I will make it -- Looking forward to taking my life back

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 323 -- Life feels pretty good. It's not perfect but I really got the feeling today of moving forward, holistically improving every aspect of myself. I know that there's ups and downs (maybe in a week I'll be complaining a bit!) but directionally the path is up and up. I think quitting porn has been a HUGE part of unlocking other improvements in my life. Let's see the big ones:

Friends -- When I first posted, one of the things I wasn't satisfied by was the dearth of friends in my geo. I've maintained some great friendships from folks living all over, but wanted to have way more friends to hang out with on a week to week basis. I am not exaggerating, but I realized earlier this month I have too many friends here! I don't have time for all of them anymore (esp with how often I travel), so now I'm dealing with the opposite where I need to really prioritize the friendships I care about the most. Kind of crazy to get to this place, thought it would take years if ever

Fitness -- I'm closing in on 160lb, I'd love to get under it by end of April (158-159lb). Have a vacation coming up towards end of next week so I'm accounting for that (otherwise would target this goal by mid-April). Had an awesome workout yesterday, was completely beat but that's how you know it was a good workout! The progress isn't crazy fast but I'm getting there, slowly but surely. Also slowly starting to notice how just random people are treating my better as I get leaner (it's messed up to think about, but I suppose one of those realities that we might as well get used to and work towards)

Personality -- I just feel far, far better and I'm like 200% funnier than I was before. Now I don't know how funny I am in the absolute sense, just in relation to what I used to be -- which was 'meh.' I'm really putting way more of myself into conversations and able to connect with more people on a greater level than ever before

Travel -- I'm all about trying new experiences way more than ever. Not just foods, meeting people, but seeing the world. I've always wanted to do it but I feel this unbridled curiosity that was kind of dampened before. I look forward to hitting more countries / towns this year and expanding my horizons

All said, things are pretty good. The healing from PMO is taking a bit longer than I thought frankly and I wish that was faster but it's going in the right direction (if extremely circuitous). All said, this was a nice progress post on my holistic well-being. The one I'm most excited for (other than my fitness goals) is of course getting to the point of being cured from PIED with regular girls. I know I'll get there but it might take some more time. Closing in on the 1yr mark on May 15th
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Looks like you're killing it @First_step_thousand_miles. Damn man so happy for you.
The healing from PMO is taking a bit longer than I thought frankly and I wish that was faster but it's going in the right direction (if extremely circuitous
Isn't this the truth. Yes I wish there was a button we could all just push to be healed from this shit, however, knowing myself if it was that easy, it be easier to keep on looking at porn, then push it again and again. Thus, here we are, embracing the pain and beauty of reality. Pushing a button and clicking a mouse for instant "success" brought us to this point, something different is exactly what we need!

I can't wait till you complete a full year! I'm happy things are looking on the bright side. (y) (y)
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Looks like you're killing it @First_step_thousand_miles. Damn man so happy for you.

Isn't this the truth. Yes I wish there was a button we could all just push to be healed from this shit, however, knowing myself if it was that easy, it be easier to keep on looking at porn, then push it again and again. Thus, here we are, embracing the pain and beauty of reality. Pushing a button and clicking a mouse for instant "success" brought us to this point, something different is exactly what we need!

I can't wait till you complete a full year! I'm happy things are looking on the bright side. (y) (y)
Very true, if only there was a button or a pill we all just took to make us perfect! The truth if anything in life worth getting is going to be hard to get. And if you've taken a step backwards (by abusing porn) then it's going to take effort to get back to the right place. But that's what this community is all about, not just curing PIED but becoming the best versions of ourselves through all this

Thank you so much my man, as much as I sometimes wish the progress was faster it feels incredible to have almost gotten to the 1yr mark -- this is a milestone that I wish everyone would reach but the reality is it's incredibly hard to do it. Took a lot of willpower but hey, all of us here understand that! Looking forward to joining you at the 1yr mark my brother
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 327 (no MO since Day 310)

Going on vacation this weekend and returning a week later. Looking forward to just unwinding away from everything. I guess I'm feeling trapped by my job (which I'm trying to leave, hope something good comes up soon) and the existential threat of ChatGPT - has anyone used it?

