Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
Day 4 again
I wanted to stay away from phone and manage my urges and get back to sober ways but what I did was just picked up phone late just before hitting bed and chatted filthy for 75 mins .

the rebellious side of me did take over my wish for sobriety and I finally stopped without MO ing but felt terrible that I did not stick to my discipline schedule I have planned for myself.

living a disciplined and sober life is still a dream for me .
my urges set me go like a freak and breaks all the order and organization I am trying to bring into my life .

day 5 tomorrow .
I need to do Better than this … why am I not doing it ? Because I chose wrong thing … I had a moment to make that right choice … I did not make the right choice … that’s the only reason I am here miserable…. And typing
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
Day 5
Woke up and ……
Straight went to phone picked up and went to bathroom with it and started chatting…

few minutes later I stopped myself .
Now I’m here ….

god this is difficult for humans ….
we poor creatures . How on earth do we live sober even if we want to . It’s a constant uphill battle . No wonder we get tired of it and give up eventually .
My plan for moving forward from here will be …

Stay away from phone and unwanted browsing and get back to sober ways of living disciplined life . I may say something I will do and the rebel inside me will try to make sure I fail .

It’s hard to beat him .my bad side .
He is SMART ,STUBBORN. STRONG and RELENTLESS .

only way I will succeed is by becoming
More SMARTER , STUBBORN. STRONG and RELENTLESS and CONFIDENT than my rebellious self .
There is no option but to fight this or else he is going to make sure I stay in the ruins for the rest of my life !
Ok I need to gather myself up here day 5 and move on ….
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
This is not how reboot is done . I hope that is clear to folks reading my posts .

to do a reboot you need 100% commitment (no two minds like me) and no creating fake powerful enemy to loose to and MO , no self hypnosis , no self sabotage , zero or (<1%) exposure to explicit content and platforms apps sites .
And 0 second brain power spent on fantasizing

Now that’s how to live successful sober life and do a good reboot!
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
Day 5
Woke up and ……
Straight went to phone picked up and went to bathroom with it and started chatting…

few minutes later I stopped myself .
Now I’m here ….

god this is difficult for humans ….
we poor creatures . How on earth do we live sober even if we want to . It’s a constant uphill battle . No wonder we get tired of it and give up eventually .
My plan for moving forward from here will be …

Stay away from phone and unwanted browsing and get back to sober ways of living disciplined life . I may say something I will do and the rebel inside me will try to make sure I fail .

It’s hard to beat him .my bad side .
He is SMART ,STUBBORN. STRONG and RELENTLESS .

only way I will succeed is by becoming
More SMARTER , STUBBORN. STRONG and RELENTLESS and CONFIDENT than my rebellious self .
There is no option but to fight this or else he is going to make sure I stay in the ruins for the rest of my life !
Ok I need to gather myself up here day 5 and move on ….
I said all this and the very next moment I was chatting on my phone . Such a hypocrite I am
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
I think I have been making a fool out of myself BIG TIME !

Such a naive man I am . Cannot decide what is good for me what is not . I don’t know if I will ever recover . I don’t know .

This is now a proven addiction in my life
Chat addiction.

God ! Only you can fix me and save me . I am powerless and defeated I turn to you my lord looking to you for help !

Save me ! Help me ! Heal me !
 
Hey man, sorry to hear about the relapse but the important thing is that you still have the desire within you to quit
I believe in you and I know you have the strength within you to beat this 💪

It seems the chat rooms are an issue for you - are there any emotional triggers, etc. that lead to acting out?
How about not taking the phone in the bathroom. You could even always leave it in another room of the house if possible?
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
Hey man, sorry to hear about the relapse but the important thing is that you still have the desire within you to quit
I believe in you and I know you have the strength within you to beat this 💪

It seems the chat rooms are an issue for you - are there any emotional triggers, etc. that lead to acting out?
How about not taking the phone in the bathroom. You could even always leave it in another room of the house if possible?
My triggers are
1. Loneliness
2. Boredom
3. Setbacks (big or small/mental , emotional, physical)
4. Free time and empty mind/ days when I am not engaged into something actively
5. Over eating
6. Recalling past euphoric moments .
7. Cell phone (this is probably a medium and a trigger as well )

what can I do to shut these all off ?
I can
1) lead an old school lifestyle spending more time with people less with technology (as less as possible)
2) fill up my calendar with interesting stuff and do them (I am working on it but way long to accomplish on this discipline)
3) eat high quality low quantity food .
4) manage my negative emotions/nervousness better by meditating
5)grow self confidence by keeping my words/commitments (I will block sometime on my calendar to regularly meditate)
6) exercise daily .

I will do these this time and give it a shot at longer sobriety streak . Let’s see what I am able to achieve this time .
@particularly_respecting thanks for asking this question .

My life has been -
1) make grand plans
2) do not execute on them consistently
3) fail
4) make new grand plans

No one can help me . I am making a big fool of myself. Only I can help myself get out of this vicious addiction cycle and make new plan cycle .

Thanks for reading all this BS and self rant .
I hope some ideas I wrote resonate with you and helps your journey in life .
 
Nice - sounds like you have a done a lot of thinking about this - I think you know what to do. You got this brother 💪

Btw you are not making a fool of yourself and it is not BS - this is the point of the journals
Probably most of the posters in this forum have been in situations very similar and know how it feels (certainly I do)
Stay strong - you'll get through this
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Nice - sounds like you have a done a lot of thinking about this - I think you know what to do. You got this brother 💪

Btw you are not making a fool of yourself and it is not BS - this is the point of the journals
Probably most of the posters in this forum have been in situations very similar and know how it feels (certainly I do)
Stay strong - you'll get through this
That's right, man, I know everything about beating yourself in the head for this, I've been doing this on my journal but I don't think it leads to something good. But I understand why someone would want to do something like this, it's exasperating to still be trapped in this fuckin addiction, it's annoying, and for some of us being in our 30s is very frustrating. I understand what it's like to feel like you're running out of time. But this creates pressure and I know everything about pressure. This can only be done slowly and carefully, not rushing through it and it might require extra time (yeah, I know) but at least we should do it right. I know, it's annoying to be 31 like myself and still "need more time"... But rushing leads to pressure and pressure leads to failing.
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
Day 2 sober .

Let us earn more sober days and streaks with an awareness that we are not sure which day is our last day.

let us live our dream life before the bubble of life bursts on us . Let’s be aware that
The bubble of life is inflating every single day .
 
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