A Long time due battle that I need to stop ignoring

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 4/15

Hi guys.

I´m doing fine. These days I´m sick, which means i have a good opportunitie to chill at my house, do some tasks I wanted to and resting from work.

Yesterday I was chilling on my phone and I was watching youtube the whole afternoon and evening.... that´s exactly what I want to change. I donñt feel proud of that, especially because I know I should change my habits with social media and I´ve been saying that for a long time.

I´m thinking a lot these days about how scary can be that I have been trying to quit porn for so many years, and how times just passes by while a lot of bad things I want to change in my life remain the same. I had this thought also from reading in forums stories of people stuggling for years to quit.

Very negative, I know. But it made me think that everything will remain the same unless I change something, that thing just won´t change by themselves, and that I need to be active in bringing a positive change to my life. Also that this change won´t be automatic, or easy, or confortable, and that I will experience pain while making it. But the reward will be great, I don´t want to stick in the same unhealthy habits forever, I don´t want to see how my life is drained by P or social media. I need to take myself more seriously and make the changes I wanna see in my life, because nothing else will do them for me.

For now I unnistalled instagram from my phone, and I will only watch youtube on my laptop.
I think the only social media I will keep is wathsapp and messenger, because they are usefull to use with my friends.

Also, I will try to engage more in other activities:
-Climbing (min twice a week!)
-reading (on my spare time, when I would go to youtube)
-social life/friends.
eating more healthy (simply stop buying junk food for now, I already eat quite healthy appart from that)

That´s it for now, I will keep things simple, I don´t want to overload myself. In the future I will try to start a new musical project, but I don´t think i have time for that now.

Also, these weeks I will focus on working and studying for my english proficency test. I have it in trhee weeks, and I will study 2hs a day, excep for sundays, that I will use to rest from studying. I think this will help me to have some structure in my life, which I´be been lacking.

And as I said before, If I see myself enganging in binging behaviours with food or social media, or If I feel I´m stressed and tired and feeling uneasy, I will stop what I´m doinf and breath for a min. I will also rest if I need to, and call my girlfirend/family/friends, if I need to.

And that´s my plan to have more positive things in my life! I think is simple enough, i will make an effort to commit with it.


Regarthing sexual thought and fantaises, sometimes I still have them, but I´m able to look at them as Addiction thoughts, and let them go. I´m not engagging with fantasies so much now that I think about it, which is super positive.

That´s it for now, I´m willing to go trhough the struggle and make those good changes happen!!

Cheers
 

the_mountain_goat

Active Member
I´m thinking a lot these days about how scary can be that I have been trying to quit porn for so many years, and how times just passes by while a lot of bad things I want to change in my life remain the same.

It's true it can be scary and discouraging, that's why I started using the squares counting techniques, makes me realise it's not a linear process!

Agree that now that Instagram is out of my phone, I spend a lot less time there! But of course you can't remove something from your life without cultivating something else that will fill that gap, so what are these other things that you might do instead that will make you happy? Good that you're thinking of climbing, cooking, reading! One good way of locking these new habits even more is by tagging friends to them, perhaps make a commitment to go climbing with X, have a nice healthy dinner with Y etc.

Keep it up!!!
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Day 4/15

Hi guys.

I´m doing fine. These days I´m sick, which means i have a good opportunitie to chill at my house, do some tasks I wanted to and resting from work.

Yesterday I was chilling on my phone and I was watching youtube the whole afternoon and evening.... that´s exactly what I want to change. I donñt feel proud of that, especially because I know I should change my habits with social media and I´ve been saying that for a long time.

I´m thinking a lot these days about how scary can be that I have been trying to quit porn for so many years, and how times just passes by while a lot of bad things I want to change in my life remain the same. I had this thought also from reading in forums stories of people stuggling for years to quit.

Very negative, I know. But it made me think that everything will remain the same unless I change something, that thing just won´t change by themselves, and that I need to be active in bringing a positive change to my life. Also that this change won´t be automatic, or easy, or confortable, and that I will experience pain while making it. But the reward will be great, I don´t want to stick in the same unhealthy habits forever, I don´t want to see how my life is drained by P or social media. I need to take myself more seriously and make the changes I wanna see in my life, because nothing else will do them for me.

For now I unnistalled instagram from my phone, and I will only watch youtube on my laptop.
I think the only social media I will keep is wathsapp and messenger, because they are usefull to use with my friends.

Also, I will try to engage more in other activities:
-Climbing (min twice a week!)
-reading (on my spare time, when I would go to youtube)
-social life/friends.
eating more healthy (simply stop buying junk food for now, I already eat quite healthy appart from that)

That´s it for now, I will keep things simple, I don´t want to overload myself. In the future I will try to start a new musical project, but I don´t think i have time for that now.

Also, these weeks I will focus on working and studying for my english proficency test. I have it in trhee weeks, and I will study 2hs a day, excep for sundays, that I will use to rest from studying. I think this will help me to have some structure in my life, which I´be been lacking.

