To be a better version of myself.

Burnside627

Member
What's happening this weekend brother?

Great work abstaining from PMO and getting to 3 days! đź’Ş
It was a very quick post yesterday. Wanted to just get it out there that I am PMO free. I decided to reset my counter not due to relapse but all in all not feeling like I was doing what i feel I should be doing.

tonight is dinner for my mothers birthday so I get to be around loved family. 1 am(East coast time) I’ll be working until 12pm. Then go back in at 12 am til 12 pm. Nice overtime shot.

I have always loved working over time. It makes me send my body and mind into a different place. It’s like I have to stay awake, but be productive. All about pacing myself.

the only time I had a similar feeling is when I was in pool(billiards) tournaments. I get into this zone where I don’t need to eat or drink and just feel everything. It’s a natural high that I love.

the downside is that I am leaving a lot on my wife . She has been so understanding of everything that I am doing. This past week most of the responsibilities in the house have fallen upon her. Now I’m adding this weekend. She is going out Saturday to discuss her trip to Greece with friends. I wouldn’t have minded going to hang out. I love spending time with her. Also time with my family.

a lot more time being freed up without P looming over me. Not obsessed when I can get my next fix.
 

Burnside627

Member
Day 4.

kicking ass man.
Definitely in a certain zone right now. A good one.

my wife is going out in a little with my daughters and I’ll be home alone. Always a trigger for me to initiate PMO. The upside is that I have been up since 10pm yesterday after a 2 hour nap, worked 12 hours, and going back in at 12 am tonight/tomorrow. I’m imagining I will just totally pass out.

one of my new favorite ways of relaxing without PMO is to take baths. Nice hot bubble bath. This is out of necessity somewhat since I don’t have shower doors yet, but have to stay positive and not say,”this is bullshit I can’t take a shower.”

I’m ready to pass out once my wife is all situated and ready to head out to her friends house with the girls.

she mentioned to me again today that she doesn’t think she will ever want to be intimate with me again. Not sure the precise reason for that being said in the moment it was said, but I earned that.

as I said before my PMO sessions involved sending explicit pictures of myself to my friend and him to me. I can only hope one day she will fully forgive me and she can find a reason to be sexually intimate with me.

it is a relief to know again though that sex is off the table. It leads me to be less frustrated when I am not constantly wondering and I don’t have a “justification” for my PMO.
 

Burnside627

Member
Day 6

there possibly couldn’t have been more going on today after work. I spoke with my therapist about not indulging in myself with either P, PMO, or MO.

right now my relationship with my wife is not sexually intimate nor would be sexually intimate for an extended time or maybe never again. This is due to my infidelity by indulging in PMO with a friend and having explicit sexting. Also she is under the impression that she has no libido.

my therapist feels that I am denying myself and I need to find a balance. That I should speak with my wife and be able to have my time where I can MO. My wife agrees with this, but in my mind I feel that eventually she will resent this. Like most of our relationship she feels I take too much time to myself. MO being one of the biggest.

With out the hobby I have of MO, I have been accomplishing more in my life. I am more focused on everything else that I am doing that to honestly stop to go through my ritual would be a chore.

I am indifferent right now to it all.
 

Onmyway19

Active Member
my therapist feels that I am denying myself and I need to find a balance. That I should speak with my wife and be able to have my time where I can MO. My wife agrees with this, but in my mind I feel that eventually she will resent this. Like most of our relationship she feels I take too much time to myself. MO being one of the biggest.

With out the hobby I have of MO, I have been accomplishing more in my life. I am more focused on everything else that I am doing that to honestly stop to go through my ritual would be a chore.

You know your body better than anybody else. Where many are able to MO and still be able to reboot, some have a harder time with it. At least from what I've seen.
The most important part your journal entry, to me, is that you're recognizing the benefits of not indulging. Not to say you don't deserve to treat yourself, but knowing your limits and sticking to boundaries is a huge step in recovery and something you should take pride in recognizing.

Keep up the good work..it will pay off
 
With out the hobby I have of MO, I have been accomplishing more in my life. I am more focused on everything else that I am doing that to honestly stop to go through my ritual would be a chore.
Great attitude - filling your life with meaningful progress so there simply isn't time for PMO
I like it!

That sounds tough about your wife too
But if you keep working on yourself and stay off porn I think you will improve the chances of her coming back round
Stay strong - sending you some support! đź’Ş
 
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