Day 362
Thanks
@downhillfromhere, I really appreciate it.
It's funny, I get to a year, and all I want to do is get to another milestone... I still feel I have much further to go to be completely healed from this bullshit. I've always said two years is my goal point to mostly call myself "healed", but who knows, maybe when I get there, I'll be saying three. The biggest thing that I find difficult is knowing what is "normal" in my life and what is not. I'm feeling down today - and the last few days in general - is this because of my recovery, or am I just experiencing real life and some things I've been thinking about recently? Honestly speaking, after only one year out from ground zero, how the hell could I presume to know what NORMAL is? I'm sure I'm closer to it than I was at 3 months, but do I really know? Can I honestly say with absolute certainty? I seriously doubt it.
It's like living in Plato's analogy of the cave, or in modern parlance, The Matrix, where what we think is "real" is so far from the truth, that we're practically living in a complete and utter dream state. For all I know, I'm just warming my hands by the fire to catch my breath, before I make my final ascent to the top.
Fuck all of this shit boys and girls. I WILL get to the top, even if I have to lose everything in the process.
Trust me, don't be tempted by "beautiful" shadows of vases, horses and birds, for they are nothing but illusions and smoke and mirrors, the nasty beautiful truth lies beyond, far beyond our wildest dreams.
Have a good porn-free weekend everyone.