the_mountain_goat
Active Member
DUDE CONGRATS! I'm so happy for you. You're on the right track. You got this!
Moving forward!
- Thread starter TypeN
- Start date
Thank you friend! I aim to do as well as you've been doing.
Slowly but surely.
← Today, 04/05(Key:
= no PMO; = no P; = substitutes; = relapse)Still hanging in there. But I have fallen back into the habit of compulsive MO, and I want to break it, because I know it puts me at risk of relapse.
I want to eventually strike a balance and reach a place where I can really just listen to my body, and make decisions on that basis. But I need a run of days without MO to think soberly about that. So I'm committing to making tomorrow through Saturday no-MO days.
After that I will evaluate where I'm at again and make some concrete plan here. I'll also make posts here the next few days to keep the accountability habit moving.
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
Hey man good stuff!
An issue I personally found is that when there has been an addiction listening to the body is pretty deceptive. Many people go years without masturbating without any issue, and if the body "needs" to release it happens through wet dreams and even through going number one.
Just food for thought, as it is truly impossible to differentiate between listening to the body and wanting to masturbate - literally impossible. Because they are one in the same - it is a matter of seeing the after effect, so you one can only know if it was a good decision afterwards.
But in terms of physically or what the body needs - the body never needs to masturbate ever, so aiming to masturbate or moderating it is a choice, not a physical necessity of the body.
An issue I personally found is that when there has been an addiction listening to the body is pretty deceptive. Many people go years without masturbating without any issue, and if the body "needs" to release it happens through wet dreams and even through going number one.
Just food for thought, as it is truly impossible to differentiate between listening to the body and wanting to masturbate - literally impossible. Because they are one in the same - it is a matter of seeing the after effect, so you one can only know if it was a good decision afterwards.
But in terms of physically or what the body needs - the body never needs to masturbate ever, so aiming to masturbate or moderating it is a choice, not a physical necessity of the body.
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
I also want to point out - sometimes one just does not feel too good. Just something to keep in mind ! There is not always a reason. For example - maybe you feel bad, before during and after a workout - but still would have felt bad, before, during and after staying home. But with the workout you may still be progressing towards a goal.
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Still kicking, and planning to stay that way.
Feeling down again today, though. I suspect it has a little to do with deadlifting heavy yesterday. Although I have the physical energy/stamina to put in serious work in the gym these days, it does seem to take a big toll on my mood the next day, when I go all out.
Maybe the depressed mood is my body telling me that I shouldn't be doing anything else, in order to recover properly? I don't know. I suspect I could do better with dialing in my routines for sleeping and eating.
I did MO today, but I wasn't that interested in it. I kind of made myself do it (twice), in the hope that maybe some of what I was feeling with mood stemmed from sexual frustration, but evidently it did not because I didn't feel any better afterwards. I'll try to learn from that for the future.
Just something I have been thinking about lately - as personally I am sometimes too in touch with my emotions. I was listening to a podcast from a badass navy seal and he said " what do you do on the days where all you can do is go through the motions?" - go through the motions!
Everyone is different, just pointing out basically like our feelings don't always mean something or that we need to change anything - sometimes we just won't feel good, or feel like Mo'ing or whatever - but there are other reasons to take certain actions anyway.
← Today, 04/07(Key:
= no PMO; = no P; = substitutes; = relapse)Thank you for your advice and encouragement gents.
Checking in again. Should have done so yesterday, but here I am this evening.
Yesterday I managed to hold out, but today I folded and MO'd (once). I'm pretty depressed about some real life stuff right now, and between that and the withdrawals it all just got to me this evening.
This coming week is just gonna be rough for me, I think. There's some heavy life circumstances stuff going on, big uncertainty about the future, and next week I'm off from work, which takes structure out of my schedule. All those things are risk factors for me.
So I'm going to try to meet myself where I'm at. I'll take this one day at a time: tomorrow I will not MO.
Hopefully in the meantime some of my other circumstances improve. I just got a follow up assessment scheduled as part of a job interview process I wasn't feeling optimistic about. So, at least there's that.
It's a fine line between using M to balance yourself and using it to self-medicate at the cost of draining yourself and your confidence away.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's hard to know the difference between excess libido and cravings. Giving into the latter is generally not helpful.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's hard to know the difference between excess libido and cravings. Giving into the latter is generally not helpful.
