Recent content by matstu

Day 1 I'm not sure why exactly I relapsed yesterday, but somehow it happened. I think it had a lot to do with the weight of expectations of other people, of wanting to act like they want me to. It was too distressing and I ended up relapsing. I really need to take care of myself, of my own...

Days 1 and 2 I played volleyball for a few hours and came back really tired. It felt really good to play volleyball, but now I'm in a worse mood. But I think I spent this day well. I have many distressing thoughts about the future, though. Maybe I worry about it too much. It's not productive to...

Day 0 Fappy, that was funny, and true. It's bitterly funny, though, because I relapsed today... only with an auditory and textual stimuli, but still, it was a relapse. I feel kind of proud that I managed to stay sober for over a week. And yet, I'm obviously dissatisfied with the relapse. I...

There is nothing wrong with you even if there is a part of you that might be gay, or at least intrigued by some gay acts. There are scholars who argue that same-sex attraction is a normal part of heterosexuality, and I tend to agree with them even though I know many would disagree. In any case...

Hello. My addiction is also rooted in childhood abuse. It's really hard to break the cycle of addiction, but there are many people to attest that it IS possible. I think that one of the most important things is to approach recovery from the perspective of loving yourself. Your porn consumption...

Thank you, being aware that someone is following this thread is really helpful. Day 7 I have to go to work in a few hours, and yet I can't sleep. It's because there is a party in a room next to mine. It's a really loud party. In the past, in such situation I would consume porn. The weird thing...

Day 5 and 6 I'm preparing a presentation for tomorrow about sexual abuse, and I have incidentally found an interesting article about the link between watching porn and sexual coertion and abuse. Let me share it here...

Day 4 At one point during the day the idea of relapsing was on my mind. It was because I felt abandoned and disliked by my friends. Now, I didn't have any rational reasons to think like that, but my thinking is very much rooted in the reality of my childhood. But thank God, I wrote to my friend...

Days 2 and 3 These were unusual days for me, as I moved from one room in the dorm to another one. Today I was arranging all my stuff in the new room. I like it very much, it's prettier than the previous one and I love the sight from the window. Yesterday and today I didn't even think about...

Day 1 I didn't feel very good today. I didn't have time to meet my friends because I was busy preparing a presentation for tomorrow. But I think I did a good job. Tomorrow I will present it, and then I will finally meet my friends. But there was a good moment today. On my way to work, I met a...

I like your thoughtful approach to rebooting and clearly it pays off, looking at the number of days you've abstained from pornography. It's really impressive. Keep up the good work.

Day 0 Thank you for your response. Unfortunately, I relapsed today. What you wrote is so true. Fapping not only made me feel bad, it made me feel terrible and utterly miserable. It made me stop all my plans and feel absolute self-pitty. I could have just gone for a damn walk, that's what I...

Day 3 Tragically, I have looked at a pornographic subreddit. I didn't look at any pictures or videos, but I read some titles of pornographic posts and fantasized about doing that. For now, I don't count that as a relapse, although maybe I should. I'm not sure why I keep doing this mistake...

Of course it's worth it. Personally I think that sex is overrated anyway, so whether you get it or not doesn't matter all that much. It's a simple evolutionary urge that seems very strong, but when it actually happens it's like... meh. What really matters are strong and valuable interpersonal...

Day 2 Today I felt really happy for no particular reason other than sunny weather. Even though according to calendars it's still spring, it truly was a summer's day - and a very beautiful one. At one point I went out of my dorm just because I wanted to sit in the sun and read a book. On the...