Recent content by SebUK

Hello everyone. I'm sitting here on a nice hot day in Australia on 2 February 2023. Have been reading through this diary and wow, I feel many things. First, what a huge waste of time this habit has cost me. Or more accurately, what a huge amount of time *I* have wasted on this habit. I feel...

Hi Orbiter I like your journal first entry. I think you are a bit like me - you seem very organised and conscientious! I wonder if you have used a psychologist over the years of your struggle and whether you have found this useful? I'm currently trying to decide whether to go back to one or...

Yes this is a familiar pattern to me. After a relapse I will put in place all these structures and systems (defenses) and they will work for a while, sometimes a long while. And then I start to stop doing them because I feel like I'm back in control. However the triggers are still there and may...

Today I'm feeling okay. I almost had a relapse last night. It was 8pm and I had been at work all day. It was my first day back in two weeks (one week holiday, and most of one week off sick due to this problem). It was good to be back and everyone was kind. But after work I was tired. I watched...

Hi mate! Rejection is definitely a huge trigger for me. All the things you noted are the situations where I feel rejected, especially dating. Accordingly I'm off online dating for a while, maybe permanently. When I go out and about, I avoid looking at pretty girls, which is also a huge...

Hey man! How are you? Yeah I did buy a dumb phone but I haven't set it up yet as I need the SIM which is still in the post. As I expected, I'm having second thoughts too, for the reasons you mentioned. Modern life is a bit annoying without a smart phone. I'm trying to use my smart phone as...

Hello all! I'm back here again to write in this journal. Since November 2021, which seems like an age ago, I was doing pretty well until mid February. At that point I started dating again and also stopped my fat loss diet. Both of these things led to a relapse, which has then led to a cycle...

20 days no P no MB. So my mood was really good today, helped by the nice weather here at the moment. Fairly busy day at work including a meeting where I needed to participate amongst some senior people which made me quite nervous. Not having looked at p/mb made me a lot more confident, which...

15 days no P no MB. Mood generally okay. Was very good earlier today when I was cycling down near the beach where I live - really nice cycle path that runs all the way down the path and it was a beautiful sunny day. Really good for the mental health! Also, there were triggers everywhere but...

About 12 days free of porn and no MB either. Anxiety is generally much lower although it spiked SUPER high when I was at the beach the other day. No wonder why - lots of hot female bodies everywhere. At first I enjoyed it and then at the end I started to feel super anxious. Like I was post...

This week has been a better one. After starting a book no dopamine, called Dopamine Nation - definitely worth a read, I decided to quit MB at the same time as porn. For the past few weeks of failures I've been trying to MB (to keep the pressure off) while not looking at porn. I think both are...

Today has been a better day. I tided up the house, did all my daily tasks (music, meditation, moving house stuff) and most importantly, had no relapses. This is often the case on a Sunday after I've had a relapse on Friday/Saturday. One of the reasons for this is I have to go to work tomorrow...

Last couple of days have been pretty average. Relapsed again on Wednesday night. Quite a bad one for about 3 hours. Sigh! Felt so awful that I took the rest of the week off. On Thursday I just played a new computer all game to distract myself. Today I'm feeling marginally better. Fortunately...

Daily report in. Today was a bit shit for the most part, but then marked by a nice thing. Basically felt super anxious all day and generally unhappy. Almost 100% because of my relapse on Friday and Saturday. Unbelievably I almost tripped again on Monday night. Despite everything! Once I've...

Hi everyone Long time no post! Jumping back on here because I'm still struggling (!!) and this has helped me in the past. Writing stuff in a public forum seems to be more effective for me than just writing a private diary. I guess it is a form of accountability. During the last 1.5 years...