Ive Swornoff

Just checking in. I'm still chugging along at 9.5 months. There are signs things are probably better down there. Haven't had much opportunity to "test" that. Occasionally tempted to try P ... "just once" to see if at least I've come THAT far that P would do it again, but ... no. Not going to do that.

Yesterday makes 6 months p*** free.

Today is day 163 with no porn. The PIED is still strong. In recent weeks I have had 2 occasions where it barely started to stir due to either a tame visual stimulus ... and once it was I think just a warm electric blanket. Very subtle encouraging signs. But I am afraid I have a long, long way to go yet.

Day 120. A milestone to be celebrated. And hey, this afternoon I did start to become aroused at a visual suggestion of femininity -- not electronic. Encouraging. First time in a long time.

Perhaps it is time to start rewiring.

Day 112 ... still going. No real change.

**** UPDATE ***** Day 109 **** I renamed my journal. See update on first post for why.

Day 100. Landmark. Still not even close to "there". Keep going.

93 days of no PMO. No P at all. But only maybe 6 or so weeks of hard mode. Still going ...

I joined quite a way into my journey here . I noticed about 45 or so days in that my nighttime involuntary erections are about every night now and have been since. And they last a long while. So all of the physiological things work. It's just mental. My libido is still practically zero. Advantage of this is I hardly even care about porn anymore. Disadvantage is ... zero is not really the goal, is it?

So 85 days. Urges have been piping up a bit more lately, maybe to about a "4" ... but I still have plenty of will to shut them down. I'm pretty pissed off about what I've done to myself by watching all this crap for years and desensitizing my brain. That's what keeps me going. That kind of anger at the situation. That and the longer the streak goes the more I don't want to break it.