Moving forward!
- Thread starter TypeN
- Start date
the_mountain_goat
Active Member
Man, that makes so much sense. Thanks for sharing the thought that came to you after listening to that podcast. Resonates with me a lot. That's to me the nicest thing about a true rewiring process, it's really about finding myself, what works for me, what life should be for me... A conscious process of leaving something unpleasant behind to identify new, cool and fulfilling ways of being!
And... hope the cookies were good!!
And... hope the cookies were good!!
← Today, 02/12(Key:
= no PMO; = no P; = substitutes; = relapse)Doin' ok today. I got stressed out with some family stuff after a couple calls this morning, and it was triggering me towards thinking sexual thoughts, but I calmed myself out of that space. Mostly by meditating (which, btw; if you guys don't use Headspace, I recommend it!). Anyway I'm going to the gym now for a long run.
I am now thinking to try my hand again at no-MO. I feel like I have some tools/mindset this time that I didn't last time, and maybe that can make the difference for me. If not, I will go the scheduled/limited route I have talked about. We shall see. But I'll plan to keep going for the next few days and then evaluate.
Thanks mate. We got this.
You're right, for sure. Just need to give myself some time and patience to put that together.
Glad it resonated with you man, and you're exactly right! It made a lot of sense to me too when I heard her. It's funny because I've heard these ideas before in various ways, but they "clicked" better hearing them her way. Maybe since she's a neuroscientist and was putting it in that context.
Ingredients for the cookies come tomorrow, and I'll make them either tomorrow or Tuesday!
Hey man,
I´m sorry to hear about your relapse, but is good to see that you are developing some structure in your life, that will certanly help you!.
Also you made a really good point, we need to find a good way of living, not just quitting P. Sounds like you have some good ideas for it!
Baking is fun! Let us know how the cookies go.
Cheers, and best wishes
I´m sorry to hear about your relapse, but is good to see that you are developing some structure in your life, that will certanly help you!.
Also you made a really good point, we need to find a good way of living, not just quitting P. Sounds like you have some good ideas for it!
Baking is fun! Let us know how the cookies go.
Cheers, and best wishes
the_mountain_goat
Active Member
I want to use meditation more, thanks for being an inspiration in that regard! I use a French equivalent of Headspace, but perhaps will try Headspace (I actually find it easier to connect with English than French for these things...).
Whichever path you chose (no PMO, or healthy MO from time to time), try to be gentle with yourself and keep in mind those "other things" you're cultivating on the side, they're your strongest ally here
Whichever path you chose (no PMO, or healthy MO from time to time), try to be gentle with yourself and keep in mind those "other things" you're cultivating on the side, they're your strongest ally here
Thanks guys.
← Today, 02/14
(Key: = no PMO; = no P; = substitutes; = relapse)
Between baking and cleaning, I spent about 8 hours working on cookies yesterday, haha -- like 6 pm to 2 am? I made 3 different kinds. At first I was tired and a little bit annoyed with the whole process. Each recipe, being a particular kind of traditional cookie, was somewhat involved and had a lot of steps. But as time went on, I really got into a groove. I entered into a kind of flow state (a cookie flow state
) of switching between each recipe, doing one task after another. And I felt more and more pleased doing it, especially as I got to start seeing my results.
It was interesting to me, to just get totally immersed in this task, a creative one, and for hours of time and work to slip by like nothing. I think it underlines for me that the act of creation is something important to my happiness. I’ve felt this kind of all-encompassing flow before when making paintings and working out, but this is probably the first time I’ve ever felt it preparing food — which I usually think of as a chore, even if I like the end-product.
Today I am feeling a little low, but mostly because of physiological triggers, I think (mainly exhaustion). I have not been overwhelmed by rumination, but I feel irritable and somewhat depressed. Which is kind of strange, because my thinking today isn't super negative. I just feel off.
Perhaps it's time to rest tomorrow. Including today, I've worked out 5 out of the past 7 days (4 days lifting, and a 6 mile run) and then I did that big marathon of work/leisure yesterday. I'll plan to go easy on myself, while maintaining the healthy little routine I've committed to (I slacked on it a bit yesterday).
