Road to freedom

cookiemonster

Active Member
Day 4 clean.

Reviewed journal notes last night and got insights about what went wrong before my relapse.

It comes down to social media use. The more I use it the more susceptible to triggers and relapse I become. Beat social media, and you're one step closer to beating this addiction.

Didn't get around to posting this morning so doing it this evening.

I can see how things can slip so easily. There's the observer in my brain watching me, only a few actions away from slip up. Got to stay the course, we'll come out the other end of the tunnel into the promised land.

Fuck porn. I'm here again today to reaffirm my commitment to removing it from my life. I don't watch porn anymore. That's not who I am anymore.

See you in the morning.

Got to sleep more too. Less sleep = more vulnerable.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Day 5 clean.

Had sexual dreams last night and woke up with some precum in my boxers.

Fuck porn. I'm committed to this. It has no place in my life. I don't watch porn anymore. That's not who I am anymore.

I'm someone who looks after their energy, health and relationships and I happily sacrifice porn for this better life.

See you tomorrow!
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Day 6 clean.

Just as hard and just as easy as ever. I don't know how to describe it, all I have to do is have a normal day and not watch porn - which is quite easy really - and yet somehow it's also so easy to slip up and find yourself doing something you shouldn't.

Back here this morning to reaffirm my commitment to never watching porn again. A week ago I journaled about all of my goals in life and the ways I can improve my life. Everything came back to one thing, beating porn addiction. My energy, my spirit, my productivity, my relationships, they'll all improve as I continually beat this thing.

If all goes well, in about a month or two I'll be feeling like a completely new person. Normal stimuli will start to feel good again, just everyday non-porn pleasure.

Fuck porn. It's very addictive but I'm working to remove it from my life forever. I don't watch porn anymore. That's not who I am anymore.

FUCK PORN!

See you tomorrow.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Day 7 clean.

Great gym session again this morning. It was worked well to check in here every morning, I'm going to keep it up for week 2. Every morning I'll log on and re-affirm my commitment.

Life is so much worse with porn in it.

Fuck porn. I don't watch it anymore. That's not something I do anymore. That's not who I am anymore.

Happy to be working towards putting it further and further behind me every day.

The key is to keep beating social media and stay off the phone in the morning and during my breaks throughout the day.

See you tomorrow!
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Day 8 clean.

Feeling very tired and unmotivated this morning. Today has the potential to be one of those days where everything flies off the handle. I'm not going to let that happen.

Here I am again, reaffirming my commitment to removing porn from my life permanently.

I don't ever want to look at it again or think about it. I don't do that anymore, that's not who I am anymore.

Today I'm going to take more regular breaks and, if I can, take a short nap in the afternoon to help me get through the fatigue I'm feeling.

I'm going to manage my self-talk today, be kind to myself and recognize that today is one of those days where you need to be your own best friend.

FUCK PORN! The most important thing in my life is getting that out of it. I journaled again last night, I had a really productive and successful week and most of that is down to having beaten porn addiction and curtailing phone use.

See you tomorrow!
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Day 10 clean.

Sexual dreams last night. Pretty stiff morning wood this morning. Gym session to start the day.

Life is good.

Fuck porn. I don't do that anymore, that's not who I am anymore. It's something I never want to do ever again.

Today is just about success in another day and then coming back tomorrow with an update.

See you tomorrow.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Day 11 clean.

Sexual dreams again last night and woke up with some precum in my boxers.

Today has the potential to be one of those days which gets away from me by snowballing downwards to where I don't want to go.

I won't let that happen. Here I am again, showing up committing to a porn-free day.

I don't watch that anymore, that's not something I do anymore because I'm just not that type of person anymore.

Today we will have to be careful to not spend much time on social media because that erodes willpower and has a million triggers. I also have to gently usher sexual thoughts out of my brain when they arrive.

We need to deprive the porn neural pathways of stimulation.

See you again tomorrow morning. Let's fucking go!!!!!!! FUCK PORNNNNNN!!! :)
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Day 12 clean.

Committing to another day porn free. Gym done this morning. Got sucked into social media this morning too though, I commit to not looking at social media much for the rest of the day.

Feeling a little tired today. Going to stop scheduling a ridiculous amount of tasks and set a more realistic amount for the day.

Anyway. Fuck porn as always. It brings you nothing and it takes from you everything.

I don't watch porn anymore. It's just not who I am anymore and certainly not the person I want to be in the future. It can be a struggle because the addicted mind can play tricks on you.

