I need to up my game.

OrangeSpider

Active Member
Im with you, exactly at day 2, and feeling tired, ashamed and not very much hope. But there is still that small flickering fire that says we can do this, we must do this. Dont give up.
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
I also get those mind calls for fantasies by day 5-7 and that’s when I should not start edging to chat room fantasies and filthy chats . Because if I hold myself there and go on to hold myself that’s only when my brain and mind will start reshaping
 

tl23

Member
Day 2

I feel exactly like shit.
Hey, this is not easy. If it was, you wouldn’t be here. Give yourself grace as you recover.

Have you done any thinking about things that trigger you? Is it when you’re feeling a certain way? Is it after indulging in anything like alcohol/other substances? Is it a time of day? These are just examples. But, I found that giving thought to them helped me better replace habits or be aware of my triggers.

For me, that occasional drink at the end of a long day was one way I’d find myself slip.

I also would turn to PMO when I felt lonely or needing attention or a quick pleasure.

Maybe if you journal about what happens before you get the urge you can get to the core of what brings you there.

I hope this helps. If not, just know we’re all here to support you. You are FAR from alone.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I also get those mind calls for fantasies by day 5-7 and that’s when I should not start edging to chat room fantasies and filthy chats . Because if I hold myself there and go on to hold myself that’s only when my brain and mind will start reshaping
Yes, it's around 7-8 days for me when I start getting the promise of pleasure. It usually goes like this: I start feeling urges, they tell me a great P session should follow and after that you can start counting, it's a matter of hours, maximum a couple of days.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Hey, this is not easy. If it was, you wouldn’t be here. Give yourself grace as you recover.

Have you done any thinking about things that trigger you? Is it when you’re feeling a certain way? Is it after indulging in anything like alcohol/other substances? Is it a time of day? These are just examples. But, I found that giving thought to them helped me better replace habits or be aware of my triggers.

For me, that occasional drink at the end of a long day was one way I’d find myself slip.

I also would turn to PMO when I felt lonely or needing attention or a quick pleasure.

Maybe if you journal about what happens before you get the urge you can get to the core of what brings you there.

I hope this helps. If not, just know we’re all here to support you. You are FAR from alone.
Thanks for advice. I know exactly what you're saying.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 3

I don't think I don't know how to quit P but I'm not sure I actually have what it takes to make it happen. I don't know how I should call it: Determination, motivation, mindset etc. The thing is, I'm starting to doubt I actually have that thing that should lead me to quitting P. I'm stuck in this cycle. After years, my streaks are exactly the same. I'm not making much progress. I don't even remember when I've exceeded half a month. It's usually relapse under 10 days. What depresses me the most is this delusion that I'm living, thinking no this time it's gon be different. Did I tell you the definition of insanity? It's official: I'm crazy.
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
Day 3

I don't think I don't know how to quit P but I'm not sure I actually have what it takes to make it happen. I don't know how I should call it: Determination, motivation, mindset etc. The thing is, I'm starting to doubt I actually have that thing that should lead me to quitting P. I'm stuck in this cycle. After years, my streaks are exactly the same. I'm not making much progress. I don't even remember when I've exceeded half a month. It's usually relapse under 10 days. What depresses me the most is this delusion that I'm living, thinking no this time it's gon be different. Did I tell you the definition of insanity? It's official: I'm crazy.
I feel what you’re saying Escape .
I am somehow inclined still to believe We can transform ourselves to sober human beings .
I think we all have it in us for sure . But the mind throws so many things on us and tricks us into doubting our true motives and resolve we try to gather .

I am thoroughly convinced it’s a mind game and not anything else and mind is merciful on few and brutal on others .
Let us keep Trying and our mind might eventually and gradually transform .

Anything is possible for humans once they can control their minds . So sobriety should also be literally possible .
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I feel what you’re saying Escape .
I am somehow inclined still to believe We can transform ourselves to sober human beings .
I think we all have it in us for sure . But the mind throws so many things on us and tricks us into doubting our true motives and resolve we try to gather .

I am thoroughly convinced it’s a mind game and not anything else and mind is merciful on few and brutal on others .
Let us keep Trying and our mind might eventually and gradually transform .

Anything is possible for humans once they can control their minds . So sobriety should also be literally possible .
Yes, indeed, we all have the potential to quit this but potential alone is not enough. I don't understand what I'm missing. Maybe it's right in front of me and I don't see it. It usually goes like this for me: Binge, a few days of lethargy which sucks but I don't really have urges so I can abstain, then urges that promise a great porn session and then the thoughts: "Get the pleasure now! It's gon be amazing!" And for those 10-15 minutes of intense high, I'm willing to throw my life away. In the heat of the moment I don't care about the big picture, I don't even see it. Then after 10-15 minutes of intense euphoria, it starts to fade away and I catch myself saying: "What the fuck are you doing?" I start getting depressed for starting that, I tell myself I can still save it, I can stop here but the chaser effect tortures me and I end up going on a PMO binge. And repeat. How the fuck did I get myself into this? How empty pleasure has become more important for me than my life? I was excited about finding the "keep dopamine low" thing, which is an ultimate solution, I believe everybody should have this in their arsenal, it's not placebo, it's not snake oil, but I've realized that there is something else that drags me back, I don't know what the fuck it is.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Yes, indeed, we all have the potential to quit this but potential alone is not enough. I don't understand what I'm missing. Maybe it's right in front of me and I don't see it. It usually goes like this for me: Binge, a few days of lethargy which sucks but I don't really have urges so I can abstain, then urges that promise a great porn session and then the thoughts: "Get the pleasure now! It's gon be amazing!" And for those 10-15 minutes of intense high, I'm willing to throw my life away. In the heat of the moment I don't care about the big picture, I don't even see it. Then after 10-15 minutes of intense euphoria, it starts to fade away and I catch myself saying: "What the fuck are you doing?" I start getting depressed for starting that, I tell myself I can still save it, I can stop here but the chaser effect tortures me and I end up going on a PMO binge. And repeat. How the fuck did I get myself into this? How empty pleasure has become more important for me than my life? I was excited about finding the "keep dopamine low" thing, which is an ultimate solution, I believe everybody should have this in their arsenal, it's not placebo, it's not snake oil, but I've realized that there is something else that drags me back, I don't know what the fuck it is.
Maybe it's bigger than this and what I need is a complete restart of my life, I don't know...
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
Yes this is how I am thinking lately - not enough to just stop looking at porn and fix that "one part of me"
Everything is connected so I need to work on the whole at the same time as this one part
I wish a factory reset was available for the mind and then we all would jump on it and sign up for it . Unfortunately the only option we all have is
This -

To abstain over a long period of time and help our mind loose its obsession gradually over P thought patterns

we could use tools available to help our minds stay calm and focused and happy:
I believe mind and it’s thought patterns are driven by

1. Our Past
2. Our environment
3. Our influencers
4. Our beliefs and perceptions

1. past - cannot change it so forget it
2. Environment- we can set it up to support sober life
3. Influencers - we can listen to them/read their books/talk to them to help us stay motivated and inspired
4. Beliefs and perceptions- this we can change by deliberations such as thinking “yes it is possible” , “I won’t die if I don’t see P” , “this is coming but it will pass” and not thinking like “shit the ultimate pleasure of life is knocking again, I have no choice but to embrace it with my whole heart ” etc

What do you all think ?
Am I missing something ? write your thoughts Thanks
GeminiMan
 
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