And as I said before, If I see myself enganging in binging behaviours with food or social media, or If I feel I´m stressed and tired and feeling uneasy, I will stop what I´m doinf and breath for a min. I will also rest if I need to, and call my girlfirend/family/friends, if I need to.

And that´s my plan to have more positive things in my life! I think is simple enough, i will make an effort to commit with it.


Regarthing sexual thought and fantaises, sometimes I still have them, but I´m able to look at them as Addiction thoughts, and let them go. I´m not engagging with fantasies so much now that I think about it, which is super positive.

That´s it for now, I´m willing to go trhough the struggle and make those good changes happen!!

Cheers
Good luck with the exam. Your English seems ready for the challenge. Hope you feel better too, and less time on social media is always a good call.
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hey, good to know you feel better and staying positive on making progress. Maybe you'll make a break from social media (at least on the phone), if they affect you or trigger you and put you into depression mode. They always seem important and instant (kinda like PMO urges), but they usually not.

Thanks!

You are absolutely right. Now I'm planning to take a two week break from social media (instagram and youtube) on the phone, minimum. Let's see how I feel then

Cheers!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
I relate to this so strongly, and it's something I've been seeing more clearly about porn lately too. It's really 99% not for sexual release (otherwise we'd just get it done and move on), it's about the constant stream of novelty and dopamine that watching porn lets us access. So the same applies for food and social media, as you say.

With that said I think it's ok to want thrills sometimes too, or excitement -- natural kinds. Maybe some of your healthy activities could also be exciting too? Not just calming or grounding (although of course those are great things to have!). Just a thought.
Indeed, I'm trying to engage with healthy stuff that is rewarding and exciting! Like climbing, for example.

But the thrill I get from P and substitudes is very different, is more like a compulsion to keep going, even if I'm not enjoying.

I think those two are very different and differentiated, and I'm aiming to cit the second one and full my life with the first one.

Cheers!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
It's true it can be scary and discouraging, that's why I started using the squares counting techniques, makes me realise it's not a linear process!

Agree that now that Instagram is out of my phone, I spend a lot less time there! But of course you can't remove something from your life without cultivating something else that will fill that gap, so what are these other things that you might do instead that will make you happy? Good that you're thinking of climbing, cooking, reading! One good way of locking these new habits even more is by tagging friends to them, perhaps make a commitment to go climbing with X, have a nice healthy dinner with Y etc.

Keep it up!!!
Thanks for your words!

I keep track on my calendar, there I can see the days that have passed by without PMO.

You are right, I'm focusing now on the things I can add to my life, nor only the things I can take off it.

Thanks for the tip, I will keep it in mind
Cheers!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 5/15

Today was a good day.

I kept busy. Study in the morning, repaired my bike, cooked a little and went to work.

No urges or sexual thoughts for the moment.

I'm focusing on changing a couple of habit for now:
-no youtube nor insta on my phone
-no screens after 23hs
-No mobile phone before breakfast

For the moment is going well. Polishing those habits. I also would like to work on some habits to improve my eating, which is problematic sometimes, but one step at a time.

I also wanted to write a bit about the positive things going on:
with my girl things are going well and is lovely! Also my work is going well, I'm doing fine and I feel more a sense of direction in my life now that I have made the future university options narrower. I feel that things are going generally fine, even if I still feel like crap from time to time.


Cheers, see you next time!
 

TypeN

Active Member
Glad to hear things are well man. It's great that you're continually evaluating your habits and changing them at the pace that you can. I think that like you say, "one step at a time" is key, to avoid being overwhelmed -- you've got a lot going on in your life right now.
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Glad to hear things are well man. It's great that you're continually evaluating your habits and changing them at the pace that you can. I think that like you say, "one step at a time" is key, to avoid being overwhelmed -- you've got a lot going on in your life right now.
Thanks @TypeN , I really appreciate it ❤️
 

achilles heel

Well-Known Member
I can relate to some of the details of the rabbit hole you went through, especially the webcam sexting being more addictive than porn itself and it is shocking to see how young you got exposed to this. The more impressive is your progress despite the relapses you suffered - but first of all you spent most of the days of the last two months porn free which is a huge win in your life. And second you mostly relapsed to fantasies, not going back to that downward spiral of more and more extreme stuff. Your brain is healing and replacing your old habits by healthier ones is a long process, reading requires training and concentration and during first weeks it might be hard to concentrate, but you will be able to read more and more pages without getting distracted and on a long term it will be more beneficial than social media by far. Keep up the good work!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 7/15

Hey, one week!

These two days have been pretty tough, as I had anxiety and insomnia both of them.
The day before yesterday I overate and I couldn´t fall sleep. I started to feel quite agitiated, and started browsing youtube on my laptop. I felt uneasy doind that (Like if I was binging dopamine), so I stepped back and took a couple of breaths. I had sexual thought and urges, but I could let them go. Pretty proud of that, I feel I can manage this things more easealy and look at the urges and sexual feelings as addiction-driven, not as something I really want.

