Recent content by Space_Monkey

  1. Space_Monkey

    You're as strong as you wanna be.

    Hahah Today I relapsed. God, I made a mistake. But I am learing from it. I am becoming stronger. So, here we go again: Day 1
  2. Space_Monkey

    You're as strong as you wanna be.

    Day 297 Last week I went through a psychic rebirth. It began with me daydreaming of myself floating on the sea. I was lying naked on its surface with eyes closed. The sea was deep and dark. I could not see its bottom. Mild waves pushed me up and down. Imagining this movement instilled me with...
  3. Space_Monkey

    You're as strong as you wanna be.

    Day 295 I feel tense. I see my inner Self stretching and tightening. I watch coldly as it is being crucified between the poles of desire and pleasure. I observe the suffering within me, as if it were not mine, as if it were an object seperate of me. And, as I watch closely it dissipates, under...
  4. Space_Monkey

    You're as strong as you wanna be.

    Day 282 I've stopped with the one night stands. I haven't had sex since may. Right now I am spending the holidays on the mediterranean coast. Lots of pretty women in summer dresses around me. The heat and the physical activity make my hormones boil. Women are actually throwing themselves at...
  5. Space_Monkey

    You're as strong as you wanna be.

    Day 201 I realize now, why my past attempts to get clean had failed. And I also realize, why my current attempt will not succeed, but has already succeeded. In the past I thought quiting was hard; was an act of willpower. I was trying to hold miself back from an impulse that seemed inevitable...
  6. Space_Monkey

    You're as strong as you wanna be.

    Day 186 Last weekend I went to a nightclub, drank a lot and danced like mad. I just wanted to somehow dull my mind and lose myself. It didn't work though. While dancing I kept aksing myself: "Why am I even here?" You know this feeling? When you are not where you wanna be and everything seems...
  7. Space_Monkey

    You're as strong as you wanna be.

    Day 158 Last night I dreamt I was watching porn again. Maaaaan, what a nightmare...
  8. Space_Monkey

    You're as strong as you wanna be.

    Day 130 I have become addicted to life.
  9. Space_Monkey

    You're as strong as you wanna be.

    Day 121 The traveling last week was very exciting. It definitelly opened me up more to life. It raised my dopamine baseline aswell. I realized that as soon as I came back to my everyday routine. Nothing I did at home was "enough". I felt some kind of "emptiness". I had a big craving for more...
  10. Space_Monkey

    You're as strong as you wanna be.

    Day 134 I had wild week. Been traveling around Europe with a friend. Sex, drugs and rock'n'roll, basically. I'm starting to come down again. I might have a short depression after such a high. Please, wish me luck guys!
  11. Space_Monkey

    You're as strong as you wanna be.

    Day 119 I am cool. That's all I have to say.
  12. Space_Monkey

    You're as strong as you wanna be.

    Day 87 I feel good. I have just finished my degree and I am excited aboout the future to come. I have been exercising regularly, eating well, reading a lot of books and meeting a lot of new people. I've had enlightening conversations with men twice my age. I've been flirting with very...
  13. Space_Monkey

    You're as strong as you wanna be.

    Day 71 Wow, I didn't know I could do this. I fell like a changed man. I want to keep going in this direction. Excellence, here I come.
  14. Space_Monkey

    You're as strong as you wanna be.

    Day 64 Since I've stopped masturbating, I didn't drink alcohol or eat sugar either. Over the hollidays I visited family. My family didn't appreciate the new lifestyle at all. I got rude comments and was mocked for not taking part in their drinking and eating. I felt somewhat confused. I...
  15. Space_Monkey

    You're as strong as you wanna be.

    Day 36 I stopped masturbation for good. I realize I don't need it. I'm am in control of my erection. My lifestyle is getting better with every day. I feel confident, that I will achieve something great with my life.
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