No porn anymore

Day 18
No problems today. Had sex with my wife. I had to masturbate in the end to cum. Maybe I shouldn't do that, but it's hard to just end it. The feeling was much more great than in the past because of no porn.
 
Day 20
Today I had more free time than usual and I was playing at my computer and suddenly that urge to watch some porn kicked in, like I was bored and needed it. I could push that away but I realized that when I'm bored, that's my biggest problem.
Despite of that everything is fine.
I noticed after 4 days since the last sex my brain begins to fantasize.
 
Day 21
Most time of the day I had no problems. I notice now that I have more desire for sex but my thoughts automatically go to masturbation. I lost my power to tell my wife I want sex and wait until she is making the first step. To fap and push away the urge seems to be easier. Never noticed that before.
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Recognizing your triggers (and triggering patterns) is vital. Try daily non-goal-oriented affection with your wife. Even a minute or two. Smiles, friendly touch, non-foreplay affection. That might help her "get the idea.":love:
 
Day 27
Today I was the very first time! that I had sex with my wife and came in under 30 seconds. It was very unreal. So it seems my body responds to this and is reacting normal. I don't know if I should be happy because this is way to quick for me. But I think I can handle this.
Best thing to start with no porn and no fap!!
 
Day 29
Nearly one month. Feels like several months for me.
This week I have some time alone in the evening and these were the weeks with excessive watching. Today was ok because I was late at home. But currently I have no problems the whole day. I got the feeling I'm cured for the moment, but the year just began and there will be the warmer seasons so I'm curious how it will develop. Of course I have some fantasies about how it would be to just watch one time, just to see how it is. Maybe it's like alcohol abuse and one shot brings you back into the old habits. So I just leave it as it is.
I make much progress in doing sport at home. I have much more power to do it and also the time, that I spent otherwise in the past and was kind of empty and dull afterwards.
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
At your point in recovery, usually the missing piece is socializing. Can you find some activity that connects you with people?
 
Day 34
Right on track. Last ejaculation was 7 days ago. Today I wanted to test if everything works down there and started a little bit. I can confirm that it works and it's so much more sensitive.
I had to stop very early because I was afraid to spoil it.
 
Day 36
Still porn free. Today I tried to masturbate, without porn, and it was very good. I hope I don't get the urge to do it more often now.
Porn and everything about it doesn't play a role right now. I see my libido coming back focusing on the real life. I try to maintain a healthy balance, and I don't want to come back to daily fapping.
 
I failed at day 39...and don't know why I'm so dumb.
Still didn't watched porn but did cam2cam with guys for fapping 2 times, which falls into the same category for me.
I'm very disappointed but now I start at day 0 :(
I have no plan right now how to avoid that in future. Horrifying.
 

logicprox

Well-Known Member
39 days is an awesome run. While none of us ever want to use again, it’s important to remember that a single slip doesn’t undo your progress. If you get right back up and keep going you aren’t starting from 0.

Certainly not the expert on this since I am still working on permanently leaving this nonsense behind, but your statement about not having a plan struck me because I think the most important thing that’s helped me move to a new stage in my redo very is exactly that. Making a plan. Figure out what happened that led to that. What you were doing or weren’t doing in the moments before, and the day and days leading up to it. How you were feeling leading up to it. What thoughts have been on your mind lately.

The more we can identify what is triggering the slips the more we can change everything around it to not do it again.
 
39 days is an awesome run. While none of us ever want to use again, it’s important to remember that a single slip doesn’t undo your progress. If you get right back up and keep going you aren’t starting from 0.

Certainly not the expert on this since I am still working on permanently leaving this nonsense behind, but your statement about not having a plan struck me because I think the most important thing that’s helped me move to a new stage in my redo very is exactly that. Making a plan. Figure out what happened that led to that. What you were doing or weren’t doing in the moments before, and the day and days leading up to it. How you were feeling leading up to it. What thoughts have been on your mind lately.

The more we can identify what is triggering the slips the more we can change everything around it to not do it again.
Thank you for your thoughts.
Maybe you are right and I don't start from day 0.
I try to figure it out what was leading to this.
Since October before quitting porn I started a healthy diet, did some sports every day. So I was getting in good shape and after surviving the flatline my sex drive started again. I like to show myself and was proud of getting into shape. Then there were about 5 days after sex with my wife and there was no action down there. I wanted to test if everything works and masturbated once. Maybe this was the beginning, I think it's called the chaser effect. Maybe this lead to where I am now. Cam2cam was connecting sort of porn with showing off.
For this time I have to kill that chase effect.
During the days where I failed, I was home alone in the morning with plenty of times and this was an opportunity. I need will power to get through this.
 

logicprox

Well-Known Member
My experience (and scientific research that I have been reading a lot about lately) suggests willpower is not an effective long term strategy for change as willpower has been shown to be a limited psychological resource. It will always run out eventually.

Research shows that long lasting change is much more successful when effective strategies are adopted. I have had far more success with far less day to day struggle since I started focusing there.

I would recommend reading Atomic Habits or How to Change. Those books really have helped me a ton.
 
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