Mankind's ability to adapt to new tech is being dwarfed by tech's own evolution. High speed internet porn is just one example of this which we're all recovering from. Imagine this times 100 over the next 10-20yrs...scary thought. Just gotta talk it out with friends and figure out what's gotta be done from what's in our control. Porn was one of those things -- if we can tackle this, there's much more we are capable of. Anyway this was a completely disjointed ramble but I just vomited my thoughts out on the page haha
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
A friend used ChatGPT to find citations to books and papers on a particular subject. To his horror, Chat GPT made up ISBNs and citations, all of which sounded plausible. So it ultimately makes your work longer as you have to sort through made-up "references," hoping to find some that are accurate. When you tell it it is wrong, it simply agrees with you and essentially says "my bad." Appalling! Of course it can't be worse than Wikipedia's biases on some topics.

Another friend used it to find the outcome of some litigation he already knew the outcome of...and again ChatGPT made up entirely false answers. First he asked about one of the parties, and then about the other, and it seemed to make up whatever it "thought" he wanted to hear. That is, it gave the same (false, entirely inaccurate) account in both cases, but simply swapped the parties in the answers depending upon how he had asked the question.

This is all deeply disturbing. As a consequence, I don't trust ChatGPT at all for anything.
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
A friend used ChatGPT to find citations to books and papers on a particular subject. To his horror, Chat GPT made up ISBNs and citations, all of which sounded plausible. So it ultimately makes your work longer as you have to sort through made-up "references," hoping to find some that are accurate. When you tell it it is wrong, it simply agrees with you and essentially says "my bad." Appalling! Of course it can't be worse than Wikipedia's biases on some topics.

Another friend used it to find the outcome of some litigation he already knew the outcome of...and again ChatGPT made up entirely false answers. First he asked about one of the parties, and then about the other, and it seemed to make up whatever it "thought" he wanted to hear. That is, it gave the same (false, entirely inaccurate) account in both cases, but simply swapped the parties in the answers depending upon how he had asked the question.

This is all deeply disturbing. As a consequence, I don't trust ChatGPT at all for anything.
Fair enough Androg! Let's hope things stay that way for a while haha
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 331 -- No MO since Day 310. Porn urges definitely stronger when no MO'ing but even so I have a pretty solid handle on them. Wouldn't say the urges are much higher than a 4 out of 10. Even when stuff that used to trigger me heavily pops up (used to have heavy thudding of my heart though not anymore) it's much more muted. Not gone entirely, that'll take more time but I'm getting away from it. I look forward to the day that I'm truly, truly free of it all

I was reading recently about how an increasing number of men are not partnering up with females. The articles all pretty much cite that the reasons are that we can get those dopamine rushes without every leaving our house (video games + porn). And so a lot of men are just feeling 'satisfied' by that and not making much of an effort. Thing is though, it's a temporary satisfaction. Will these men look back when they're 50 or 60 and feel happy with where they're at? I'm not a betting man but I'd go all-in saying they're not. And women now have fewer options as well given so many men have quasi-removed themselves from the dating pool. It's just not great all around. I don't think modern-day feminism plays very well here either as it turns off men even more (why deal with all that when you have porn & video games -- which are both only increasing in quality and quantity?), though that's a whole other topic.