← Today, 02/14(Key:
= no PMO; = no P; = substitutes; = relapse)Between baking and cleaning, I spent about 8 hours working on cookies yesterday, haha -- like 6 pm to 2 am? I made 3 different kinds. At first I was tired and a little bit annoyed with the whole process. Each recipe, being a particular kind of traditional cookie, was somewhat involved and had a lot of steps. But as time went on, I really got into a groove. I entered into a kind of flow state (a cookie flow state
) of switching between each recipe, doing one task after another. And I felt more and more pleased doing it, especially as I got to start seeing my results.It was interesting to me, to just get totally immersed in this task, a creative one, and for hours of time and work to slip by like nothing. I think it underlines for me that the act of creation is something important to my happiness. I’ve felt this kind of all-encompassing flow before when making paintings and working out, but this is probably the first time I’ve ever felt it preparing food — which I usually think of as a chore, even if I like the end-product.
Today I am feeling a little low, but mostly because of physiological triggers, I think (mainly exhaustion). I have not been overwhelmed by rumination, but I feel irritable and somewhat depressed. Which is kind of strange, because my thinking today isn't super negative. I just feel off.
Perhaps it's time to rest tomorrow. Including today, I've worked out 5 out of the past 7 days (4 days lifting, and a 6 mile run) and then I did that big marathon of work/leisure yesterday. I'll plan to go easy on myself, while maintaining the healthy little routine I've committed to (I slacked on it a bit yesterday).
Wish I could sample your output! Hope your day of rest pays off.Thanks guys.
(Key:
Between baking and cleaning, I spent about 8 hours working on cookies yesterday, haha -- like 6 pm to 2 am? I made 3 different kinds. At first I was tired and a little bit annoyed with the whole process. Each recipe, being a particular kind of traditional cookie, was somewhat involved and had a lot of steps. But as time went on, I really got into a groove. I entered into a kind of flow state (a cookie flow state
It was interesting to me, to just get totally immersed in this task, a creative one, and for hours of time and work to slip by like nothing. I think it underlines for me that the act of creation is something important to my happiness. I’ve felt this kind of all-encompassing flow before when making paintings and working out, but this is probably the first time I’ve ever felt it preparing food — which I usually think of as a chore, even if I like the end-product.
Today I am feeling a little low, but mostly because of physiological triggers, I think (mainly exhaustion). I have not been overwhelmed by rumination, but I feel irritable and somewhat depressed. Which is kind of strange, because my thinking today isn't super negative. I just feel off.
Perhaps it's time to rest tomorrow. Including today, I've worked out 5 out of the past 7 days (4 days lifting, and a 6 mile run) and then I did that big marathon of work/leisure yesterday. I'll plan to go easy on myself, while maintaining the healthy little routine I've committed to (I slacked on it a bit yesterday).
Baking is great! Haha, I love to do it too. I'm glad to hear you are exploring your creativity in other ways and realizing gow it contributes to your wellbeing.Thanks guys.
(Key:
Between baking and cleaning, I spent about 8 hours working on cookies yesterday, haha -- like 6 pm to 2 am? I made 3 different kinds. At first I was tired and a little bit annoyed with the whole process. Each recipe, being a particular kind of traditional cookie, was somewhat involved and had a lot of steps. But as time went on, I really got into a groove. I entered into a kind of flow state (a cookie flow state
It was interesting to me, to just get totally immersed in this task, a creative one, and for hours of time and work to slip by like nothing. I think it underlines for me that the act of creation is something important to my happiness. I’ve felt this kind of all-encompassing flow before when making paintings and working out, but this is probably the first time I’ve ever felt it preparing food — which I usually think of as a chore, even if I like the end-product.
Today I am feeling a little low, but mostly because of physiological triggers, I think (mainly exhaustion). I have not been overwhelmed by rumination, but I feel irritable and somewhat depressed. Which is kind of strange, because my thinking today isn't super negative. I just feel off.
Perhaps it's time to rest tomorrow. Including today, I've worked out 5 out of the past 7 days (4 days lifting, and a 6 mile run) and then I did that big marathon of work/leisure yesterday. I'll plan to go easy on myself, while maintaining the healthy little routine I've committed to (I slacked on it a bit yesterday).
