A Long time due battle that I need to stop ignoring

TypeN

Active Member
Hi!

I had a pretty bad day. I missed a bus I needed to take and now I'm staying with some friends. Is not bad, but I hate feeling I'm annoying them, or that I was stupid managing this trip.

Anyway, I'm dealing with the situation in the best way I can.

I commit to another day of no P, no subtitues and no fantasies! I will stay away from anything that keeps me on my addiction. Is going to be difficult at times, but it is so worth it!
No playing with my dick at all. And I will be extra careful in the morning and when going to sleep.

Also, I will instead focus on things that help me get out of my addiction and have a healthy life:
-exercise
-eating healthy
-connecting with people
-working on my university project (I need to do some stuff to finish the enrollment process)
-reading
-music and films
-writting

See you guys tomorrow!

Sorry that you had a bad day man, and that you missed your bus. Although you might be feeling self-conscious, moments like this are what friends are for, and I am sure that you would do the same for them if they were in your situation.

You are clearly a sincere guy who cares about others, so I think you deserve to let yourself be cared for when you make a little mistake!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Sorry that you had a bad day man, and that you missed your bus. Although you might be feeling self-conscious, moments like this are what friends are for, and I am sure that you would do the same for them if they were in your situation.

You are clearly a sincere guy who cares about others, so I think you deserve to let yourself be cared for when you make a little mistake!
Thanks for your kind words! I appreciate it
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hello guys!

Today business as usual:
No P, no fantasies, and no subtitues.
Getting rid if this addiction for good!
Instead, I will focus on rewarding things:

Friends (I want to make a couple of calls today)
Writing
Working on my long term projects (university)
Reading
Maybe going to the cinema
Phisical activity (stretching a bit)

I will be busy enough today, I think!

I had a "house interview " earlier this week, and I will hear from them on Wednesday.
I have another visit this Thursday. I think it would be the ideal room for me, and I fit in the profile they are looking for their housemate, so I'm pretty excited about that.
I shouldn't get too ahead of myself and not set the expectancies too high, of course. I'm still looking for a room, preparing for negative answers.


See you tomorrow
 
Last edited:

Trisquel

Active Member
Hi!

I got the fucking room!
Very happy about that. Finally I will be able to settle down in The Netherlands, a thing that I have been trying to do fro almost one year!

Now my horizon begings to open up! I need to take care now of moving in, of all the paperwork, of finding a job and getting the university application to good term!

Pretty excited about it, as well as scared. I hope things go fine!

Anyway, I'm here to commit to another day Porn-free. These days I've been having quite a lot of urges and sexual thoughts. Luckyly I haven't been alone for most of the time, and I've been staying with friends, so that helps a lot.
I need to commit to fight this adiction every day. There will come a time when the urges will be high and difficult to avoid and I need to be prepared for that.

I think it would be ideal to have an action plan if that's the case. It could be something like:

-Stay away from my phone and computer for 5 min.
-take a couple of deep breaths
- ask myself what I'm doing and how I'm dealing with the urges.
-if I'm alone, go outside my house (to the park, to do groceries, to a gym, to the cinema, to visit a friend, to a cafe, wherever)
-if I cannot go out, call my family or friends.

I think I will keep it in every post to remind myself that I can choose alternative behaviours to respond to my urges.


I commit to a P-free day tomorrow. No P, no fantasies, no subtitues. I will engage instead with the real world and with rewarding activities.
That is:
-working on my long term projects
-taking care of my body (exercise and healthy eating)
-engaging with friends
-reading
-spending less time on social media (maybe take a couple of breaths every time I open an app and adk myself if that's what I really want)

I will be specially careful tomorrow morning and when going to sleep, as those are weak moments.

See you the next day guys!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hi guys!
New day, business as usual:

I commit to another day of no P, no fantasies and no subtitutes. I will focus instead on enganging with real life (long-term projects, friends, music and reading, exercising, etc...).
I will be carefull when going to sleep and waking up!

In case I go trhough some urges I have the following plan:
-Stay away from my phone and computer for 5 min.
-take a couple of deep breaths
- ask myself what I'm doing and how I'm dealing with the urges.
-if I'm alone, go outside my house (to the park, to do groceries, to a gym, to the cinema, to visit a friend, to a cafe, wherever)
-if I cannot go out, call my family or friends.

