Please keep checking in... I'm only on day 12 of no PMO.... You are truly an inspiration
My journey to be a better man.
- Thread starter guitar1968
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Sounds like a great decision, Guitar! Coming here daily is a good thing, especially if it helps to stay focused! That's what the forum is for. Also, where else can we go anonymously and pour out our soul when we need to?
For me, even back in 2016, it was a question of identity. I had a good streak going at the time, and I just wanted to quit identifying with 'being an addict' or something. I actually closed my whole journal and account (journal was, "The End of All Flesh"). But I slowly reinstated, resensitized old behaviors, and here we are...!
For me, unless 'they' drop that big emp, I'm not going to quit this journal again. I may have scaled back, but I'm never too far away. I may come on here at least 2x a week, and more if I need it. I'll see how that goes for a while.
guitar1968
Well-Known Member
The last time I was here I contemplating how much I still need to come back. Well, I need it. Things are still good, but I stumbled upon some porn on my Twitter account. Didn't linger long, moved on and went about my day. But the last two mornings I'm waking up with serious porn fantasy back in my head. This is that stage where you are between sleep and being fully awake. I have been able to quickly snap out of it, but it is there and even 151 days in, it startles me how clear and vivid these images are. I've really not had much of this in the last month but boy when it creeps back in it can make your head spin. I even had that thought like it might be o.k. to go back to porn. Just that little voice in the back of my mind whispering it. I shut it up, but I hate how it can come back so strongly after having such a long time away.
So I'm here for now and the future. I have to dump out my thoughts and pains here or else they will escape in other ways.
Have a successful week everyone.
So I'm here for now and the future. I have to dump out my thoughts and pains here or else they will escape in other ways.
Have a successful week everyone.
Yes I agree this site is important in our journey. I MO'd after the sex with the wife and this dang "chaser effect" is brutal. So I need to make sure no MO moving forward. 19 days without but after sex rush got me the next day! NO PMO but I want to win it all. So Day 1 and hoping to get a 90 day MO streak going. I just need to be more mindful of the urges after sex for 2-3 days.
I agree that demon voice is sometimes super loud in my ear! I have edged and it keeps saying keep clicking, keep clicking, let's watch! Thankful for your posts and hang in there!
I agree that demon voice is sometimes super loud in my ear! I have edged and it keeps saying keep clicking, keep clicking, let's watch! Thankful for your posts and hang in there!
guitar1968
Well-Known Member
So far I've been doing good trying to get to 90 days hard mode. This past weekend made me feel like bagging it, but I didn't. Since I'm in the 50's right now I don't see any reason not to get to 90 days. And, I'm not going to throw a masturbation party at 90 days and let loose. I may just let it happen after that point if I'm feeling it and I can just relax and let it happen without thinking about porn and of course, never with porn again. So it will be a natural thing when and if it happens. I may make it 100 days, 120 days, maybe more. I know I could use it for sure. Getting those feelings over the weekend make that quite clear.
I'm pleased with where I'm at. I didn't wake up this morning in that porn fantasy land like I did over the weekend and yesterday I had no urges to browse for porn so the program is working. I'm feeling good and I have a lot of things to keep me busy and porn isn't one of them.
Stay strong my friends. Freedom from porn is possible and I'm sure we all can get there.
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guitar1968
Well-Known Member
Yeah, I got a little edgy in my last post!
Anyway, things are still plugging along. I've got a bit of the nostalgia for the porn days going. Just a bit. Feeling like it was fun and the good old days. But I quickly remember how disgusted I had gotten with myself and that snaps me back to reality. I want to be past this for good but it is very hard to shake all these years. 5 months in seems like a long time until I start counting the 40 plus years of looking at porn. I'm thinking my case is not going to be a quick recovery in 6 months. I'm on the life long plan of staying away. Maybe I'll look back in a year and think how much easier it has gotten. Maybe I'll look back and realize it will always be there. Let's face it, the easiest thing to do is to just dive back in. Even though we know it's bad for us, it's easy, it's comfortable, it was part of our lives for so long how could it not be.
I don't want to let my mind wander any further with these kind of thoughts. I'm doing well, I have the longest streak going of my life and I just want to keep riding this wave. No need to crash or even thinking of crashing.
Ride the wave my friends. We'll find peace one way or another!
Anyway, things are still plugging along. I've got a bit of the nostalgia for the porn days going. Just a bit. Feeling like it was fun and the good old days. But I quickly remember how disgusted I had gotten with myself and that snaps me back to reality. I want to be past this for good but it is very hard to shake all these years. 5 months in seems like a long time until I start counting the 40 plus years of looking at porn. I'm thinking my case is not going to be a quick recovery in 6 months. I'm on the life long plan of staying away. Maybe I'll look back in a year and think how much easier it has gotten. Maybe I'll look back and realize it will always be there. Let's face it, the easiest thing to do is to just dive back in. Even though we know it's bad for us, it's easy, it's comfortable, it was part of our lives for so long how could it not be.
