I will own MY LIFE

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alpayiba

Member
I am a 27 year old, gay, porn addict. I have struggled a lot with my gay orientation and porn has been a go to source when I felt down. At first it was a normal activity and I was able to stop doing it when I wanted to stop but things have changed a lot in last 7 years. I am addicted now. I had been able to stay away from it for 100 days at most and I returned back to it. It has ruined my life. I am like a mouse that is fed when pushing the lever. The mouse will keep pushing even when it is given electric shock. I have spent hours and days in front of porn screens and lost all my motivation for doing any meaningful activity for my life. I want to get my life back. I promise that I will not watch porn or masturbate anymore and each day I will post here my feelings and daily activities. Currently, I a am an overweight, suicidal person and I will change this. I deserve a better life. Dopamine rush is what pushes me here and I know it won't be too easy but I will. My prefrontal cortex will get back to a healthy person's. I will be able to lose weight, study, work and enjoy my life.

March 21, 2022 will be start of a new life. I am reborn.
 
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alpayiba

Member
I will report the following every day:

No text: When I read sexual content, it increases my dopamine and I need to avoid reading sex related content.
No photos: I should never look at or search for hot guys. When I see one, I should close the page immediately.
No porn: I should not consume any porn or sexual content which you can find in movies and series.
No masturbation: I will not masturbate as it brings me back to porn addiction.

I will change my life.
 
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alpayiba

Member
forestwater said:
Good luck dude! You deserve a better life than this addiction, and if you keep this reboot up, that better life will soon be within your grasp.

P.S. If you haven't read Easy Peasy yet, you should! It helped me a lot.
Click to expand...
Thank you for your support. I have struggled a lot. I want to live a better life.

I haven't read it, but I will. Thanks for suggestion.
 
A

alpayiba

Member
Day 1: No Text, No Photos, No Porn, No Masturbation

Study/Work Time: 7 hours 44 minutes
Exercise: 1050 meters swimming, 45 minutes walking

Today, I was very busy with a project and my addiction rarely came to my mind. When I went outside and swimming, I saw a few guys. That triggered a bit but nothing serious. I did not obey my diet but it was an intentional decision as I enjoyed my day. However, tomorrow I will stick to my diet. Currently I am 98 kgs. I need to be 70-75.
 
A

alpayiba

Member
Day 2: No Text, No Photos, No Porn, No Masturbation

Study/Work Time: 6 hours
Exercise: None

I cached myself trying to see some photos but I was able to stop myself. It was a bit harder than yesterday. When I am stressed, I am very likely to fall into trap. I need to be aware of this in the following days. I also ate a lot and was not able to obey a diet.
 
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alpayiba

Member
Day 3: No Text, No Photos, No Porn, No Masturbation

I realize that it is a path. You start with text and some photos, then a few hot videos then porn. Thus I stop and think as soon as I feel that I am on path again.
I have also decided to only record my addiction related stuff here. Because if I share other things they all become a part of the story and If I fail in one of them, they all fail as I am a bit perfectionist. All or nothing mindset. My primary goal is to get rid of the addiction. I do not want to ruin it with other failures.
 
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alpayiba

Member
Day 4: No Text, No Photos, No Porn, No Masturbation

Today, I went out for a walk and as I saw guys my libido increased. However, I experience the opposite when studying/working. I am not motivated as I used to be. Even writing this text seems hard to me.
 
Onmyway19

Onmyway19

Active Member
Keep going. The beginning of reboot is draining. But you're taking the right steps, just by coming here and not using P. It's important to replace the time you would normally pmo with healthy hobbies and activities. Read, paint, journal, exercise, anything but pmo or p substitutes. Get out of your comfort zone and don't quit until you're proud. There is a wealth of knowledge and resources here, just in this forum. Use them and don't be afraid to reach out. You're not alone
 
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