addressed this issue.

When I started two months ago, I didn’t know what I wanted. But I realized soon after starting that I needed to be honest and end my P addiction.

So, today I'm going to start journaling and make this Day 1 of no porn. There are lots of triggers and reasons for how I got here... and I'll detail them in other channels. But, for now, I'm focusing on being happy I'm here and sharing my story and holding myself accountable.

I vow to do my best to ask for help when I need it.
 
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Chris1986

Chris1986

Active Member
Well done for taking steps in becoming a new healthier version of you.
I know the sexting, kik/snapchat/messenger services loop. Thankfully you are seeking change before it escalated again.
I did therapy for a year plus but for a while I was still holding back. Even on here I was. You have to be 100% with yourself and do the hard work. I found after my relationship nearly ended and I was inbetween living at my parents and air BnB's I had to really look at myself and stop holding things back. I felt transformed afterward.

Have you got any intention of speaking to your wife about this? Has she ever questioned you about your phone usage?
 
T

tl23

Member
Chris1986 said:
Well done for taking steps in becoming a new healthier version of you.
I know the sexting, kik/snapchat/messenger services loop. Thankfully you are seeking change before it escalated again.
I did therapy for a year plus but for a while I was still holding back. Even on here I was. You have to be 100% with yourself and do the hard work. I found after my relationship nearly ended and I was inbetween living at my parents and air BnB's I had to really look at myself and stop holding things back. I felt transformed afterward.

Have you got any intention of speaking to your wife about this? Has she ever questioned you about your phone usage?
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Hi Chris. Glad to hear your experience. At this time, I'm not willing to speak to my wife about this. I realize that many would tell me that this isn't acceptable. But, for me, I know I can work this out and I know that since this predates me knowing her by years that it's NOT about her and more about things I need to come to terms with. I think the best I can do right now is make a commitment to myself (and her) to be faithful and get this help.
 
Chris1986

Chris1986

Active Member
My situation differs from yours as I was found out. As much as I hate that and wish I was able to do this just off my own back I am glad it happened as it set into motion my true recovery. I tried stopping on my own for years but to no success. I think trying to deal with this secretly behind your wife's back could feed into the dishonesty that addictions absolutely crave. I really struggled with my honesty even after being found out. It took a lot of work to stop lying to my partner and myself.
She helped me so much and my recovery being g open and not hidden meant it was part if our lives. Did it suck for a while. Oh hell yes it was awful but we put the work in and we are healthier and more connected than ever.

Like I say I am just talking from how my experience was/is.
 
T

tl23

Member
Chris1986 said:
My situation differs from yours as I was found out. As much as I hate that and wish I was able to do this just off my own back I am glad it happened as it set into motion my true recovery. I tried stopping on my own for years but to no success. I think trying to deal with this secretly behind your wife's back could feed into the dishonesty that addictions absolutely crave. I really struggled with my honesty even after being found out. It took a lot of work to stop lying to my partner and myself.
She helped me so much and my recovery being g open and not hidden meant it was part if our lives. Did it suck for a while. Oh hell yes it was awful but we put the work in and we are healthier and more connected than ever.

Like I say I am just talking from how my experience was/is.
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Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm happy that you had this experience!
 
T

tl23

Member
Today is Day 3 and I made it through last night. I did an initial consultation with a coach through an app called "Four Streams." I was paired with a coach with a history of helping people with pornography addiction and I'm excited to see where it takes me.
 
T

tl23

Member
Closing out Day 3 here and got a workout in. One of my goals that I’m working on with my coach is to make new rituals at night (a time I’m typically prone to give into my addiction). Baby steps, but I’m happy to have replaced a habit for one night tonight.
 
Rumson

Rumson

Member
@j165 Thanks for sharing your story. I myself am 32 and I'm also on day 3 of no porn.

I've read up about flatlines - in essence they are times in which we no longer get the "high" or dopamine kick and they can last a while. It seems like it can take 60-90 days to get through this. My point being, we need other natural things to make us feel better. I'm gonna try out cold showers and exercising. If anyone else has some ideas or practical advice let me know.

I marked my calendar for 90 days from now - 26 July 2022. Porn is NOT an option. Let's do this guys.
 