It is sometimes tempting to want to go back into that world where it's 'comfortable' -- i.e. a known quantity. Versus the hard work of quitting, and hoping & praying and BELIEVING that the world after porn is better than the one with it. It's not easy. In many ways I've experienced some of the great things that are coming after a life of porn but I can't say I've felt that 'rush' mentally after using porn from a genre / fetish that I used to have. It's a short-term rush of pleasure that really only gets replaced long-term with sex with a partner you care about (though important to find other activities you enjoy -- reading, exercise, sports, etc)

That said, I think I'll get there one day. If only because of how so many posters (@Blondie, Gabe Deem, etc) have all gone on to experience that world and talk at length about it. I know it exists, I just need to work on getting there. Also I know with porn, that road just doesn't lead anywhere. It's a wall that sometimes feels like it protects you but ultimately traps you inside. Playing this forward -- if I keep using porn for the next 10 years, what will life be like? Well I'll be a 37 year old single man (probably getting much fatter because why try) with no kids (I want kids, obviously not everyone does and that's cool) and probably very depressed at how life turned out -- nothing like I imagined with that boundless optimism when I was a boy or even a really young man. It's just not worth it.

That's why the only path is FORWARD. I cannot go back ever again. I've burned the boats and I'm damn glad that I did. It's an uncertain path but what right do I have to complain when I have such amazing folks like @Blondie and @SmokenMirrors and @Androg and @Ezel standing next to me pushing me forward? God has truly blessed me by giving me the tools to get out of this and these amazing brothers in arms who are going through this journey at the same time. We will make it
 
Last edited:

SmokenMirrors

Well-Known Member
Day 331 -- No MO since Day 310. Porn urges definitely stronger when no MO'ing but even so I have a pretty solid handle on them. Wouldn't say the urges are much higher than a 4 out of 10. Even when stuff that used to trigger me heavily pops up (heavy thudding of my heart) it's much more muted. Not gone entirely, that'll take more time but I'm getting away from it. I look forward to the day that I'm truly, truly free of it all

I was reading recently about how an increasing number of men are not partnering up with females. The articles all pretty much cite that the reasons are that we can get those dopamine rushes without every leaving our house (video games + porn). And so a lot of men are just feeling 'satisfied' by that and not making much of an effort. Thing is though, it's a temporary satisfaction. Will these men look back when they're 50 or 60 and feel happy with where they're at? I'm not a betting man but I'd go all-in saying they're not. And women now have fewer options as well given so many men have quasi-removed themselves from the dating pool. It's just not great all around. I don't think modern-day feminism plays very well here either as it turns off men even more (why deal with all that when you have porn & video games -- which are both only increasing in quality and quantity?), though that's a whole other topic.

It is sometimes tempting to want to go back into that world where it's 'comfortable' -- i.e. a known quantity. Versus the hard work of quitting, and hoping & praying and BELIEVING that the world after porn is better than the one with it. It's not easy. In many ways I've experienced some of the great things that are coming after a life of porn but I can't say I've felt that 'rush' mentally after using porn from a genre / fetish that I used to have. It's a short-term rush of pleasure that really only gets replaced long-term with sex with a partner you care about (though important to find other activities you enjoy -- reading, exercise, sports, etc)

That said, I think I'll get there one day. If only because of how so many posters (@Blondie, Gabe Deem, etc) have all gone on to experience that world and talk at length about it. I know it exists, I just need to work on getting there. Also I know with porn, that road just doesn't lead anywhere. It's a wall that sometimes feels like it protects you but ultimately traps you inside. Playing this forward -- if I keep using porn for the next 10 years, what will life be like? Well I'll be a 37 year old single man (probably getting much fatter because why try) with no kids (I want kids, obviously not everyone does and that's cool) and probably very depressed at how life turned out -- nothing like I imagined with that boundless optimism when I was a boy or even a really young man. It's just not worth it.

That's why the only path is FORWARD. I cannot go back ever again. I've burned the boats and I'm damn glad that I did. It's an uncertain path but what right do I have to complain when I have such amazing folks like @Blondie and @SmokenMirrors and @Androg and @Ezel standing next to me pushing me forward? God has truly blessed me by giving me the tools to get out of this and these amazing brothers in arms who are going through this journey at the same time. We will make it
I love this write up, king. VERY philosophical and enlightening!