I know I will have urges and moments when I want to relapse, but that´s normal and part of the process, I can deal with that, as I have done before.


Today I will see a friend in the night and sleep over at this place, apart from that very calm day without much obligations, I will take the opportunity to read a bit more than usuall. I won´t have a lot of opportunities for relapse, so that´s good. I still feel my concentration is crap, but well, is part of the process, I guess. Reading and staying away from social medai should help.
My university application is almost done, and I will move to my new room soon!
Very happy about that.

Cheers! See you tomorrow
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hey! Midday update.
I am struggling with fantasies and sexual thoughts quite a lot today.
I guess is normal since I relapsed not so long ago.
I feel a lot of energy inside me, and my concentration is terrible, my mind goes from one place to another.

Tomorrow ai return to my house and I'll be able to go to the climbing gym, I think that will help a lot with putting my energy somewhere else.
I will abstaining now from my mobile phone since it always makes things worse.

For the rest of the day I won't be alone, so I think I'll be fine. I will try to direct my energy and attention in the social interactions I have to make the redt of the day.

Whenever I have sexual fantasies I try to take a couple of deep breaths and become aware of what I'm doing. Then I can focus my attention somewhere else. It has worked so far, although the fantasies keep coming back.

I will keep you updated, see you!
 

TypeN

Active Member
Thinking of you man; I hope you were able to feel mentally even today.

So thrilled for you about the room! That's a huge deal, great job. Hopefully that can bring you a little relief about the future. 🙏
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Thinking of you man; I hope you were able to feel mentally even today.

So thrilled for you about the room! That's a huge deal, great job. Hopefully that can bring you a little relief about the future. 🙏
Thanks a lot man!
Indeed, the room matter has conditioned my life a lot this last year and now it is a huge relief.
Feels good man!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hello guys,

today I return to my city, I'm already on the bus station.
I feel fine, looking foward to dee my friends and be in my house. Pretty excited about moving back to The Netherlands, I have to start planning that.

Today I commit to another day of no P. I know is very easy to relapse again and I have to commit every day to fighting this. It will become easy over time, but I have to make the active choice of leaving this addiction behind every day.

No P, no fantasies, no subtitues. I will be specially careful when I'm alone, and when going to sleep or waking up.

I have my plan for when I have big urges:
Stay away from my phone and computer for 5 min.
-take a couple of deep breaths
- ask myself what I'm doing and how I'm dealing with the urges.
-if I'm alone, go outside my house (to the park, to do groceries, to a gym, to the cinema, to visit a friend, to a cafe, wherever)
-if I cannot go out, call my family or friends, try to be in company.


I will instead engage with real life and rewarding activities:
Sports, climbing, meeting friends, cooking something nice, music, reading, walking visiting my city, movies.


See you tomorrow, guys, gotta keep accountable!!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hi guys.

I had a relapse today.
I genuely don't understand it.
I was feeling very good and optimistic today. And I have been making so much progress so far....
But I returned home and I was home alone. I was browsing on my phone and all of a sudden I started acting automatically, without thinking.
Deep down I knew this wasn´t allright, but I just kept going, automatically, I didn´t care.
It is scary how automatic it was....

Now I know beeing home alone is really a problem for me. Which is problematic, because it is a thing I do a lot.

I will keep trying and I will commit to this reboot, but this has been a extrange experience, I wonder if I will ever get rid of this shit.

I know this doesn´t put me on square 1 and doesn´t sweep away all the progress made, but I´m getting tired of this shit. I´m starting to wonder even if I can get rif of this crap.
Damm, today was beeing a good day...

see you tomorrow guys.
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Reasons I´m doing this reboot:

-I wan´t to be emotionally healthy, not to deal with my emotions in an ill way, using P or other subtitutes.
-I want to find real life deep and meaningfull conections with those around me
-I don´t want to feel drained and pitifull
-I wan´t to have projects in real life that make me and others feel proud (musical projects, university, relatiomships), I don´t want to waste my time on this anymore.

I have to keep this on mind everytime I´m coming close to a relapse. P is preventing me from all those objectives. I´m also very done with wasting my time on this crap. So many hours of my youth have gone by there...
P leave me drained and emotionally and personally ill. I have to hold this feeling and keep it in mind.
I important for me to know why I´m doing this.

I have read the first post of this blog and I don´t want to go back there. Still, is good to see all the progress I´ve been making. I can only keep the positive tendency and get rid of this addiction!

