Recent content by Sepul0

Journaling on this website has been a strong net positive for me, but I feel like I'm better off taking a break from it for now, and that if I were to resume journaling, I should move to the NoFap forums [Switching websites would appeal to my Reset mentality]. Thank you to everyone who's been...

Me and my partner that I was assigned via our placings in our respective pools finished in 4th place, just barely losing both our semifinal game and the bronze medal game. I realized that my hair was embarrassingly messy once I got in my car to leave though, so whatever. People seem to have...

When I was choosing a FTND shirt of mine to wear, I was prioritizing aesthetic cohesion with my paddle+sneakers+options for shorts, the messaging of the shirt (mainly what's featured on the front), and the shirt's condition. I didn't take into account how inappropriate this shirt's theme of...

[Post-Midnight Post] Five days from now, the first annual pickleball tournament held in honor of the late community member that I've previously mentioned will happen. I'll be playing in it, and it'll receive newspaper coverage. The tournament is in a Scramble format, meaning that we'll be...

Early on in Addie's silence, I noticed that she had deleted her profile on the dating app that we met on, and had manually deleted our chat that we had. Yesterday morning, I randomly found a new profile of hers on the same app. This implies to me that she's safe, which is the most important...

You're right. I didn't mean to sound like someone claiming victimhood at the hands of society. I'm afraid of falling for the "incel" ideology despite knowing better; continuing to fail at meeting my desires makes doing so more likely. [I'm struggling to think of what to write again. I can't...

[Post-Midnight Post] My urges are very strong now. The lust that builds from looking at these dating app profiles combines with my insecurity to push me towards the escape of porn. Porn may help me escape reality, but it also severely handicaps my reality from improving very much. Obviously...

My addict brain is manipulating my self-criticism of my ongoing decision to keep this journal to guide me towards the path of abandoning it and giving in to my addiction. Its position has strengthened as a consequence of yesterday's and today's relapses, along with other poor choices. Now that...

[Post-Midnight Post] I un-Incognito'd my dating app accounts an hour or so ago. Browsing the apps myself is too depressing to feel worth doing regularly, but at least that gives me more time for other things, like self-improvement. It's so easy to throw terms and virtues and declarations...

I'm more capable of going out these days than I used to be, so I can expand my opportunities like you're suggesting. I spend too much of my time on childish things. My parents paid off their mortgage recently, and are very financially responsible. This comes with awareness of how tough it is to...

Speaking of brainrot, and the level of quality of this journal, I'm having a difficult time remembering what I have and haven't discussed in this one. I'm dozens of entries in, and still have memories of the four previous journals floating around in my head. My willpower to avoid using so many...

It feels awkward to write about myself, now that I've brought up the existence of problems of an astronomically higher magnitude multiple times. It brings me back to questioning my right to take up anyone's time with this thing. It's the reader's choice, but if this choice that I'm providing is...

Spending more time learning about how the world is fucked has helped me to distract from my more personal issues lately. If I don't remain educated in this area, then apparantly I'm just a stupid enabling American. And even with these perspectives, I'm still an enabler. My addictions and other...

The nerve of me to half-assedly finish an entry discussing something as serious as suicide that I fell asleep writing, and then almost immediately relapse again afterwards. I've normalized relapses in my journaling over the past two years to a deplorable extent. My relapses are very formulaic...

[Post-Midnight Post] Picking at my fingernails, that childish habit turned addiction of mine, took up a chunk of my time today. I prioritized putting my fingers in pain over eating a half-decent amount of food during my lunch break. In a more natural environment, people like me wouldn't have...