Long Reboot

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
I need some advice from anyone who has taken a long time to recover.

I'm on Day 224 of my reboot. I haven't looked at anything pornographic, nor fantasised for the whole time. I have masturbated 5 times over this period (the longest gap between masturbation has been 70 days).

I don't feel like I'm recovering. I am getting some morning erections but my libido is at an absolute zero. In fact, the thought of becoming intimate with my partner actually makes me feel ill. It's a similar situation to when you've eaten too much of a particular kind of food and the thought of another piece makes you feel ill. Has anyone else experienced this? I know I need to rewire with my partner but I really feel an aversion to sexual contact at the moment. This is soul destroying. My partner is an amazing woman. She's very attractive, but the though of initiating anything sexual just makes me feel sick.

I'm not a young man. I had plenty of sexual experience before I got addicted to porn and masturbation (edging in particular).

I'm coming up for 8 months without porn and I'm starting to lose hope. I know Gabe took a year and a half to fully recover, so I just have to dig in and keep going. I'm just curious if anyone else has had similar symptoms (feeling sick at the thought of sex) and recovering after a long reboot.

Thanks.
 

DepressedAndOut

Active Member
Hello,

I'm very similar to you except that I don't have previous experience and no current partner to rewire to - which means I will most likely take a lot longer than you to recover.

Yes, I have no desire for women, sex and I don't get aroused at the sight of a woman. Today at the gym, a girl was doing yoga right in front of me (sexual positions) while wearing very tight and short pants (they were basically hots pants for sports!) and I felt nothing. Earlier this morning, I was reading the papers and there was a picture of a beautiful woman in a bikini, that I unfortunately couldn't resist looking at, and unfortunately I felt a bit of a buzz looking at the picture. Which really confirms how far I have to go to recover. (if ever!)

Have you thought about visiting a psychotherapist..? Doesn't Brain Diodge's book (that I believe you read..?) mention anything about this symptom?

How did this symptom (of being put off by sex) come about? Did it happen gradually?  Instantly...?

For me it happened the day after a relapse, upon checking my erection I discovered that my penis had shrunk, and immediately the next thought was "OMG... I may never have sex ever!! I might never be with a woman!!". Basically it horrified me and made me cry. At that moment, my desire for sex completely disappeared! I became scared of it. (Also my temptation for Porn vanished (to this day), at least that's the positive to it!)

I'm possibly recovering from it now, but I hesitate to say that I'm recovering from it because the sign of 'improvements' are really vague, and therefore it could only be my imagination.

 

foo

Member
I wouldn't say I feel ill at the thought of sex. For me it's more like anxious. The PIED and low libido really messes with my self esteem and I hate the feeling I get when I fail to get an erection during intimacy. That has unfortunately created a negative association with the experience. My wife is supportive -- but I am my own worst enemy in this problem.

I too sometimes feel a bit hopeless. Knowing that I'm not alone and that others have made it out the other side gives me hope.
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Thanks for the comments.

It's really strange. It really is like that experience you have when you've eat en too much chocolate, for example. I just feel ill at the thought of another piece. It's the same with sex at the moment.
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Force myself to do what? Get an erection? I'm still in a flatline. If I can get hard, then my erection usually disappears within seconds.

 

bob

Respected Member
My suggestion would be to just cuddle. Hold her. Give her a foot or back rub but make it clear that you feel the need to stay away from anything sexual. I would however, strip down to underwear for this. Not to plan for anything sexual but to touch skin on skin.

If you feel any urges, try to ignore them. Don't rush it. Just be with her and let her know you love her. And, if she becomes aroused, go ahead and touch her. caress her, kiss her. Might even draw a bath for her or offer to wash her hair, paint her toe nails, anything that she would do to pamper herself. Let her know that this is just for her and that you don't matter at the moment.

I suspect you will get aroused but resist the urge to take over. Remind yourself that this is for her and that she is more important that your sexual gratification at this time.

This might be challenging but that is what I would try. I don't think you will get any complaints from her.  ;)

Peace
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Thanks Bob!

That's some of the best advice I've ever heard on the subject.  ;)

We do cuddle and I always hope that this will get me more interested in sex. I suppose my brain is still fused after all the porn I watched. I know it's going to take more time.

Thanks again!  :)
 

PKCowned

Member
Thanks Bob!

That's some of the best advice I've ever heard on the subject. ;)

We do cuddle and I always hope that this will get me more interested in sex. I suppose my brain is still fused after all the porn I watched. I know it's going to take more time.

Thanks again! :)

Hey bro I know it’s been years but want to share an update on your progress?? Hopefully it’s been well
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
My progress isn't good Bob. I'm still struggling. I've been porn free for quite some time now, but I'm still having real problems with arousal. Any you?
 
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