.

[TheDude69]

.

 

[joepanic]

Congrats on 27 days. I know I have been there in the past. I have had 90 plus days but "stress" usually brings me back to it. And that seems to be the real issue. One thing I don't do anymore is head for the partners section and I'm sort of surprised you do. Do you feel porn affects your wife on some level? As you don't suffer from ED of any sort and there was no so called D-day or any marital problems listed. I am in the same position. My wife knew I surfed porn and couldn't have cared less. She knows I am giving it up for my own reasons.

Good luck in continuing on

Post often it helps me it helps you

 

[Phineas 808]

I like your journal title and intro, discobolus! The 'no fan-fair' reboot, right? Doing it first for oneself is ideal, anyway. Looking out for your mental and physical health will definitely spread to benefitting your wife and marriage anyway.

Kudos also on not necessarily telling the wife. My opinion (and I know others' experience/opinions differ), it's a situation we as men worked ourselves into and will have to work ourselves out of. I think often (not always) it's an undue burden some men put on their wives just to relieve their own guilt. They feel better, lighter for finally telling, but the wife- and quite possibly the marriage- is devastated.

Women are incredible creatures, they have strengths that we men will never understand- but, in my opinion, this is primarily a men's battle (though many women struggle with porn, too), and most women simply aren't equipped to handle our struggles- and nor should they have to.

 

[Phineas 808]

Thanks for the comment and the support. In regards to confession to the wife I really wish I hadn’t done a big one a few weeks into our marriage. I had seen prostitutes off and on for a couple of years before I met my wife. The last time was the day before our first date. It never happened again after that.

A few weeks after our wedding there was a situation arose that she had to tell me about something she had done previously that she was very ashamed of. I felt I now had an opening to tell her about my guilt and shame. In retrospect I shouldn’t have done it.

Things are actually going really well in our marriage but we had an extremely rough start.

You and I have similar stories, looks like. Back in '94 I had an obsession with prostitutes, cruising around, picking them up, but not actually going through with anything- other than a few interactions. Anyway, early on in my marriage I confessed this to my wife- so as to relieve my guilt- and it almost ruined my 1 year marriage at the time!

Again in 2003 my wife questioned how she beat me home (we were in separate cars), as I thought I was so slick I could make a quick pit-stop at a porno book store, and get one off- which I did. But, she made it home first, and I ended up confessing where I had been, a big mistake! Our young child was only 6 months old, and I almost ruined our marriage and young family at the time...

I've since learned to keep my struggles very private. I say, "I'd rather live the truth even if I have to tell a lie."- meaning that, I may be struggling in secret, but at least I'm overcoming it, doing something about it- no longer living a double-life.

Congrats on day 32!

 

[Phineas 808]

You win... (joking..., thank God our marriages have survived, in spite of us!)

 

[Phineas 808]

Amen! Likewise, and given one's pro-life stance, abortion is one of those hyper-politicized topics that people unfairly and unduly judge each other by- on either side of the debate.

Only God can unscramble an egg! Grateful for the places He's taken us from, and where He's taking us to.

 

[Phineas 808]

I saw that, too. It is very hopeful on one hand, but very scary on the other, given the divisiveness of the topic, and the fragile state our nation is in currently (U.S.).

 

[Phineas 808]

...but I feel like a lot of what is discussed here is anecdotal pseudoscience. Especially from the younger posters there seems to be a lot of penis based anxiety.

I don't suffer from either PIED or flatlines, outside of the normal oscillations of one's sex-drive. I feel that you may be right regarding the pseudoscience, though frying one's dopamine receptors I think is behind the PIED and even the flatlines, until those receptors begin to heal (hence the reboot).

Be well.

 

[GrateClips]

inspiring to read where you are. new member here so hopefully i can be close to where you are in due time. i think you have a great approach - you're not rushing things not pushing sex etc.

i put this in my journal but i have a problem where i felt i had to have a release almost like a clock or machine because otherwise it would screw me up. how silly that sounds writing this but that's how my brain's wiring just crossed itself up so bad.

i think the biggest thing cutting out all the temptations of porn (and by extension other women) is that you really start to value your own partner.

also, it sounds like to me you are ready to come off Viagra.