AJ7
Active Member
Congrats on the follow up from your job interview brother
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Thank you for your advice and encouragement gents.
Checking in again. Should have done so yesterday, but here I am this evening.
Yesterday I managed to hold out, but today I folded and MO'd (once). I'm pretty depressed about some real life stuff right now, and between that and the withdrawals it all just got to me this evening.
This coming week is just gonna be rough for me, I think. There's some heavy life circumstances stuff going on, big uncertainty about the future, and next week I'm off from work, which takes structure out of my schedule. All those things are risk factors for me.
So I'm going to try to meet myself where I'm at. I'll take this one day at a time: tomorrow I will not MO.
Hopefully in the meantime some of my other circumstances improve. I just got a follow up assessment scheduled as part of a job interview process I wasn't feeling optimistic about. So, at least there's that.
I know you already know this but remember that you can only control what you can. I feel like a little weight is removed off of our shoulders when we surrender to the fact that life will play out as it does. It doesn’t mean we have no control but it allows us to let go of unnecessary worry and stress.
good luck and reach out if you need to.
the_mountain_goat
Active Member
Hey TypeN,
I'm sure you will find the strength to power through this tough week all the while identifying a few things that will make you feel better.
Could it be cooking? lifting? seeing a friend? Be strong!
Cheers!
I'm sure you will find the strength to power through this tough week all the while identifying a few things that will make you feel better.
Could it be cooking? lifting? seeing a friend? Be strong!
Cheers!
← Today, 04/13(Key:
= no PMO; = no P; = substitutes; = relapse)Hey folks.
As predicted, rough week for me. Besides what I anticipated last time, I ended up getting sick, which kept me confined to the house much of the week. I didn’t have a proper relapse like I feared, but there were two days where I viewed substitutes, and on the rest of the days I didn’t manage to shake my compulsive MO pattern. There were other things — uncertainty and personal problems — that made this week tough, but I’m under no illusion: losing some control of my urges made all that harder, not easier.
I’m determined not to turn this into a continuing dynamic. Now I’ll commit to the next 3 days being MO free, and then plan what to do from there, like I tried to last week.
Besides that, some things are going well. I had my assessment test for that interview process I’d mentioned, and I think I scored high, because I’m going to be talking to another recruiter next week. Fingers crossed.
I’ll be back tomorrow to get a groove going with posting. Cheers
← Today, 04/14(Key:
= no PMO; = no P; = substitutes; = relapse)Just got off work early. It's sunny and warm, and I feel like I've got a lot of sexual energy under the surface today. So, it would be easy for me to MO right now, like I've done much too much of lately. Instead of that, I'm going to go hit the gym and funnel all that energy into a long run.
So I was expecting to run around 6 miles tonight. The last time I did a long run was about a month ago, I think? And I did about 6-6.5 miles if I'm remembering right.
Anyway, I just ran 11.5 miles @ 9:50 min/mile on the treadmill. Almost twice as much, with only a few 30 second breaks for water, and a day after maxing out on my deadlift (yesterday night). I'm stunned. I had given up on running a marathon this spring like I talked about earlier in this thread, and had even figured I wouldn't run the half marathon this April because I hadn't had the energy to train long runs often. But I very nearly ran a half marathon tonight ... I think if the gym closing hadn't forced me to stop, I would have.
Sobriety is a gift! A sign from the universe to keep my shit together.
My legs are gonna kill me tomorrow lol.
Anyway, I just ran 11.5 miles @ 9:50 min/mile on the treadmill. Almost twice as much, with only a few 30 second breaks for water, and a day after maxing out on my deadlift (yesterday night). I'm stunned. I had given up on running a marathon this spring like I talked about earlier in this thread, and had even figured I wouldn't run the half marathon this April because I hadn't had the energy to train long runs often. But I very nearly ran a half marathon tonight ... I think if the gym closing hadn't forced me to stop, I would have.
Sobriety is a gift! A sign from the universe to keep my shit together.
My legs are gonna kill me tomorrow lol.
← Today, 04/15(Key:
= no PMO; = no P; = substitutes; = relapse)My legs actually don't hurt too badly today, but my whole body is exhausted and vaguely achey. It feels like I've got a hangover, and I also noticed that yesterday's big effort seems to have re-kindled a bit of my cold from earlier this week.
But I have had almost no addictive urges today. Sexual thoughts have popped into my head, but it seems like my underlying libido has hit the snooze button, big time. If only it were always this easy!