Yes, it sounds like you need to rest! Take it easy, you have been working hard and you deserve it. Resting days are super importat in training as well.
Cheers!
the_mountain_goat
Active Member
Yes, accept the REST! Not always easy but quite worth it. Accept a foggy, unmotivated brain too. We must realize that this is a natural condition and we can't always be motivated about everything, right? Of course, being out of PMO helps us be more motivated, finding more meaning and joy in life, but sometimes, our brain's just tired/ in need of 'standby' time. Hope you'll get the motivation back soon, still.
Thank you friends. I took yesterday off from exercise and while I feel mostly recovered now, I think I'll take today for rest as well. I'm seeing some old friends this afternoon (including that artist friend I mentioned), and bringing my cookies to share with them.
Yesterday and the day before I experienced a lot of intrusive/tempted thoughts about P and MO, and flirted with the idea of relapse. But I spent a lot of time journalling, trying to deconstruct those urges to keep my head right. It's no coincidence that those urges started in on me on the two most exhausted days I've had so far. More on that tomorrow perhaps.
Incidentally, this is the longest I've gone without MO, that I can remember. I had streaks of no porn of up to several months in college ... but they never included no MO. It may well be that I haven't gone this long without MO since I was a kid.
← Today, 02/16
(Key: = no PMO; = no P; = substitutes; = relapse)
Yesterday and the day before I experienced a lot of intrusive/tempted thoughts about P and MO, and flirted with the idea of relapse. But I spent a lot of time journalling, trying to deconstruct those urges to keep my head right. It's no coincidence that those urges started in on me on the two most exhausted days I've had so far. More on that tomorrow perhaps.
Incidentally, this is the longest I've gone without MO, that I can remember. I had streaks of no porn of up to several months in college ... but they never included no MO. It may well be that I haven't gone this long without MO since I was a kid.
← Today, 02/16(Key:
= no PMO; = no P; = substitutes; = relapse)Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
So cool about the cooking - and great reminder that getting lost in a task can be so positive!
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
Amazing job man! Looks like you posted while I was writing my post to you - kind of cool we are on the thread in real time at the same time! Really happy to hear your success with no MO and it motivates me to get back winning as well - keep up the good work!
the_mountain_goat
Active Member
Hey TypeN. Good that you’re powering through these ups and downs. Not always easy. And, congrats about the no MO!! Your friends are lucky (the cookies!!).
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
That is awesome! Positive snowball effect right there!
← Today, 02/18(Key:
= no PMO; = no P; = substitutes; = relapse)Time for my scheduled check in.
I should have checked in yesterday, honestly, because yesterday was the toughest day of this streak so far. What I didn’t mention Thursday is that I drank a good bit with those friends. I was also smoking and my friends were talking a lot about their sex lives. Which can be good fun, but probably not the best influence for me when I’m just starting to practice true moderation.
Additionally, my doctor mentioned that you’re not supposed to have more than a drink or 2 on Accutane, and I guess I didn’t take it seriously. So yesterday I had a really bad hangover. I felt exhausted and very moody all day at work, and was thinking sexual thoughts for most of it. And then I was browsing reddit, and ran across a comment that I knew would link to sexual imagery (though not outright porn). I did click it, and look at it, and although I didn’t relapse to it, I was contemplating a full-on relapse all day long as a result. Ultimately, I didn’t MO.
But those triggered feelings and thoughts followed me to this morning, and so today I finally decided to MO (without P, or fantasies). I want to be clear about how I got here — addictive behavior was definitely the primary contributor to the escalation of excitement that led to the decision. But, I believe there’s also a physiological component. Now that I have MO’d I feel like a physical pressure has been relieved. I would have preferred that happened in my sleep, but oh well.
That said I will now build this into my routine, once a week, on Saturdays. I think it’s important that I space this out by at least a week for a few reasons:
- Firstly, I can clearly go that long without it. I want to grow and recover as much as I can, and challenging myself with long periods of abstinence is important for that.