Let's starve those neural pathways.

The goal for today is another clean day.

See you tomorrow for another update.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Day 14 clean. 2 weeks clean.

It has been working to log on every day and update with how I'm going. It helps to hold me accountable. We will do it for another week.

Honestly life is good. And so much better without porn even just after 2 weeks. I've been having lunch with a girl from uni who is into me, meeting quite a few girls on campus doing social activities etc.

Porn has a poisonous effect on things. When I'm on a streak and interact with girls I feel confident and self-assured. It also feels like my sexual energy is more pure if that makes sense? Walking into social interactions where just an hour ago you were jerking off to some nasty shit doesn't make you feel good about yourself.

Every day we're only a few steps away from relapse, the stakes are high and remain high. We will continue to take it one day at a time.

I'm here to commit again to a porn-free day. I don't want porn in my life. I never want to look at it ever again. It doesn't fit with who I am anymore nor with the things I want to accomplish in life. I've outgrown it; I just have to help the addicted parts of my brain catch up.

We'll beat porn today and come back tomorrow with another update.

FUCK PORN!

See you tomorrow.
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hey man, love your attitude!

Fuck porn!, indeed!
I also like how you commit every day to it, making a conscious choice every day. Is a reminder to me (and to many other, I'm sure!) not to forget that I'm an addict and that I have to chose every day to fight against this crap.

Fuck porn!
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Hey man, love your attitude!

Fuck porn!, indeed!
I also like how you commit every day to it, making a conscious choice every day. Is a reminder to me (and to many other, I'm sure!) not to forget that I'm an addict and that I have to chose every day to fight against this crap.

Fuck porn!
Hey Trisquel,

It's helped me to set the intention every day. Sometimes I would relapse because I would start going through the motions before I'd actually reflected on what I was doing. By committing in the morning, I've already reflected, to relapse would be to fail to achieve what I already committed to.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Right now it's 11pm and I just spent the past hour watching stupid YouTube shorts. As I do this I get more and more "monkey brain" and feel like jerking off, as dumb as that might sound. Fuck porn. I'm not going to relapse because I got a little sucked into social media. I'm coming here as a circuit breaker, making this post, getting off my phone then reading a little until I get tired.

NO FUCKING WAY ARE WE LOOKING AT PORN AGAIN.

Feeling good now that I've broken away from social media and recommitted to gouging out porn from my life. The porn industry and social media industries can honestly go fuck themselves. Day by day I'm choking them out of my life. Sometimes you lose a small battle but we'll win the war, mark my words.

The goal is to get off my phone, not jerk off and not look at porn this evening. Then have a restful night's sleep! Also, to not give an inch when I wake up half asleep, those are fragile moments.

Small test here tonight of my resolve.

See you in the morning.
 

McNutty

Active Member
Right now it's 11pm and I just spent the past hour watching stupid YouTube shorts. As I do this I get more and more "monkey brain" and feel like jerking off, as dumb as that might sound. Fuck porn. I'm not going to relapse because I got a little sucked into social media. I'm coming here as a circuit breaker, making this post, getting off my phone then reading a little until I get tired.

NO FUCKING WAY ARE WE LOOKING AT PORN AGAIN.

Feeling good now that I've broken away from social media and recommitted to gouging out porn from my life. The porn industry and social media industries can honestly go fuck themselves. Day by day I'm choking them out of my life. Sometimes you lose a small battle but we'll win the war, mark my words.

The goal is to get off my phone, not jerk off and not look at porn this evening. Then have a restful night's sleep! Also, to not give an inch when I wake up half asleep, those are fragile moments.

Small test here tonight of my resolve.

See you in the morning.
You did the right thing by noticing you were getting sucked into this black hole, and made it out in time! Stay strong!!
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Day 15 clean.

After logging of last night I executed the plan to perfection. We kicked the porn and social media industries' asses. I've said it before and I'll say it again, they can go fuck themselves.

Every day the stakes are high. I'm here this morning to commit again to a porn-free day.

I'm going through a sensitive zone right now where I'm a little tired, I've been using social media too much and so it's easier to relapse. We're taking corrective action. I'm thinking of installing a parental block of social media on my phone and then handing my phone over to the people I live with after a certain hour in the evening.

The plan for today is to stay off social media and to have another porn-free day. One day at a time.

See you tomorrow for another update, keep me accountable.

FUCK PORN, LET'S GO!
 
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