Also, the further away I stay from P and other compulsive behaviours, the more close I feel to the things I want. I feel more conected with people around me, more "bright", and more focused. I only want more of all of that!!

I´m still on this fight, and I´m going strong. A lot of progress has been made, now is the time to double my efforts and go trhough this period where I´m hesitating. Can´t wait to get rid of this shit!!
I have a feeling I´m opening up to real life, and it feels good, I wanna keep going in that direction! Positive changes are around the corner....
But for that is important I fight this addiction, I´m still and addict, and I can go back to my addiction every day. Life is getting better, but this is still a difficult fight, I cannot forget that. The good thing is that I can keep up the fight, and I can overcome my addiction, I just need to put effort on it, on not giving up and trying harder the next time!

I really want to get rid of it once and for all. No more bullshit.

See you tomorrow guys, the commitment is still up.
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
You're trying to overcome powerful programming. Remember, scientists found that the neurochemical "hit" from a trigger is more powerful than the "hit" from using.

You must figure out ways to stop the autopilot problem. Regular meditation is known to increase executive control.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
I'm pretty sure porn addiction lowers activity in the prefrontal cortex and thus your ability to consciously stop that automatic routine.

That automatic routine is the physical manifestation of that porn pathway in your brain you've developed and made strong.

The good news is, you don't have to beat the urges every day. The longer your streak, the less suppressed your prefrontal cortex becomes, the weaker the porn pathway and thus the easier it is to regain control!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hi guys.

I´m struggling with urges today. Nothing strange. This morning was no the best as I spent a lot fo time on my computer, but I know that I can break this habit as well and direct my energy elsewhere, which is what I´m doinig now.
I´m here to commit to a day of no P, no substitutes, no fantasies. That shit is irreal and I want to get out of there. I will read my previous post to remind myself of that.

Later this day I will go climbing and I´ll meet with some friends, which I´m sure will clear my head a lot.
See you guys tonight or tomorrow.
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hey!

I made it trhough the day.
I was stugglng with urges a lot, but In the end I went to play music with some friends, which was very nice. After that I went to see a friend I hadn´t talked to in a long time, and we shared some beer. It was a very good ending of the day.

I was able to ger trough the urges partly because I remembered my protocol to deal with them:
-Stay away from my phone and computer for 5 min.
-take a couple of deep breaths
- ask myself what I'm doing and how I'm dealing with the urges.
-if I'm alone, go outside my house (to the park, to do groceries, to a gym, to the cinema, to visit a friend, to a cafe, wherever)
-if I cannot go out, call my family or friends, try to be in company.

A good sing. I will keep pracising it the following days.

I will be extra carefull next morning. I will plan my day ahead a little bit. I think is good I try to spend as much time possible outside my house.

See you tomorrow guys.
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hello guys.

Today bussines as usual, I commit to one day of no P, no subtitutes, no fantasies.
I I have to deal with urges I will use my protocol:

-Stay away from my phone and computer for 5 min.
-take a couple of deep breaths
- ask myself what I'm doing and how I'm dealing with the urges.
-if I'm alone, go outside my house (to the park, to do groceries, to a gym, to the cinema, to visit a friend, to a cafe, wherever)
-if I cannot go out, call my family or friends, try to be in company.

This morning I had to deal with some urges, but I managed to go out of my house after a cold shower. Now I´ve been wasting a lot of time in youtube. I have been reducing the time I spend in my phone as I know it's not healthy and it feeds my addiction. Now I use it a lot less, but I´m still hooked to youtube. I will try to reduce my consumption bit by bit, as I have been doing until now.

For today I will try to spend time outside as much as I can. I´m going to visit a friend, to climb, and to read to the park today. I've found avoiding beeing alone in my room helps me a lot.
I feel I´m having withdrawal symptoms these days (I feel uneasy and irritable). Is difficult to control the urges, but I´m managing to say no every time. I practice taking a couple of deep breaths and facing my urges calmly. I feel like watching P and relapsing again, I do really feel like that, but deep down, I know that feeling is just deilusional addiction-driven behaviour. I know that I want to get away from P, and to enjoy life in a way P would make impossible. I know that, even when I´m feeling like relapsing on the moment. Is good to notice that and to be aware that I can choose for real life even when i don't really feel like it.

These last days have been difficult, but we are keep fighting this adiction!
See you tomorrow guys.
 
Top