I was reading recently about how an increasing number of men are not partnering up with females. The articles all pretty much cite that the reasons are that we can get those dopamine rushes without every leaving our house (video games + porn). And so a lot of men are just feeling 'satisfied' by that and not making much of an effort. Thing is though, it's a temporary satisfaction. Will these men look back when they're 50 or 60 and feel happy with where they're at? I'm not a betting man but I'd go all-in saying they're not. And women now have fewer options as well given so many men have quasi-removed themselves from the dating pool. It's just not great all around. I don't think modern-day feminism plays very well here either as it turns off men even more (why deal with all that when you have porn & video games -- which are both only increasing in quality and quantity?), though that's a whole other topic.
This is a very big problem with dating. It's all based on men vs women. Who will be the victor? Who can play the othert the most? Who can get the other person to catch feelings and disappear? There's a societal narrative that women don't need men, which twists the minds of everybody. A lot of women hate and distrust men simply for being men while a lot of men hate women for hating men as a result. It is all ignorance and both sides use their allies as echo chambers. A lot of these problems would be fixed by simply talking to each other in real life. Are men REALLY that bad? Are women REALLY that bad? Of course not. I've met good men and bad men. Good women and bad women. Social media has a lot to answer for!

It's a short-term rush of pleasure that really only gets replaced long-term with sex with a partner you care about (though important to find other activities you enjoy -- reading, exercise, sports, etc)
This.
That's why the only path is FORWARD. I cannot go back ever again. I've burned the boats and I'm damn glad that I did. It's an uncertain path but what right do I have to complain when I have such amazing folks like @Blondie and @SmokenMirrors and @Androg and @Ezel standing next to me pushing me forward? God has truly blessed me by giving me the tools to get out of this and these amazing brothers in arms who are going through this journey at the same time. We will make it
Love you homie. We got this. We've been in this game for so long that we're old school in reboot time!
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
I love this write up, king. VERY philosophical and enlightening!


This is a very big problem with dating. It's all based on men vs women. Who will be the victor? Who can play the othert the most? Who can get the other person to catch feelings and disappear? There's a societal narrative that women don't need men, which twists the minds of everybody. A lot of women hate and distrust men simply for being men while a lot of men hate women for hating men as a result. It is all ignorance and both sides use their allies as echo chambers. A lot of these problems would be fixed by simply talking to each other in real life. Are men REALLY that bad? Are women REALLY that bad? Of course not. I've met good men and bad men. Good women and bad women. Social media has a lot to answer for!


This.

