Road to freedom

cookiemonster

Active Member
Pretty soon I will have reached ten weeks without porn. Wow! Unbelievable.

And then after that it won't be long until I will have reached 3 months, a quarter of a year. I can hardly believe it.

I'm not as pumped and as energetic as I was when I was looking forward to dates with that girl but I'm still doing pretty well.

I just MO'd but I'm pretty indifferent to it. I'm staying clear of porn and at this point it doesn't seem like I'm going to be orgasming from sex so I don't mind if every few weeks I masturbate. It's purely from sensation and no fantasizing. Maybe I can try and keep doing hard mode, particularly if I notice any chaser effect and cravings for porn. But at this stage it just feels good to have a bit of a release once in a while.

I think I've also kind of forgotten what it was like to have PIED where I was whacking a semi-limp dick even with porn. My dick responds well to touch alone, although it's not as wild as it was after that 5 week hard mode right at the beginning. And I imagine it should still just keep getting better and better.

So from here on I think it's just about continuing with no PMO ever and holding off on MO as long as possible but once every few weeks shouldn't be catastrophic.

It's crazy how I've broken the habit of watching porn but I can still feel how easy it would be to watch it "just because" and slip back into the addiction.

If I accomplish nothing else in a day other than succeeding in continuing to not watch porn, that's still a success to a large extent.

Let's keep going.
I've been here before.

Tomorrow will mark 10 weeks porn free.
10 weeks. We made it.

I'm going through a rough patch in terms of urges. I guess some chaser effect from MO + there were some nude scenes in a show I saw. I think it's the nude scenes mostly, I've managed to just avoid buying into triggers and I let my guard down a little by actually allowing myself to admire the women, bad idea I guess!

I need to slow everything down, have a good night's rest. Remind myself why I'm doing what I'm doing and be proud of all the good work I've put in and not spoil it!
Funnily enough here I am at the 10 week mark in my last reboot talking about a trigger on the TV. Today there was a similar nude trigger in a show.

I am also going through a rough patch in terms of more compulsive MO. I MO'd again this morning.

So here I am, nearing the 10 week mark which is when I relapsed last time.

I'm going to take this moment to reflect and steel my resolve.

Look at how far you've come. Think about the world that awaits you if you just keep clocking up the weeks porn-free. I don't want porn in my life ever. It gives me nothing and never has. It is a fleur du mal. It sucks you in but offers no happiness or satisfaction, just momentary physical pleasure.

My fellow rebooters, let's keep fighting the good fight. I enjoy coming here each day and seeing you all making progress and battling it out in the trenches next to me. We're going to win this thing.

My life is good. I'm getting fit again and running regularly and I have 6 months of growth and adventure ahead of me. A lot to fight for.

Goodnight for now.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
10 weeks no pmo.

I MO'd again this morning.

Somewhat of a really weird position where MO for me seems to be detached from porn because I'm still not feeling close to relapse (but I know I'm closer than I realise!)

Having said that the more I MO, the more I can feel cracks form in the barricade in my mind I've made against porn. I've been so successful at banishing porn from my mind that when any semblance of fantasy enters my mind in MO my mind kills it, but they've been getting harder to banish. The fact that things are trying to break through the more I MO tells me I need to tone it back.

I am way closer to relapse than I think. I've learned this from last time.

But I can feel a lot of progress has been made.

I really need to cut this MO shit out. Doing it every day is too much.

I lost my streak soon after 10 weeks last time. Let's not let that happen this time.

The goal is to never watch porn again. I don't do that anymore. That's not who I am anymore. I have too much to fight for, so many good times ahead.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
I MO'd again today and fantasy is starting to creep back into my mind.

Going to take it one day at a day time.

Taking a moment now to remind myself that I don't watch porn anymore. That's not who I am anymore. I don't do that anymore.

I can, I will, I am the cookiemonster. At least that's my pseudo hahhaha.

Great to see everyone's journal making progress. I hope to soon be here updating on how I have everything under control and my porn free life is going to infinity and beyond.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
You got this man. Just remember, do not think in black in white. Just because you keep MOing, does not mean you've "looked" at porn or "will look" at porn. It's not even close to looking at porn. Our brains have a wonderful way of tricking us in moments like these to see our reality in only black and white.

There are many shades of gray here, with porn being dark rick black, so don't be deceived and carry on brother.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Oh my oh my.

I saw a triggering picture on social media and have come very close to relapse just now.

I didn't search for anything, I didn't take any actions, but all of my mental barriers collapsed and I was one moment, one random action away from losing the streak.

Instead of doing something I would regret, I'm coming here and making this post.

My mind is playing tricks on me as we all know it does. Fuck porn. Fuck porn in all senses of the word. The triggering photos on social media are included in that.

