Recent content by FiveFortyFour

Day 1 One thing that I'm doing differently is that I've decided to forego watching youtube while I eat. What I'm trying to accomplish more broadly with that is to unplug from the internet; spend less time surfing the web. Get more control over my time. Other little things that have helped just...

Day 0 Damn it. I'm so mad at myself right now. I knew this was coming, I thought I was evading it, and I still chose evil. I know I can't just pack it in and give up, but I feel so damned helpless. So pathetic. I tried. Even when I was phasing in and out of the decision to relapse, I tried to...

Day 6 Doin' a bit better today, for sure. Feeling a little stronger. Which is why I feel both the need and the resolve to confess something. I've got a vacation coming up, and I intended to use tomorrow to PMO furiously and "get it all out of my system." I thank God that He convicted me of how...

Day 5 Went to the gym again today. I'm finally starting to see a change in the overall frame of my body. Saw myself in perfect profile in-between sets, realized that my current resting posture makes my gut and my chest even in protrusion. Still a long bloody way to go, but there's movement in...

Day 3 Still going.

Day 2 Getting along so far.

Day 1 Can't think of anything to say. Just gotta pick up and try again.

Day 0 I chose poorly again. MO'd after getting home from the gym. Then PMO'd later on. Plunged into scripture after that. It made me want to cry, but I it also healed the short term wounds and put me back in the mind of the fight. This ain't over yet.

Day 3 So far, I haven't M'd since my last relapse. It's only been 3 days, mind, but that's still a good note to start on.

Day 2 Relapsed after the last post. But I think I've found a way to fight back against the thoughts that I get when I go to bed. Still working on it, but early field tests show promise.

Day 6 Feelin' a bit sick today. Gonna take some pepto before bed. Today's temptations haven't been quite as severe. I have been more tired lately, though. Gonna try to get to bed a little earlier today.

Day 5 Got through yesterday, despite everything. Dunno if today's necessarily been easier, but I don't feel quite as tempted today as the other days. That could change at a moment's notice, though. Can't get too complacent.

Day 4 I'm still struggling. But then, I guess it never really gets easy. Not as long as my anatomy's still working the way it should. I can at least say today wasn't a waste. I went to the gym, got some good leg workouts in, read my Bible. The low-light of it all is that, while I was driving...

Day 3 I won't lie, lads. I really struggled yesterday while I was trying to go to sleep. Invasive thoughts kept pecking at me. I went into a loop of edging, stopping, trying to calm down and go to sleep, again and again. Eventually, thankfully, I just passed out. It's a good thing this was all...

Different riffs for different stiffs, mi amigo. 🎸