Love you homie. We got this. We've been in this game for so long that we're old school in reboot time!
Great thoughts my man. The culture we have right now is getting so warped and individualistic that it really leads nowhere long-term but self-hatred and misery. We really need to break out of that system and live conscious lives, realizing how ridiculous most of this stuff is. We're moving forward man, slowly but surely!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey @First_step_thousand_miles, this is a great post.
day 331 -- No MO since Day 310. Porn urges definitely stronger when no MO'ing but even so I have a pretty solid handle on them. Wouldn't say the urges are much higher than a 4 out of 10. Even when stuff that used to trigger me heavily pops up (used to have heavy thudding of my heart though not anymore) it's much more muted. Not gone entirely, that'll take more time but I'm getting away from it. I look forward to the day that I'm truly, truly free of it all
The old thumping in the heart symptom, I hear you on this. This will get better, I can assure you of that.
I was reading recently about how an increasing number of men are not partnering up with females. The articles all pretty much cite that the reasons are that we can get those dopamine rushes without every leaving our house (video games + porn). And so a lot of men are just feeling 'satisfied' by that and not making much of an effort. Thing is though, it's a temporary satisfaction.
I've read articles on this phenomenon as well, it's a sorry sorry state of affairs. The only positive I can think of is that it gives guys who are getting their shit together a better chance out there in the dating market! :cool:
And women now have fewer options as well given so many men have quasi-removed themselves from the dating pool. It's just not great all around. I don't think modern-day feminism plays very well here either as it turns off men even more (why deal with all that when you have porn & video games -- which are both only increasing in quality and quantity?), though that's a whole other topic.
Yes the extreme feminism as well as the women hatred on the other side, just shuts down all conversation and makes the sexes incompatible and constantly fighting each other. Fortunately, many of us are getting pretty tired of this nonsense and want some balance between the extremes.
It is sometimes tempting to want to go back into that world where it's 'comfortable' -- i.e. a known quantity. Versus the hard work of quitting, and hoping & praying and BELIEVING that the world after porn is better than the one with it. It's not easy. In many ways I've experienced some of the great things that are coming after a life of porn but I can't say I've felt that 'rush' mentally after using porn from a genre / fetish that I used to have. It's a short-term rush of pleasure that really only gets replaced long-term with sex with a partner you care about (though important to find other activities you enjoy -- reading, exercise, sports, etc)
This is great and all too true. I think it's only recently where I can say that I can think about this fact and NOT feel sad or depressed about it. Although true I have found nothing in the natural world that "beats" porn in the highs that it gives, this fact does not make me sad anymore. I believe even past a year out I was still getting thoughts of sadness when pondering this reality. Which is both sad and fucking funny! :)

I'm still working on finding the highs of focusing on long term growth and goals.
Playing this forward -- if I keep using porn for the next 10 years, what will life be like? Well I'll be a 37 year old single man (probably getting much fatter because why try) with no kids (I want kids, obviously not everyone does and that's cool) and probably very depressed at how life turned out -- nothing like I imagined with that boundless optimism when I was a boy or even a really young man. It's just not worth it.
I think these are great exercises to put yourself through. And if not these, just reflect on your inevitable death. :cool: I've been doing this often these days when trying to make decisions for myself. I just imagine when I'm on my deathbed with only few days or hours left, what would I have regretted? This habit jolts you out of sentimentality and present "hard times" and cuts to the chase of the matter. Memento mori!

You're doing great!
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Hey @First_step_thousand_miles, this is a great post.

The old thumping in the heart symptom, I hear you on this. This will get better, I can assure you of that.
Actually guess my initial message was confusing but this symptom is actually gone! I don't get this at all anymore, I think the last time might've been January this year or November / December last year (I forget). Still have urges and stuff, but that heart thumping where all the blood is really rushing down and you feel woozy and prone to making bad decision...nada for me anymore! I don't know what I'd do if I still had it because that's what caused me to relapse the first time. Not fun stuff but as you say, that also passes
I've read articles on this phenomenon as well, it's a sorry sorry state of affairs. The only positive I can think of is that it gives guys who are getting their shit together a better chance out there in the dating market! :cool:
Very true, that's how we have to look at it I suppose. We on this forum have taken a step forward in recognizing the problem in ourselves and correcting it which is great
Yes the extreme feminism as well as the women hatred on the other side, just shuts down all conversation and makes the sexes incompatible and constantly fighting each other. Fortunately, many of us are getting pretty tired of this nonsense and want some balance between the extremes.

This is great and all too true. I think it's only recently where I can say that I can think about this fact and NOT feel sad or depressed about it. Although true I have found nothing in the natural world that "beats" porn in the highs that it gives, this fact does not make me sad anymore. I believe even past a year out I was still getting thoughts of sadness when pondering this reality. Which is both sad and fucking funny! :)

I'm still working on finding the highs of focusing on long term growth and goals.
Man it's so good to hear you say this. I guess I wasn't the only one thinking about that feeling and kind of missing it. It's basically your perfect fantasy that is infinitely customizable (different girl / genre / scene / etc). The only tradeoff is that it cripples you in the rest of your life. No thanks! I'm really, really glad to hear that you're not getting sad anymore from this though; I guess the longer we go with this journey the more legs / perspectives there are that makes it easier to stay away in the future. Which is what we want of course
I think these are great exercises to put yourself through. And if not these, just reflect on your inevitable death. :cool: I've been doing this often these days when trying to make decisions for myself. I just imagine when I'm on my deathbed with only few days or hours left, what would I have regretted? This habit jolts you out of sentimentality and present "hard times" and cuts to the chase of the matter. Memento mori!