 

[Deleted member 28870]

Thanks for reading. I want to get in quite a bit better shape and then start tapering off the viagra. I’m currently at 70 days no ED and I don’t want to go back to that, ever.

I'm 33 and wonder if I need it and that scares the shit outta me.
I'm single and wondering what is wrong with me there.

 

[guitar1968]

Enjoying your journal. You should be thrilled you have a partner who wants sex as often as she does! My wife and I no longer have sex. I did start getting ED a few years back and with my anxiety about it and her unwillingness to have me use viagra things just slipped away. There is a lot of other history with our sexual issues that go much further back, but I'm really stuck with zero sexual release. It's always my excuse to jump back into porn. I suppose ending the marriage is probably the best thing for both of us, but that would be a huge upheaval in our lives and our daughter's life right now.

Anyway, sounds like you are getting things really under control and that is really just great. Good luck.

 

[GrateClips]

56 days no PMO

Right now I’m kind of coasting. I don’t have any real big temptations. I’m also not masturbating and my only sexual release is with my wife.

I’ve been intentionally backing off on the initiations and I think it’s working good but I’m starting to worry my wife might be getting the wrong message. A couple of nights ago I wasn’t feeling that well and when my wife was laying in bed I said “good night, I’m going to take a bath”. I think she was expecting to have sex and took it as a rejection. Then yesterday she texted me “can we please have sex tonight”. I said of course we can. I get home late from work and she’s sick (there’s a stomach virus making it’s way through our household) and it wasn’t happening. She said something to the effect of “it’s been forever since we’ve had sex and I’m getting worried”. Well it had been 4 days, so I guess these are good problems to have. Between the TRT and the not masturbating I feel like I’m about to explode at night and have trouble falling asleep. Tonight will be 5 nights and I hope no one feels sick tonight. I guess it’s good practice because we are going to be apart quite a bit next month including an 8 day stretch.

i know how you feel. i was/am going to post something along the lines in my journal. Like you and everybody else here my confidence has taken a hit with ED. I was normally always the one trying to initiate sex w/ my wife but the last few weeks I've been scared to.

This may or may not be something you agree with but all we can control is our ability to stay on the path of no PMO. And with that the results will come. But we also shouldn't be afraid to initiate sex either if we are feeling up for it. I also think that can lead to a negative feedback loop which starts to create a new form of self doubt. If the results don't happen that session they will again.

I know when I've had my flaccid results my wife and i have talked about just not pushing it for that day. then we try again in a day or two. This was before I realized I had to go no PMO.

 

[GrateClips]

64 days no PMO and I feel like I’m going strong. I’m a bit perturbed with my wife right now. She takes forever to read or answer my texts and it’s rare that she answers my phone calls. If we are together though she will stop mid sentence to answer a text message. I’ve brought it up before and there may be some slight improvement but not much. I called her about something this morning (she was driving to her second work location which is 45 minutes away) and it went straight to voicemail. Then I try again 10 minutes later and she answers but acts perturbed. Then I thought she hanged up on me but it looks like the call failed. Then I’m going to pick up the boys from day care and get a text from my MIL saying she picked them up which is fine because it gives me more time to get the pool ready for a party tomorrow. She says my wife said it was OK for her to pick them up but she never told me that.

haha i can be that way myself - not good about answering phones. but i love my wife though i just have the not so good habit of phone etiquette. i am trying personally to just let some things be and focus on more just hte important battles.

Have you ever tried just not communicating unless its absolutely important? maybe she just genuinely doesn't like dealing with phones even if its from you. i was thinking that might just take some of the stress away

 

[PrometheusUnbound]

Congratulations on your breaking through the 90 day wall!

 

[Percival]

So I’ll be in a hotel room by myself. That is the exact circumstances of my relapse 10 years ago after a year and a half of sobriety.

When I've had success against problems like that it has come through active planning, which is what you're doing. Relapses happen when our responsible self doesn't plan for what to do when bored/horny self is in control. Good job and good luck!

 

[Simon2]

Life has tested you and you've stayed strong. Keep it up!

I find that becoming resentful of my wife is a normal part of the recovery. I go from wanting her like mad, to feeling barely any attraction, to being mad at her, to finding some balance eventually... I think maybe we project our own state of mind onto our partners? As much as possible open and honest communication with our partners, I am sure, is very good. Even just to let give them a heads up when we're not in a great place.