Recent content by GenericJC

Day 2 It always surprises me how fuzzy you feel the day after. The impact is insane, it's harder to feel energised and to think straight. Fascinating experience was that despite it having been 40 days, it was actually a struggle to keep excited watching anything versus last night when I was...

Day 0 Damn it, I got overconfident. I gave into that urge and went looking and of course, I found. I haven't O'd but I M'd and that's just as bad. God damn is it frustrating, I've got someone in my life now who I care about and it's the sole thing holding me back from continuing but I...

Day 41! Hi everyone, hope you've all been well. Have not written in awhile but decided to write a journal tonight as I've been feeling some urges lately and want to clear my mind. Past few weeks have a tually been quite easy and have been able to say no to the urges though recently have felt a...

Day 24 Have not been posting here neeeearly enough as I should have. So far the past 9 days have been absolutely fine, have had a couple of instances of urges and also potential times and places for relapses but nothing that I could not overcome. That is not to say I am through this. That...

Day 15 No real urges yet which is great but has a fun experience last night. Dreamt I relapsed! I love those dreams because they give you a snippet of what the guilt and shame feels like and a solid reminder of why you are doing this. It also strikes me as a way the brain recovering and...

Day 12 Have not journalled in a while but figured today was a great example for why I should. Had no urges for the past week and even at one point had to remove my blockers to download an app for work and was able to install said app, put the blockers back on and then give the code to my...

Day 8 Nearly missed today but I suppose that's a bit of overconfidence coming in to distract me! Have not had any not distractions nor urges today or yesterday which is fantastic but again this is early days. Have gotten back into the gym after a period of inactivity. My last relapse was...

Day 6 Okay I said I wouldn't miss another day but I did but I have a very good reason for it. I went home with someone after a night out and it was a very interesting experience! Ive always had DE as a result of porn use but I experienced PIED for the first time which was fascinating to...

Day 4 Nothing major today, couple minor points but nothing that wasn't easy to ignore and say no to. Heading into another weekend but feeling fairly confident about it given its usually 2 weeks onwards that poses any kind of significant threat. Regardless this weekend is going to be about...

Hahaha Yeah particularly when you're fighting you begin to have interesting dreams. The number of times I've had dreams where I relapsed I can't even count, and it's a fascinating feeling waking up with guilt even though you haven't done anything wrong. It sometimes feels like the minds way of...

Day 2 Did something yesterday I thought I never would. I told one of my parents the truth. Was not an easy thing to psyche myself up to but in my mind it's a necessary step. A surprisingly easy conversation in the end and she wasn't too upset but agreed to be my confidante in this and also...

Day 1 you read that right Unfortunately I mega relapsed, BAD today. I'm very disappointed in myself, extremely so, but I must also say I am not surprised. I have been so wrapped up in the past few weeks with a new direction in life I am taking that I got overconfident and ignored the warning...

Day 21 Weekend actually passed by with very little difficulty which is great. I had a good chat with my therapist on the weekend and really dove into reasons why I relapse when I do. A large part of it is driven by boredom. I'm someone who can't quite sit still and struggles to relax, and so...

Day 19 Actually had a couple urges today which reminded me of something I completely forgot to mention earlier in the week. Earlier this week I had to remove my blockers in order to download an app I needed. These blockers are a lifeline of mine for fighting relapses, and while I know blockers...

Day 18 Hope you all are doing well! Easy day today which was nice but when you are busy it's not much of an achievement. If we were busy all the time then I don't think any of us would struggle whatsoever, but life just isn't like that. Having a call with my therapist on the weekend which...