You're doing great!
Thanks so much my man. Life is just too damn short. Almost every period in my life I look back to I realize I miss. When I was a child and life was so simple, never thought about anything for too long. When I was a high schooler and worked on grades but otherwise just enjoyed that amazing, awkward period of those teen years. When I was in college trying to navigate this world away from home. And even after graduating and working even when it was brutal -- the hard times just seem to melt away. But here's the thing, I look back as recently as 2yrs ago and am nostalgic / fond about that period. So I guess that means that despite all the hardships, life really has been good and can continue to be good if it was so recent.

The deathbed exercise is great man, I'm glad you're finding it helpful. Really helps minimize your regrets. Just like no one is lying there wishing they spent more time at the office, no one is lying there wishing they're used porn more. Viva la vida
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
The world is hungry for solid leaders who are centered and capable of putting the common good above their own impulses. Maybe some women's hostility is related to the fact that they currently can't rely on most men...because our screen habits are making some of us so weak and unreliable. That pushes them into an unnatural role in a sense. My sense is that when they can rely on us, they can chill and do a better job of nurturing without ranting.
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
The world is hungry for solid leaders who are centered and capable of putting the common good above their own impulses. Maybe some women's hostility is related to the fact that they currently can't rely on most men...because our screen habits are making some of us so weak and unreliable. That pushes them into an unnatural role in a sense. My sense is that when they can rely on us, they can chill and do a better job of nurturing without ranting.
That is a great point. I've heard you echo similar comments before. I don't know whether it's the chicken or the egg, but you're right that you really need to do things that make you a man. Get away from porn and do stuff, whatever that is. Lifting weights, getting out into nature and surviving by your wits, working on cars, etc. And standing your ground. Growing to appreciate this stuff much more
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 334 -- Urges are not super strong but more frequent. I know the reason why -- I'm not MO'ing so there's more temptations. When I was regularly MO'ing post 180 days the urges were minuscule, but now that I'm not I need to be on my guard to a much greater extent. I've been tempted just to google certain pictures (not nudes / porn exactly but just that of attractive girls...and you know where that ultimately leads). I'm really committed to no MO for as long as I can do it, my ideal scenario would be to make it until Day 400. After that I'll probably MO as I'm in no mood to torture myself for no reason haha....by that point my brain should have gotten to another stage of healing. Hopefully by that point I'm really starting to date, I think my brain is getting more and more ready to get on certain dating apps without going straight to porn pathway activation. Well, all this is premature right now, we'll see where things go
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 337 -- Urges continue to occur (again not super strong but stronger than pre no MO), still fighting the good fight. As soon as I feel like something's slipping (incl just googling some images) I need to more consciously re-assert control and say 'you know where that could lead.' I'm going through some personal stuff right now as well (I just don't feel comfortable talking about it right now but maybe at some point I will) so I'm really hoping that all resolves ok over the next few weeks / month. Hope everyone is well
 

SmokenMirrors

Well-Known Member
Day 337 -- Urges continue to occur (again not super strong but stronger than pre no MO), still fighting the good fight. As soon as I feel like something's slipping (incl just googling some images) I need to more consciously re-assert control and say 'you know where that could lead.' I'm going through some personal stuff right now as well (I just don't feel comfortable talking about it right now but maybe at some point I will) so I'm really hoping that all resolves ok over the next few weeks / month. Hope everyone is well
Keep up the good work bro, drop me a message if you're struggling
 
Top