The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

harpoon

Respected Member
I know now why it's one day at a time ๐Ÿ˜”

Remember the board game Snakes & Ladders?? Hmmm well I'm dodging snakes atm

I had a few realisations about porn today. Not good. What roads have i taken ๐Ÿ˜”

But i noticed a woman at a coffee van, just nice looking and friendly and i thought that this is how you're suppose to think and feel.

Porn, yeah it warps your mind, it might even rot it. It's a bitter pill to swallow that we go back for more.

Anyway I must run now to offset this craving.
 

harpoon

Respected Member
50 days without porn....this is insanity ๐Ÿ˜† but today was a good day and I have to acknowledge that.

I have to keep busy during the day. I generally pick two from running, walking, swimming and mountainbiking.

My saviour is a slow paced evening run tho :) I love doing all four.

I'm starting to read again too, even if it's just a chapter every evening.
 

harpoon

Respected Member
@Beautiful1973 ๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ‘

Today was for the most part another good day. The withdrawals from porn seem to have faded away and it's more about managing urges now. I slept great last night (first time I ages) and generally I have morning wood, in fact i'm disappointed now if I don't ๐Ÿคฃ (I never had this while using porn and tbh it helps keep me going)

There is still depression but I manage it best I can rather than use porn to mask it.

Anyway I'll continue my journey ๐Ÿคฉ
 

harpoon

Respected Member
I'll be honest the worst part about this flatline. The days when I don't get morning wood seem to be the most difficult. Paradoxically the days when there's no word theres more urges.

Another thing I the days seem to need into one....you can do anything, run 10k, swim in the freezing cold water, a nice calm cycle, but in the end you'll lie on your bed at night.
 

harpoon

Respected Member
*triggeres* ....and imagine everything in the world would be awesome if you were bouncing off an arse...or at least looking at it on a screen ๐Ÿ˜” didn't Russell Brand say "if Kim Kardashians ass is the solution, what is the problem?" ๐Ÿคฃ

I do find it funny that all the pain I'm feeling could be taken away by a video. Where do you go with that ๐Ÿ˜”
 

harpoon

Respected Member
Today was another good day ๐Ÿ™‚

I've learned to fill my time with things that I like to do and I'll get the things done that need to be done...but I'll always finish my day with something I like to do.

I've realised with porn flashbacks and stuff that I must redirect my brain rather dwell on those images in my mind. It does work.

I went for a stroll today (down town in a little town in Ireland!) It's funny, but I knew my mojo was present, I felt great, and even manage to make a few woman smile ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

I havent been this sober since i was 16. I can't remember the last time I had a beer and I haven't watched porn or masturbated in 53 days!!

My number 1 priority now is to see 90 days thru and I do believe that will happen. The biggest difference I have found is that I don't look at anything now....I won't check that TV show to see my fav presenter, i won't mooch on tiktok or fb and I don't engage with those flashbacks.

What do I expect, or what do i want? What I want and this has changed from the start ofvthis journey...I want to be happy and feel complete and fix me...everything else will follow.
 

Jlied

Active Member
Amazing, I love this post. It reminds me of a captive animal that is released back into the wild.
I've realised with porn flashbacks and stuff that I must redirect my brain rather dwell on those images in my mind. It does work
This is key, it takes work, but just l like a muscle the brain can be strengthened with exercise. Keep up the kick ass work man.
 

GBS

Respected Member
Just want to say well done, very impressive. 53 days hard mode is a serious streak. You put yourself through a lot by doing that. It is NOT to be underestimated what strength that required. Iโ€™m not good at emojis but try theseโ€ฆ.๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿฅณ
 

Jlied

Active Member
Just want to say well done, very impressive. 53 days hard mode is a serious streak. You put yourself through a lot by doing that. It is NOT to be underestimated what strength that required. Iโ€™m not good at emojis but try theseโ€ฆ.๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿฅณ
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This is Geebs celebrating for you!
 

harpoon

Respected Member
I had a chat with my sister today and i asked her about my mood swings. I mentioned Bipolar disorder, well cyclothymia. Now my mood does swing to euphoria and then to depression so I think there I something there. I noticed this because off porn nothing has changed really, my mood is still my mood, and I'm just wondering have I been medicating a mood disorder with porn? I've also had bulimia. And addiction, and an eating disorder are signs of this.

I'm just trying to understand me. Without porn I seem to have opened a box.
 

harpoon

Respected Member
"Suddenly we have to face ourselves..." ๐Ÿ˜”

It's all getting a little much for me tbh. I mean, my Dad passing away, being fucked up on porn, broken relationships, leaving my job, mental illness ๐Ÿ˜” i'm tired of fighting.
 

Beautiful1973

Active Member
Itโ€™s OK Paul, you will be OK, you will get through it, just keep pushingโ€ฆโ€ฆ think of your achievements so far, you must be at 55 days now, thatโ€™s big, celebrate that.
 

Beautiful1973

Active Member
I understand I feel a bit the same way at the moment๐Ÿ˜ฌ
I know you have been doing lots of physical activities, but have you tried meditation or mindfulness?
 
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