I don't do that anymore. It's not who I am anymore. I am going to win the battle this evening.

I know you guys want to see me succeed just like I want to see all of you succeed. We're going to make it out of this one battle at a time.

It's in the key moments like these when we get to choose our future.

COME ON. FUCKKKKKK.
 

ADFECTATIO

Member
Good job in avoiding the relapse! You got this man!
Say to yourself: "Yeahh!!! I am so happy I don't have to do PMO ever again!"

You are not missing out on anything! - You only win! P. has no fucking value to you or anyone else!
You got this!

Another thing: You didn't use the dirty P. for over 10 weeks - dude - you ARE in fact a NON-USER - celebrate it! Everytime you get an urge be so happy about not having to do this shit - you made it! Try to erase all doubt about that :)
 

ladysudan

Active Member
Oh my oh my.

I saw a triggering picture on social media and have come very close to relapse just now.

I didn't search for anything, I didn't take any actions, but all of my mental barriers collapsed and I was one moment, one random action away from losing the streak.

Instead of doing something I would regret, I'm coming here and making this post.

My mind is playing tricks on me as we all know it does. Fuck porn. Fuck porn in all senses of the word. The triggering photos on social media are included in that.

I don't do that anymore. It's not who I am anymore. I am going to win the battle this evening.

I know you guys want to see me succeed just like I want to see all of you succeed. We're going to make it out of this one battle at a time.

It's in the key moments like these when we get to choose our future.

COME ON. FUCKKKKKK.
Don't let anyone or anything stop you from winning. Life was so simple without porn and I know we all can get that life back. I know you can do it too. Best wishes to you @cookiemonster
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Thanks for the support gang.

I hate to be here saying this but I used porn twice today.

Streak is over.

I'm going to follow in fellow rebooter @Ezel 's footsteps and get straight back on the horse.

Just as we fight to be porn free each day I think after a relapse we can fight to not binge and fight to minimise any lost ground.

My mind has healed a lot. My erections have come back in full force quickly in both reboots. This year I've been over 20 weeks porn free and we're only in June. A lot of good things and I prefer life without porn.

Using porn didn't even feel good. I can feel it has less of a grip on me than it used to.

Just because the streak is lost doesn't mean all the progress is lost. This in no way diminishes the importance of never using porn again to me, it is just a reminder which is helpful for getting straight back on track. Otherwise it would be too easy to let it all slip.

Sorry I let you guys down but most importantly sorry I let myself down.

I don't watch porn anymore. That's not who I am anymore. This is my identity and I'm growing into the person I want to be every day I win the battle.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Sorry to hear about your relapse Cookie, but just so you know, you didn't let us down.

You're right, you've had 20 weeks this year without porn which is fucking awesome and quite the accomplishment.

Cheers to you. Just get back up and keep moving.

The battle is not against porn, but against the man who thinks he needs it.
 

ADFECTATIO

Member
Oh damn! You were going so good!
Did it all start with the triggering image you saw on social media a few days ago or where do you see the cause of your relapse?

"Using porn didn't even feel good." => Try to remember this the next time you get triggerd!

Wish you all the best! Get back on the horse and keep going! I think you are already better than P. - you dont need it anymore. Just let it go :)

(I was actually shouting out loud, when I read you relapsed - damn!)
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Hey guys,

I went completely off the rails.

Getting back under control now and will post intermittently as I get more wins under my belt.

Thanks for checking in, it helps.

Fuck porn. I don't want it in my life ever and we're going to keep making that a reality.
 

ADFECTATIO

Member
Cookie? How are you doing? You got this - I know, when you are down in the rabbit hole it feels so hard to stop and get your life on track again.
But you know damn well, that you don't want to and you also can not life the rest of your life zoning out and PMOing all the time - so eventually you have to get back on the horse again.
With every PMO session you do right now, it gets harder to get out.
It`s like with cold water - just jump - quick pain! Get out of your PMO cycle. You deserve way better than this!

Things that help me: Shut down the PC, get up, clean the room, go for a walk, take a shower (wasch away all the bad feelings) - put fresh sheets on your bed - and then start with something small, that will make you stronger - you got things to do - and they won't get done, if you PMO.

It's your life and its ending one minute at the time ;)

Would be nice to hear, how you are doing :)
 

tay97

Active Member
Man, it's depressing to see/read the struggle of a man from day to day. I hope you are doing ok again. This means that we have to be on our guard 24/7. No excuses.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Thanks for the support guys.

Coming up on one week PMO free tomorrow (I think). I'm busy travelling and having a good time. Haven't thought about porn at all.

While I relapsed, I didn't lose the progress and didn't lose the habit, just a moderate setback that I don't want to let happen but doesn't kill me.
 
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