T

tl23

Member
Rumson said:
@j165 Thanks for sharing your story. I myself am 32 and I'm also on day 3 of no porn.

I've read up about flatlines - in essence they are times in which we no longer get the "high" or dopamine kick and they can last a while. It seems like it can take 60-90 days to get through this. My point being, we need other natural things to make us feel better. I'm gonna try out cold showers and exercising. If anyone else has some ideas or practical advice let me know.

I marked my calendar for 90 days from now - 26 July 2022. Porn is NOT an option. Let's do this guys.
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Good luck to you and thanks for sharing your journey, too. Good to have a buddy at the same point. I'll definitely read about flatlines!
 
T

tl23

Member
j165 said:
Good luck to you and thanks for sharing your journey, too. Good to have a buddy at the same point. I'll definitely read about flatlines!
Rumson said:
@j165 Thanks for sharing your story. I myself am 32 and I'm also on day 3 of no porn.

I've read up about flatlines - in essence they are times in which we no longer get the "high" or dopamine kick and they can last a while. It seems like it can take 60-90 days to get through this. My point being, we need other natural things to make us feel better. I'm gonna try out cold showers and exercising. If anyone else has some ideas or practical advice let me know.

I marked my calendar for 90 days from now - 26 July 2022. Porn is NOT an option. Let's do this guys.
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Hey this might be exactly what you saw, @Rumson, but this was a really helpful read for me: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ybo...rn-recovery-and-the-mysterious-flatline-2013/
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T

tl23

Member
Today's Day 5. I'm finding today to be more challenging... though I'm trying to stay strong. My wife is out of town (which rarely happens). But when it does I'm so used to PMO and sexting. I know it's not an option - but I'm finding myself reminding myself of it all day.
 
Rumson

Rumson

Member
T

tl23

Member
Rumson said:
@j165 Try to get your mind of those things, if it gets really tough, take a cold shower of do soem exercise. Have you read up or watched videos about how addiction starts in the brain? Even the thoughts start a dopamine release so be careful.

Try to find some practical tips on fighting it. There's a book called Dopamine Nation which gives some good information. Check out this article too: https://oceanrecoverycentre.com/2016/07/the-ultimate-guide-to-overcoming-internet-porn-addiction/
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I’ll definitely give this a read. Thank you! I worked out earlier and then found a show I wanted to watch. So, I made it! Day by day.
 
T

tl23

Member
Day 6, still going strong. I definitely noticed I was less aroused all around today and just felt less urges. Day by day.
 
ShadeTrenicin

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
That's the spirit! Take it day by day.

Well done on not giving in when your wife was Away. (That is 100% recognizable for me).

Feels good not to give in, right?


Kep going strong. I'm rooting for you
 
T

tl23

Member
ShadeTrenicin said:
That's the spirit! Take it day by day.

Well done on not giving in when your wife was Away. (That is 100% recognizable for me).

Feels good not to give in, right?


Kep going strong. I'm rooting for you
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This reply meant so much to me. For years this has all felt so isolating and knowing I have someone in my corner who gets it means the world.
 
T

tl23

Member
It’s Day 8 and I’ve made it. I’ve definitely had my challenges. This morning I woke up with MW after two sexually charged dreams. I’m abstaining from all M right now, at least for 60 days. It’s weird to see my libido fluctuate but it’s also interesting. For years I just PMO without thinking about it or without anything but a primitive urge.

I’m happy to be stringing together small wins. Little by little.
 
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T

tl23

Member
Today is Day 10! I will definitely say it's starting to feel more routine to avoid PMO - but I'm reminding myself that there will be bumps along the way. I've been really stressed at work and at home this week -- and I'm proud that I haven't caved to PMO like I might have in the past. Here's to more and more progress.
 
particularly_respecting

particularly_respecting

Active Member
j165 said:
Today is Day 10! I will definitely say it's starting to feel more routine to avoid PMO - but I'm reminding myself that there will be bumps along the way. I've been really stressed at work and at home this week -- and I'm proud that I haven't caved to PMO like I might have in the past. Here's to more and more progress.
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Great progress @j165! 💪
 
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