I'm in Hell

Puggler

Active Member
I am in Hell. Literally. Ive been living in hell with worst life. I was rised by a psychopath mother, every day I had huge fighting and screaming. Every day there was a total mess. Every day was fight for survival. I cant say how many times i was thinking about dying as a kid. But i kept fighting and at the age of 27 I run away from all of these opressive people. I won. I became successful in career. I built a startup company. I met a girl of my dreams, literally a girl of my dreams. She is perfect 10. And i thought everything was over i could be happy at last. And you guess what? PIED! I cant get and maintain erection. Im rebooting exactly 1 year already. Next week im becoming 29. This year was full of depression and demolition. We are so deeply in love. When i look at her she is a real angel. I have one step only to become extreme happy but PIED doesnt allow me. She told me I love you for life, sex is not so important to me. I will wait for you till the end of my life. And im still lying down on my bed now. I have few friends and girl of my dreams. I am extremely deprrssed and i'm thinking that I will never recover either I will lose my dream girl and my the only hapiness. This is extremely destroying when I see some people dont get cured for 4-5 years. I'm in extreme pain. Will i be like this forever? Will i lose my dream girl? I feel like I dissapointed my inner child who kept fighting since he was really small. I dissapointed him and destroyed 27 years of fighting for the hapiness. I cant keep living like this. All i want is to have sex with the girl i love more than my life. Please help, I am in an extreme despair. One my demon tells me that she will leave me, and another demon tells me I will never recober. What did i do wrong in My life?
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Hey man,
there is a lot to unpack here. I cant tell you with a short, or even a long post, what you have to do to get yourself out of this hole, you are feeling yourself being in right now. So if you are feeling that miserable right now, and maybe you have got even serious child hood trauma going on, please consider going to a therapist, who can help you to get through this time.
No matter how deeply you are thinking, you are in a hole right now, there is a way out of that. I have seen some posts of yours and you are making great progress. Your gf doesnt seem to put a lot of pressure on you, so pleeease try to not psyche yourself out. You are on the right path and you will get healed, you will find a way. So try to not make yourself paranoid, because the only thing, that can make you loose, is to go back to P again, and there is a much higher chance on you getting back to it, when you are in such a state of mind. Also getting overly anxious and depressed wont help with that or your relationship. I know, that we dont choose to be that way consciously, but we gotta work on that, especially us long time rebooters, because we have got no other choice. So again, if you feel like, you might need help with that, consider getting help from a therapist. Its totally normal to get freaked out, when success needs that long, we are no robots, but we need to work on that. It wont help us to recover any faster, if anything its the opposite.
Good luck buddy, i hope, you feel better soon. You will get out that and you will get happy!
 
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Caravan7

Member
I agree with Jeks, consider a therapist. In fact, I understand you are professionally successful so probably you earn well? You could even go as far as psychoanalysis (costly). That school of therapy digs deep, real deep, and given your history, there is probably a connection between childhood trauma and PIED. Porn addiction and other sexual disfunctions may seem to be about sex, but they could be the ways your mind learned to find temporary soothing to repair/compensate for a deep trauma (plenty of articles on the Internet talk about this connection, I'm not making it up). While psychoanalysis is a long journey, it can be the long-term solution your are looking for. This is not something you can solve with a quick fix, I suspect. Also, be kind to yourself! With such a supportive girlfriend and a good therapist, there's good hope!
 

Puggler

Active Member
I go to Therapist and she maybr worsened my situation with saying that maybe she will leave me and maybr i will never get cured. The only thing I want to know is will i ever get cured? I want to stay with my gf extremelly much. Once she told me that you are my family already and seeing someone you love, loves you back so much, the worst thing can be is experiencing PIED whenever you dont know what will happen. At least i really hope ed pills will start working. Im in a total hell. Nothing helps me at all
 

Flesh

Member
Hey, with therapist it is VERY important to understand that u can go through 10 of em before finding one that has the competences you need for your problem. If you don't know there is on youtube and twitch a channel called "healthy gamer" I encourage you to go through some of his content, it's just great (about psychology, how we work and how to process ourself). I would really encourage you to change therapist, no therapist has the same way of doing that job.
 

Puggler

Active Member
Alright but im molested with the permanent damage. I havent had any relapses 1 year already. Im really afraid of permanently be like this. Seems like nobody can help me now, I wish I knew about PIED before starting watching this trash. Im a guy with traumas who needed love the most. And porn takr away the ability to feel love.
 

Flesh

Member
For u bad thoughts, you should really watch healthy gamer, he'll learn you to make the difference between the thought that comes to mind, and what you actually think. Because look at it closer, is it you or a thought that's pops up to your consciousness (the bad ones for example) ? Long story short, at some point you understand it is a thought from past experience and it's your mind (to differenciate from your cousciousness) that tells you that story, you wanna work on the logic and the emotions of that thought, what make sense to your past reality, and to your actual reality. That way you will be able to say, once the thought pops up in your mind, "ok my mind says that, but i've thought about it and it's not my actual reality, this is what I feel is hapenning, but this is not what's hapenning really", at some point of doing that, the thought will have less and less power on you as you replace it with the one you built up considering your actual reality. That's a whole process I admit, but If u're willing to get better u gotta invest time in learning about yourself, it's not all and always about PMO and being off of it. U had a pretty traumatic past and it recquieres some type of work with a competent person for your problem + your investment in the understanding of how you work.
 

Puggler

Active Member
Thank you for the help. Im in a really deep in hell hole. Somehow i have to managr to come out of it. Thanks
 

Fappy

Respected Member
you have to remember that by rebooting a large chunk of your mental health will improve, so dont give up on that. as for your other problems it is definately best to consult a professional
 

Maglue

Active Member
From my understanding ... nobody ever has not been fully cured if they want it that bad...
Keep going...
I'm back to day 1 a pumped ...
So in 1 year when I'm cured you will be 2 years and cured
 
Sounds like you have done a great job at getting yourself out of some poor situations already. It also sounds to me like you are continuing to do better each day. Well done. You have a very understanding and loving girl by your side that is not going to abandon you and this is very important for you to acknowledge. It appears you are going into over drive in terms of how you are thinking about everything. Time is on your side. Be patient you will get there. Seek the help you need. Try not to hit panic buttons. Hope you are doing ok brother.
 
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