Anyhow, I've just been lounging around the house, napping, listening to music, and drawing. I also stepped out of the house briefly to buy a smoothie and meditate in a park. All things considered, a good day.
← Today, 04/18(Key:
= no PMO; = no P; = substitutes; = relapse)Hey folks. I relapsed yesterday.
A lot of things led up to it including last week’s run-ins with substitutes, but I think the real kicker this time was intense sleep deprivation.
While that run the other night was exhilarating in the moment, I think it was more than my body was able to recover from afterwards. For the ensuing few nights I only slept 3-6 hours at most. I just could not calm myself down and fall sleep. And not taking the cue about overextending myself, I went bouldering on my birthday this past Sunday, lol. Compounding the physical stress and ensuing poor sleep.
I also figured out that some pet food I was keeping in my room had gone badly moldy and was likely mold poisoning me for the past week and a half. It might in fact be what caused me to be “sick” last week (and then again this one), and I’m sure it was contributing to my inability to sleep.
So I guess this is me pleading temporary insanity? More than that, though, it’s a reminder that I need to take real care to make sure I can be better-rested, and in a physically healthy environment.
Anyway, my resolve is no less strong than it has ever been to make this work. Despite my poor sleep I had a very positive follow-up interview this afternoon with the firm I’ve been going back and forth with. Knock on wood, but the language the hiring manager was using almost felt like she was implying that I was going to be offered the job. We had a very positive and friendly dynamic going during the rest of the conversation, too. Fingers crossed … that would be huge for me, and take an immense weight off my back, stress-wise.
Anyway, for today I will not MO, and I’ll check back tomorrow. Cheers
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the_mountain_goat
Active Member
Hey TypeN.
I’m sorry about the relapse. How weirdly connected we are there…!
I like what you said about taking care of your environment. This is key for us. It helps us feel safe, comfortable and fit for our lives (and might sometimes help compensate with our messy brains!). I hope we’re learning our lessons…
CONGRATS! About the interview. Despite all odds, we’re able to power through and keep our head up high, stay motivated etc.
I hope you find more balance in your body in the coming days. As you told me in my thread, sometimes it’s more about relaxing.
I’m sorry about the relapse. How weirdly connected we are there…!
I like what you said about taking care of your environment. This is key for us. It helps us feel safe, comfortable and fit for our lives (and might sometimes help compensate with our messy brains!). I hope we’re learning our lessons…
CONGRATS! About the interview. Despite all odds, we’re able to power through and keep our head up high, stay motivated etc.
I hope you find more balance in your body in the coming days. As you told me in my thread, sometimes it’s more about relaxing.
I'm sorry to hear about your relapse, but at the same time I'm happy to hear about your interview!
It seems like you are using your relapse in a positive way, you are listening to what caused it and taking care of it, congrats on all that good work!
I'm struggling recently, but I think the goal is to keep fighting and to advance in the right direction, rather than overcome this addiction in one day.
Good luck with your interview, I hope it turns out well for you.
It seems like you are using your relapse in a positive way, you are listening to what caused it and taking care of it, congrats on all that good work!
I'm struggling recently, but I think the goal is to keep fighting and to advance in the right direction, rather than overcome this addiction in one day.
Good luck with your interview, I hope it turns out well for you.
← Today, 04/20(Key:
= no PMO; = no P; = substitutes; = relapse)Thanks a lot guys.
I had 2 interviews this week, with different people who would be supervising the position. The first one which I mentioned here went well I would say, while the second one today felt harder. The second interviewer was more senior and very no-nonsense, and I felt a little unprepared for her questions. I just couldn't get out of my head during our talk. I don't think I did badly, but I wish I could have done better somehow. I'm just worried that I came across as uncoordinated and not sharp... I'm frustrated with myself, thinking that maybe I let myself get overconfident after the first interview and that somehow I could have prepared more seriously.
To be fair to myself, this second interview happened on short notice. Yesterday afternoon I got an email asking if I could meet today. Still, I wish I'd done more.
Because I'm feeling anxious about it I wanted to come here and post just to keep myself in a constructive cycle of behavior. I didn't manage to avoid MO the past 2 days, but I want to today.
Will check back later on everyone's posts. Wishing you guys well.
the_mountain_goat
Active Member
Good job for getting this far already!! Fingers crossed about the next steps. You did all you could.