- Secondly, frequent MO is a slippery slope for me right now. If I let myself MO each day, I am too likely to use it in moments of frustration or moodiness in order to escape those emotions. I need to be working frequently on developing other responses to those emotions.
- And thirdly, about 7 days in is when I started to notice some level of physiological discomfort, so, I think this is a natural interval for relieving that.
The final step I'll take is to give up Reddit, except perhaps on my work PC during lunch (the work PC is monitored, so no risk of "peeking"). It is already blocked on my own PC, and I just blocked it on my phone, too. There are practical things I use it for sometimes, but … I’d be lying if I said they were important, and it keeps me in the unhealthy habit of doing mindless things on my devices when I’m bored. So now it's gone.
Well that's all. I'm off to have a productive day (lifting + meal prep).
AJ7
Active Member
Hey @TypeN nice work on not letting clicking on that link snowball into a relapse. Reddit has been my gateway to a bad day for awhile now. Is there a way you block it on your phone besides through screen time?
(Key:
Time for my scheduled check in.
I should have checked in yesterday, honestly, because yesterday was the toughest day of this streak so far. What I didn’t mention Thursday is that I drank a good bit with those friends. I was also smoking and my friends were talking a lot about their sex lives. Which can be good fun, but probably not the best influence for me when I’m just starting to practice true moderation.
Additionally, my doctor mentioned that you’re not supposed to have more than a drink or 2 on Accutane, and I guess I didn’t take it seriously. So yesterday I had a really bad hangover. I felt exhausted and very moody all day at work, and was thinking sexual thoughts for most of it. And then I was browsing reddit, and ran across a comment that I knew would link to sexual imagery (though not outright porn). I did click it, and look at it, and although I didn’t relapse to it, I was contemplating a full-on relapse all day long as a result. Ultimately, I didn’t MO.
But those triggered feelings and thoughts followed me to this morning, and so today I finally decided to MO (without P, or fantasies). I want to be clear about how I got here — addictive behavior was definitely the primary contributor to the escalation of excitement that led to the decision. But, I believe there’s also a physiological component. Now that I have MO’d I feel like a physical pressure has been relieved. I would have preferred that happened in my sleep, but oh well.
That said I will now build this into my routine, once a week, on Saturdays. I think it’s important that I space this out by at least a week for a few reasons:
- Firstly, I can clearly go that long without it. I want to grow and recover as much as I can, and challenging myself with long periods of abstinence is important for that.
- Secondly, frequent MO is a slippery slope for me right now. If I let myself MO each day, I am too likely to use it in moments of frustration or moodiness in order to escape those emotions. I need to be working frequently on developing other responses to those emotions.
- And thirdly, about 7 days in is when I started to notice some level of physiological discomfort, so, I think this is a natural interval for relieving that.
The final step I'll take is to give up Reddit, except perhaps on my work PC during lunch (the work PC is monitored, so no risk of "peeking"). It is already blocked on my own PC, and I just blocked it on my phone, too. There are practical things I use it for sometimes, but … I’d be lying if I said they were important, and it keeps me in the unhealthy habit of doing mindless things on my devices when I’m bored. So now it's gone.
Well that's all. I'm off to have a productive day (lifting + meal prep).
Thanks man, I can relate to that. Yes, I've mentioned it earlier in my thread, but the restrictions on my phone are quite significant (although there are always loopholes -- including some I'm aware of now but am not exploiting). To answer your question more specifically:
1. As you say, I use Screentime (to block adult content in general + a rather sizeable list of websites I know its own filter doesn't catch).
2. I use a web browser called "Purity." Purity also has its own built in filter, and additionally allows you to block and whitelist by keyword (for example if I block "reddit", reddit.com will be blocked, but also twitter.com/Reddit). It lets you put these parameters behind a passcode.
3. Finally I also disable Safari and new app downloads from the App Store using Screentime, so Purity is my only means to browse the web normally.
My Screentime pass is not available to me unless I'm willing to wait a few days, so that's how all that stays in place. I have a number of other onerous restrictions built in, but this should be enough to make a website like reddit completely unavailable (unless you actively self-sabotage yourself like I frequently used to, looking for loopholes).