Mystorie
Member
Hi guys, how are you?
I am going to tell you little bit about my story.
In first hand i am sorry for my grammar errors, English is not my first language.
I finished college this year and i am a male nurse.
So like many guys here, i am 21 years old good looking guy and i start watching internet porn when i was 10 years old, didn't think that would affect so much.
So fast forward i lost my virginity when i was 18 years old with a girl that i met in the nightclub, i was i little bit drunk. we did sex and i could not ejaculate, like we did sex maybe for an hour and nothing, i thought that is was normal because i was anxious and drunk. after that first time, it happen again and i was sober.
after that in the summer i did a research, i found out the nofap movement, i did achieve a strike of 120 days, and never felt so good. i did it for the "powers".
In the same year i start dating a girl, we did a lot of sex, like a lot. One time when could meet for a period of time, i started watching porn and masturbate again and watching more fucked up stuff like hard core and shemale . So i was watching porn and having sex, my libido was so high at the time. after 1 year of dating I broke up with her, because i just wasnt feeling nothing, and wanted to be with other people sexually. i slept with more 3 girls after the broke up and still i was watching porn. Some times i tried to do no fap just for the powers.
One day i started dating this beautifull gym girl, she was so hot, like perfect body. i remember the first time we kissed and get intimate, i coulnd get a erection, so i did oral to her and stoped thing there. i was so traumatized that i didnt slept for a week, i was so anxious when i was around her. we eventually had sex but it was a weak erection, the anxiety persisted and i coulnd´t have a erection a lot of times and she always thaught it was beacause of her, like she was naked after a shower around me, and nothing 0 libido. Eventually i started avoiding her because of anxiety, and we broke up. I was so traumatized, i develop HOCD and started thinking i had a problem because i had covid in that same year, and did a lot of exam's and nothing, the doctor prescribed like a type of Viagra.
Lock down hit it and at the time i was doing internship on the hospital, so it was a hard time and to cope with that I emerge on porn.
So after that i start feeling anxious with every girl that i met, and dind´t engage for sexual intimacy for a good time. when i was 20 years old i meet i cute and we start dating. And every time we engaged sexual intimacy, i started to get an erection and the lost it because of anxiety. i told that i and anxiety and trauma and she understood, and because of that had some success erections. But after some months she started to be so jealous that i couldn´t be with my friends that she got mad.
I got so depressed and because of that, getting infected by COVID 3 times at that point, interspersing on hospital and having classes at the same time, I had a born out , and got a lot depressed and anxious. So at the time i didn't have no hope, i started to have suicidal thoughts. But I all ways knew that wasn't the way. So i gave up for 1 month on the internship, broke up with her and went to my parents home (i was living on college).
So after the broke up I passed the last year working out on my mental heath, and it help a lot. I finished college, started working out again (i have a great shape now), but i never stopped watching porn, and i know deep inside that this is the thing that fucked my life.
6 MONTHS AGO i deleted Instagram, it was the best decision that i made.
60 days ago i deleted all social media. 60 days i dont watch porn and masturbate and very aspects in my life is better, i am preparing for a half marathon. 2 weeks ago i ran 17km. i have a job, i read every day,meditate every day, i am taking a complex wound course, workout almost every day, , i am better connect spiritually, i am more connected to people and understood that i don´t need sex and ejaculation to be happy, so the finaly the process of desconneting my brain from the porn is happening.
i am not going to lie is being difficult, some times i have 0 libido, i don t get attracted to girls like i used to, and because that, HOCD hits me a lot, but i am controlling by meditating and reading success stories.
I Understand that this is a way of life, i really want in the future to get married and have a family.
Watching Gabe Deem videos helped me a lot, that i need to start posting on the forum. I have faith, that this is just a fase of my life.
I am going to post more times to train my English to!
I want to help other´s overcoming this horrible thing.
I am going to tell you little bit about my story.
In first hand i am sorry for my grammar errors, English is not my first language.
I finished college this year and i am a male nurse.
So like many guys here, i am 21 years old good looking guy and i start watching internet porn when i was 10 years old, didn't think that would affect so much.
So fast forward i lost my virginity when i was 18 years old with a girl that i met in the nightclub, i was i little bit drunk. we did sex and i could not ejaculate, like we did sex maybe for an hour and nothing, i thought that is was normal because i was anxious and drunk. after that first time, it happen again and i was sober.
after that in the summer i did a research, i found out the nofap movement, i did achieve a strike of 120 days, and never felt so good. i did it for the "powers".
In the same year i start dating a girl, we did a lot of sex, like a lot. One time when could meet for a period of time, i started watching porn and masturbate again and watching more fucked up stuff like hard core and shemale . So i was watching porn and having sex, my libido was so high at the time. after 1 year of dating I broke up with her, because i just wasnt feeling nothing, and wanted to be with other people sexually. i slept with more 3 girls after the broke up and still i was watching porn. Some times i tried to do no fap just for the powers.
One day i started dating this beautifull gym girl, she was so hot, like perfect body. i remember the first time we kissed and get intimate, i coulnd get a erection, so i did oral to her and stoped thing there. i was so traumatized that i didnt slept for a week, i was so anxious when i was around her. we eventually had sex but it was a weak erection, the anxiety persisted and i coulnd´t have a erection a lot of times and she always thaught it was beacause of her, like she was naked after a shower around me, and nothing 0 libido. Eventually i started avoiding her because of anxiety, and we broke up. I was so traumatized, i develop HOCD and started thinking i had a problem because i had covid in that same year, and did a lot of exam's and nothing, the doctor prescribed like a type of Viagra.
Lock down hit it and at the time i was doing internship on the hospital, so it was a hard time and to cope with that I emerge on porn.
So after that i start feeling anxious with every girl that i met, and dind´t engage for sexual intimacy for a good time. when i was 20 years old i meet i cute and we start dating. And every time we engaged sexual intimacy, i started to get an erection and the lost it because of anxiety. i told that i and anxiety and trauma and she understood, and because of that had some success erections. But after some months she started to be so jealous that i couldn´t be with my friends that she got mad.
I got so depressed and because of that, getting infected by COVID 3 times at that point, interspersing on hospital and having classes at the same time, I had a born out , and got a lot depressed and anxious. So at the time i didn't have no hope, i started to have suicidal thoughts. But I all ways knew that wasn't the way. So i gave up for 1 month on the internship, broke up with her and went to my parents home (i was living on college).
So after the broke up I passed the last year working out on my mental heath, and it help a lot. I finished college, started working out again (i have a great shape now), but i never stopped watching porn, and i know deep inside that this is the thing that fucked my life.
6 MONTHS AGO i deleted Instagram, it was the best decision that i made.
60 days ago i deleted all social media. 60 days i dont watch porn and masturbate and very aspects in my life is better, i am preparing for a half marathon. 2 weeks ago i ran 17km. i have a job, i read every day,meditate every day, i am taking a complex wound course, workout almost every day, , i am better connect spiritually, i am more connected to people and understood that i don´t need sex and ejaculation to be happy, so the finaly the process of desconneting my brain from the porn is happening.
i am not going to lie is being difficult, some times i have 0 libido, i don t get attracted to girls like i used to, and because that, HOCD hits me a lot, but i am controlling by meditating and reading success stories.
I Understand that this is a way of life, i really want in the future to get married and have a family.
Watching Gabe Deem videos helped me a lot, that i need to start posting on the forum. I have faith, that this is just a fase of my life.
I am going to post more times to train my English to!
I want to help other´s overcoming this horrible thing.