I don't want to let my mind wander any further with these kind of thoughts. I'm doing well, I have the longest streak going of my life and I just want to keep riding this wave. No need to crash or even thinking of crashing.
Ride the wave my friends. We'll find peace one way or another!
I'm familiar with p-nostalgia or p-memories, and it in part led to a lapse after my 139 day streak.
My answer to that now, for myself and I hope it helps you, is to just treat it like an urge (with rationalizations) and dismiss them as such.
The more rational part of you remembers how all this made you feel, how disgusted you were with yourself, etc..
You will be grateful that you dismissed such nostalgic feelings as mere neurological junk.
My answer to that now, for myself and I hope it helps you, is to just treat it like an urge (with rationalizations) and dismiss them as such.
The more rational part of you remembers how all this made you feel, how disgusted you were with yourself, etc..
You will be grateful that you dismissed such nostalgic feelings as mere neurological junk.
guitar1968
Well-Known Member
Short post today. Feeling good. No urges. Life has settled down tremendously without porn bothering me every day!
I'm just happy that I'm still committed to this and that it is getting better every day. I can't believe my streak. Never thought I could do it, but hey, i can and so can you!
Have a great day everyone!
I'm just happy that I'm still committed to this and that it is getting better every day. I can't believe my streak. Never thought I could do it, but hey, i can and so can you!
Have a great day everyone!
guitar1968
Well-Known Member
Friday morning here. I've had a lot of thoughts in my head. Some about porn, some about other things.
I've been playing a lot of music. Even playing out solo. That's new for me. I've been playing guitar all my life, but in the past 18 months, basically pandemic times, I started writing, recording and releasing my own material. Playing all the instruments, singing all the songs, doing all the producing. It helped me deal with being in lock down for so long and it gave me something positive to do. However, I never thought I would perform those songs live or with a band. Actually, when I started recording them I wasn't sure I was going to share them with anyone. But I jumped on Twitter, started getting a nice following, meeting other musicians and sharing my music. Things went better than I expected. It's been fun.
So, what does this have to do with porn? Ahh, good question. Here's my answer. I was never brave enough to sing in public, on recordings, or basically anywhere. I hated my voice, I have trouble finding the right key, you know, all the basic stuff that goes along with singing. I quit porn on April 15th of this year. It was hard at first, but now it's getting much easier. But as I spent more time away from porn, I started getting braver, feeling more confident. I started reaching out to people to see if I could get together with them to play my music. I started recording live videos of me playing my songs and putting them on YouTube and I started to get some opportunities to play out. I'm heading to play my music with 6 guys today and in two weeks we're playing at a fun event in a local river town. I'm singing in front of people, I'm singing and playing my own music and it is hard to believe.
Did my time away from porn give me the strength and focus to make this happen? Hard to say. I like to think it did. Instead of launching a private browser for my "Work Breaks" I picked up my guitar and sang and played my songs. I recorded videos. I reached out to people. I made decisions that I may not have made if I was still using all that time for porn.
Stay away from porn for a month. Pick something you have always wanted to do. Take the time you would have spent on porn and put it towards that hobby. See what happens. Every time you get the itch to launch a browser, spend a few minutes on something that makes you feel great, not just for a few minutes, but some thing that you can build on. You can read about the science on Your Brain On Porn or learn how much you are losing by reading The Easy Peasy Method, and those are important, but redirecting that time and energy into something that will truly enrich your life, that is amazing.
During this time I have also quadrupled my exercise time. I track exercise on my Apple watch and I looked back the last two years at my workouts. Before April I was lucky to get 10 sessions in any month. Many months I got 4 or 5. Here are the last 5 months:
April 18
May22
June 28
July 21
August 17
September - 10 so far
Really taking stock of what has occurred in the last 5 months just blows me away. I'm not here to brag. I'm here to say I didn't believe this could happen either. I'm here to say, if I could do it, a chronic masturbator who would watch porn sometimes all day, then anyone can. We all have to get to the point where we can't stand ourselves anymore, that is important. But also what's important is to find a place to share, get feedback and support and find success stories that make you feel like maybe you have a shot at this. Oh, wait, there is a place. RebootNation.org. We're here! This place has made a huge difference for me. I have never shared like I do here. I never had a place to let all of this out of my head. I may not come here forever. Maybe I'll get healthy enough to eventually walk away, but for now checking in here is a habit I'm happy to have started.
Have a wonderful and successful weekend everyone. You deserve it, you can achieve it and you can feel absolutely great while you're at it!
I've been playing a lot of music. Even playing out solo. That's new for me. I've been playing guitar all my life, but in the past 18 months, basically pandemic times, I started writing, recording and releasing my own material. Playing all the instruments, singing all the songs, doing all the producing. It helped me deal with being in lock down for so long and it gave me something positive to do. However, I never thought I would perform those songs live or with a band. Actually, when I started recording them I wasn't sure I was going to share them with anyone. But I jumped on Twitter, started getting a nice following, meeting other musicians and sharing my music. Things went better than I expected. It's been fun.
