Forewarned -- bit of a winding post. Man, feelings some modest P cravings over past few days. 1-10, probably only a 3 at most (today had a spike of maybe 4, that feeling where your heart skips a beat and you're like 'damn I need to jerk off') but I make sure to quickly pivot my thoughts to other things to avoid letting it get higher. When I have gotten into trouble in the past is mentally exploring that scene and then getting more and more horny. There is temptation to just let it go and explore as it's been so long since I've nutted. What keeps me strong though is what
@SmokenMirrors mentioned, the fear of resetting the counter. The other thing is that I'm 26 and I want to get a move on with life. I feel like my interactions with girls are slowly normalizing and I'm scratching the surface of this world that I feel like I've been missing ever since I started using P. Reading success stores is great as every single one of those guys says it is totally worth it which I trust (though the cravings can be insidious and try to tempt you)
Something is also different this time. It's like my mind underwent a total mental shift. I remember I've tried to lose weight in the past many times but there's always been temptations for fatty food (mozzie sticks, pizza, etc). But late last yr, something just clicked and for 1 month I ate maybe 1400 calories a day (lost 7 pounds!). I remember that mindset shift as it was just so extraordinary and I remember thinking, how can I replicate that again? I don't know how but it feels like I've stuck it to my brain that P is now exactly that and I need to also purge it from my system. Which is why I have so much confidence in this 2nd attempt as the final attempt. It's not anger, or rage, just brutally high determination
It's been 19 days P free. I realize the big reason to want to fap is just the dopamine rush. Right now life is good and all, but that extreme feeling of pleasure -- haven't seemed to have gotten that. In the long run, that's probably from sex ultimately. Masturbation (without P) can also be a healthy substitute provided you're not exceeding 2x a week -- though right now, I want to do hard mode right until 90 days.
Hopefully the general happiness levels raise over time as well. Right now the pleasure from P is so much higher than anything else (wide gap basically). If the general happiness rises, I figure the gap will narrow or at the very least I won't need to find that P 'high' as much because there's so much general enjoyment of life. Anyway, as you can tell I like over-think stuff haha
I'm going on vacation to Spain starting Sunday (3 week mark!). Don't know how much I'll be posting during vacation but I'm back the Sunday after which will be my 4 week mark! Can't wait to make that milestone! Much love again to those who have supported me thus far on the journey including
@SmokenMirrors @cookiemonster @Blondie @TryingHarder along with all the other wonderful human beings on this site. You guys are a big part of my motivation and your encouragement keeps me going. Have a great start to a P-free summer guys