After not sleeping a lot I had a pretty active day. During the night I was making a call with my girlfriend, and all my stress came out. i had anxiety and I couldn´t sleep for a while. I was exhausted all trhough the day today, but now I´m happy I can rest.

The talk with my girlfriend made me realize that I´m always stressed (about money, my work, and my future), and made me take action to take care of myself. For now I made an appoiment with my former therapist. I also talked with my boss and I will do less hours in the future, which will give me more time to spend in a more fulfilling way. I feel a bit better now.

Also, I´m committing to my habits. The not buying junk food for this weeks is actually making a huge difference. I can already feel this forces me to make more conscius choices with my diet options, which reflects in a improved mood. It also has a HUGE effect the no youtube in my phone habit. it makes me a lot more focus on the things I´m doing, and it feels very rearding already.
This has also made me realize how much I was using food and social media to deal with my negative emotions. Now that I´m givin those coping mechanisms go, I get confronted by this emotions, and I need to think about a more positive solution, which is good. for now I´m trying to express them better and in a healthy way with my beloved ones and to take more care of myself.

That´s all for now,
see you the next time
 

Trisquel

Active Member
I can relate to some of the details of the rabbit hole you went through, especially the webcam sexting being more addictive than porn itself and it is shocking to see how young you got exposed to this. The more impressive is your progress despite the relapses you suffered - but first of all you spent most of the days of the last two months porn free which is a huge win in your life. And second you mostly relapsed to fantasies, not going back to that downward spiral of more and more extreme stuff. Your brain is healing and replacing your old habits by healthier ones is a long process, reading requires training and concentration and during first weeks it might be hard to concentrate, but you will be able to read more and more pages without getting distracted and on a long term it will be more beneficial than social media by far. Keep up the good work!
Thanks a lot for your words, @achilles heel , they are very helpful and recomforting.

Cheers!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 10/15

Just checking in!
I'm very tired after a long day of work, but I'm feeling fine!

I had some urges these days due to beeing tired and moody.
For the same reason I ate maybe too much and I bought some cookies, to deal with my negative emotions. It broke my commitment of not buying junk food for a couple of weeks. I didn't do so well with the habits I'm trying to build, tbh.

But I'm still counting it as progress, nevertheless, since I'm doing a lot better, compared to only last week! I'm making a good of good decisions as well, end beeing more thoughtful in general with the way I deal with my emotions. One step at a time! Will do better in the future.

Cheers!
 

the_mountain_goat

Active Member
Well done, as you said, one thing at the time. Sometimes it’s OK to allow to release the pressure on one end (some junk food) to keep it on the other (no PMO). Not to overdo it of course…
 

TypeN

Active Member
Good work staying clean man. You're right, this still counts as progress! It's a process and you're aware of where you will improve in the future. (y)
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 1/14

Hi guys.

I'm very sorry to tell you that I had a relapse a couple of days ago.
It was to fantasies, and it was due to staying until late watching YouTube (on my laptop) when beeing tired.

Beeing honest, I'm feeling quite positive about this relapse since I feel I'm still making progress in my journey, and that this is not setting me back.

I just confirmed that social media is a problem and thst I actually feel better when I'm not on it.
For now I'm committing to this habit:
-no YT or insta on my phone.
-no phone before breakfast
-no phone after 23hs.

And regarding food:
-not buying junk food for this week.

I think this simple rules are working so far, so that's good.

Also, I was thinking that I want to focus more on rewiring, rather than imposing restricting rules on myself.
I have been doing that for the last 5 years and it jus doesn't work. And I feel so much better when I focus on getting good healthy and rewarding stuff in my life!!


For now I'm just taking more time to let my body rest, instead of pushing me so much. I'm taking care of my sleep, and I keep going to the climbing gym, which I enjoy a lot.

I asked my boss to work less hours on the future, since I feel my work is draining me.

I'm making moves toward a better social life and a new musical project in the near future.

And I'm also trying to substituted social media with other stuff, like reading, or practicing my instrument.

Tbh not everything is going super good ( I procrastinated a lot on YouTube today, for example, and I could eat better, and I'm barely reading/practising), but I feel I'm advancing in the direction I want to, and making progress little by little. I feel better than a couple of months ago. I eat better than a couple of weeks ago.

I still feel disappointed af at me for the relapse, but I
feel like I felt in the right direction, haha.

Staying positive, I'm looking forward to post here the good things happening in my life in the following weeks.

Cheers!
 

TypeN

Active Member
Solid attitude man, I've taken some inspiration from you in how I look at my own recent lapse. You're right, progress has been made, and just as positive as that, is that you continue to be proactive about new strategies.

Looking forward to hearing how things have gone since then, next time you check in.
 
Top