So, what does this have to do with porn? Ahh, good question. Here's my answer. I was never brave enough to sing in public, on recordings, or basically anywhere. I hated my voice, I have trouble finding the right key, you know, all the basic stuff that goes along with singing. I quit porn on April 15th of this year. It was hard at first, but now it's getting much easier. But as I spent more time away from porn, I started getting braver, feeling more confident. I started reaching out to people to see if I could get together with them to play my music. I started recording live videos of me playing my songs and putting them on YouTube and I started to get some opportunities to play out. I'm heading to play my music with 6 guys today and in two weeks we're playing at a fun event in a local river town. I'm singing in front of people, I'm singing and playing my own music and it is hard to believe.
Did my time away from porn give me the strength and focus to make this happen? Hard to say. I like to think it did. Instead of launching a private browser for my "Work Breaks" I picked up my guitar and sang and played my songs. I recorded videos. I reached out to people. I made decisions that I may not have made if I was still using all that time for porn.
Stay away from porn for a month. Pick something you have always wanted to do. Take the time you would have spent on porn and put it towards that hobby. See what happens. Every time you get the itch to launch a browser, spend a few minutes on something that makes you feel great, not just for a few minutes, but some thing that you can build on. You can read about the science on Your Brain On Porn or learn how much you are losing by reading The Easy Peasy Method, and those are important, but redirecting that time and energy into something that will truly enrich your life, that is amazing.
During this time I have also quadrupled my exercise time. I track exercise on my Apple watch and I looked back the last two years at my workouts. Before April I was lucky to get 10 sessions in any month. Many months I got 4 or 5. Here are the last 5 months:
April 18
May22
June 28
July 21
August 17
September - 10 so far
Really taking stock of what has occurred in the last 5 months just blows me away. I'm not here to brag. I'm here to say I didn't believe this could happen either. I'm here to say, if I could do it, a chronic masturbator who would watch porn sometimes all day, then anyone can. We all have to get to the point where we can't stand ourselves anymore, that is important. But also what's important is to find a place to share, get feedback and support and find success stories that make you feel like maybe you have a shot at this. Oh, wait, there is a place. RebootNation.org. We're here! This place has made a huge difference for me. I have never shared like I do here. I never had a place to let all of this out of my head. I may not come here forever. Maybe I'll get healthy enough to eventually walk away, but for now checking in here is a habit I'm happy to have started.
Have a wonderful and successful weekend everyone. You deserve it, you can achieve it and you can feel absolutely great while you're at it!
@guitar1968 What an incredible post but more importantly an inspirational journey for all to read. This makes me smile and I am honored to have been but a little part of this journey with you. You have beat this beast and now your conquering LIFE! GOD bless you brother! and as a bonus @Gabe Deem liked your post!
guitar1968
Well-Known Member
Thanks everyone for your comments and likes. It really is amazing how once we get away for long enough, we learn how little we truly needed porn. I spent the whole weekend doing things and it never crossed my mind. Sex crosses my mind, but not getting back to look at porn stars. The most I think about porn is when I'm here on this site, but I think of it in a much different way now. I'm going to be at six month soon and that truly blows me away. If I can make it this long why would I ever go back? The thoughts are fading, the desire and need are fading, I'm at a really good place. Have I truly conquered it? I won't go that far, but I'm feeling way better about it for sure and I feel like I have the potential to keep it out of my life for good now.
Have a wonderful and successful week everyone. We all have the power within us to walk away. We truly do.
Have a wonderful and successful week everyone. We all have the power within us to walk away. We truly do.
guitar1968
Well-Known Member
Not much to report. Other than being here yesterday I had zero thoughts about porn. Just went through my day. It's becoming my new normal. Even now that school is back in which has always been my time for porn. My daughter goes to school about 30 minutes away and my wife picks her up. That was an hour every day that I could fire up a browser and enjoy 60 minutes of uninterrupted porn. I never even think about it now when she's gone.
Pleased with the progress and the program. Keep marching on. Peace to you all.
Pleased with the progress and the program. Keep marching on. Peace to you all.
guitar1968
Well-Known Member
All good. I got to play music yesterday with a friend and we had a great time. Always something better to do with your time than looking at porn. Find something you're passionate about and focus your energy there. It really feels much better at the end of the day.
I'm at 160 days with no PMO. 60 no MO. I just might hit my 90 day hard mode without feeling awful about it!
Stay strong!
I'm at 160 days with no PMO. 60 no MO. I just might hit my 90 day hard mode without feeling awful about it!
Stay strong!
Glad to hear you are staying busy... Definitely important I am finding out... I'm back to the gym every morning which is great because often morning is when I'd be whacking away to porn. Day 24 here, not much has changed recently but I'm feeling good... Not depressed or anything but definitely not much sign of my sex drive
. But I'll keep pushing forward and be patient... Very few thoughts of porn and really no desire for it at this point... Everyone have a great day!
Good job, Guitar! You're only 30 days away from your goal, and are 2/3'rds there!