A little support because I want to become Better

What an achievement!! Again so happy for you. We were always behind you and rooting for you all the way and you definitely crushed. I only wish for more better days and more streaks to crush. You're your only obstacle. Congrats and all the best.
 

ladysudan

Active Member
What an achievement!! Again so happy for you. We were always behind you and rooting for you all the way and you definitely crushed. I only wish for more better days and more streaks to crush. You're your only obstacle. Congrats and all the best.
Thank you!!
 

ladysudan

Active Member
Day 33: 16 July

No PMO.

Day 3 : No IG and ALMOST NO YouTube because I came across this topic that I thought might be interesting and then I began searching for more about that topic. Also, I searched for some romantic movies people recommend to watch. So cringy ik.🙄

Watching romantic movies just sets my bar for a perfect partner higher and does not let me make or have moments of my own.

I really need to control my time for leisure.

Also came across a great quote :-

"Punctuality isn't about starting something early, it is about respecting your own commitments."
- Anonymous
 
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Congrats on another day added to your streak! That's really encouraging. On the other hand, I for one think that using YouTube for educational purposes isn't a relapse of some sought if you choose to let go of it unless if I've found myself binging YouTube videos for a significant amount of time without a reason for why I'm on it in the first place then I have a problem there
So don't beat yourself for using YouTube as a tool for educational tool... that's what it's also used for. choosing to stop using social media platforms is a great step towards taking control and I wish u all the best
 

ladysudan

Active Member
Congrats on another day added to your streak! That's really encouraging. On the other hand, I for one think that using YouTube for educational purposes isn't a relapse of some sought if you choose to let go of it unless if I've found myself binging YouTube videos for a significant amount of time without a reason for why I'm on it in the first place then I have a problem there
So don't beat yourself for using YouTube as a tool for educational tool... that's what it's also used for. choosing to stop using social media platforms is a great step towards taking control and I wish u all the best
I actually came across a Netflix trailer that talks about a guy named Hunter Moore. I'm not from US but I know cyber crimes happen way more frequently and easily in US and Canada. And so, this guy used porn but as revenge. Basically he's a sadist. He somehow obtained some nude pictures (and not just of girls but also of guys) and posted on a site of his own. He also added the address of those underage girls and boys and also posting information about their family (stalking basically). He did not even care about how one action of his can affect someone and give him/her trauma. Also, I realized that there seems to be a connection between Hunter Moore, Amanda Todd (a teenage girl who committed suicide after someone started blackmailing her to provide him more nudes), a youtuber that went by username kody1206 and ofc Anonymous (whom I really appreciate).But it was unfair and insensible that he was sentenced to jail for only 2.5 years. I seem to be a bit confused because a lot is seen to be happening in this story. And if you're thinking why am I telling you this...it's because I CAME ACROSS THIS TOPIC ON YOUTUBE.

Basically I'm a student who doesn't read about what is in the syllabus but everything not in the syllabus just catches my attention.

So, I think one of my motives while growing up is to protect the young children from porn and also from the person who exploits them.
 
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I actually came across a Netflix trailer that talks about a guy named Hunter Moore. I'm not from US but I know cyber crimes happen way more frequently and easily in US and Canada. And so, this guy used porn but as revenge. Basically he's a sadist. He somehow obtained some nude pictures (and not just of girls but also of guys) and posted on a site of his own. He also added the address of those underage girls and boys and also posting information about their family (stalking basically). He did not even care about how one action of his can affect someone and give him/her trauma. Also, I realized that there seems to be a connection between Hunter Moore, Amanda Todd (a teenage girl who committed suicide after someone started blackmailing her to provide him more nudes), a youtuber that went by username kody1206 and ofc Anonymous (whom I really appreciate).But it was unfair and insensible that he was sentenced to jail for only 2.5 years. I seem to be a bit confused because a lot is seen to be happening in this story. And if you're thinking why am I telling you this...it's because I CAME ACROSS THIS TOPIC ON YOUTUBE.

Basically I'm a student who doesn't read about what is in the syllabus but everything not in the syllabus just catches my attention.

So, I think one of my motives while growing up is to protect the young children from porn and also from the person who exploits them.
Your ambitions are really inspiring and I hope you accomplish each and every goal that you set for yourself. I don't mind a good story and that was very informative thankyou😁. There are a lot of wrongs than rights in this world and we happen to be caught with the struggle of choosing one over the other. The world definitely would be a better place without such evil as porn and your motive in trying to help the young and future generations is very honouring and for that I'm definitely behind you all the way.
 

ladysudan

Active Member
Lately everything is hard to put in words. Everything is tougher than I thought. There's a part of me that says "You have fell into this deep grave and you might just get lost in there and never come back." This feeling just hurts. I feel so helpless sometimes. This miserable condition of mine breaks me from within. I am lost indeed. I might have just completely lost what I have always been finding. Years pass, but I am so similar to someone who's in coma. You do hear...you see some things happening...your brain is alive but then you just can't do anything about it because your body and mind just no longer supports you in the way you thought.

Back when I was 13 and days were also hard back then, I used to read 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do by Amy Morin. This book had me crying sometimes. The author put my life into words. She also mentions about a woman she met. The woman was not living the life to her fullest or was happy but just accepted her fate. When asked about how long she has been doing or living the life in this way, she said 20 years. All this time, she believed in the back of her mind that she indeed was a loser.
This made me question my life.

I feel dark right now. I wrote this poem a few months ago. No one ever read it. I had the same dark thoughts in my mind back then and so I wrote it.

Check on me if I’m actually fine.

Check on me if I’m doing alright.

Check on me if I’m sitting alone.

Check on me when everyone would be gone.



Check on me when I’m finding it hard to try.

Check on me when I don’t think I’ll be able to survive.

Check on me when I’m feeling tired.

Check on me when I’m so done with faking smiles.



Check on me when I’m feeling wasted.

Check on me when I would’ve lost all of my interests.

Check on me when I would break down badly.

Check on me even when I’m crowded or lonely.



Check on me when I crumble softly.

Check on me when I’m laying down and staring at roof endlessly.

Check on me when I act strange.

Check on me if you see me overwhelmed.



Check on me if I no longer share with my friends or family.

Check on me even if you see my life going easy.

Check on me every now and then because

I might be tearing apart slowly.



Please just check on me, okay?


 
Lately everything is hard to put in words. Everything is tougher than I thought. There's a part of me that says "You have fell into this deep grave and you might just get lost in there and never come back." This feeling just hurts. I feel so helpless sometimes. This miserable condition of mine breaks me from within. I am lost indeed. I might have just completely lost what I have always been finding. Years pass, but I am so similar to someone who's in coma. You do hear...you see some things happening...your brain is alive but then you just can't do anything about it because your body and mind just no longer supports you in the way you thought.

Back when I was 13 and days were also hard back then, I used to read 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do by Amy Morin. This book had me crying sometimes. The author put my life into words. She also mentions about a woman she met. The woman was not living the life to her fullest or was happy but just accepted her fate. When asked about how long she has been doing or living the life in this way, she said 20 years. All this time, she believed in the back of her mind that she indeed was a loser.
This made me question my life.

I feel dark right now. I wrote this poem a few months ago. No one ever read it. I had the same dark thoughts in my mind back then and so I wrote it.

Check on me if I’m actually fine.

Check on me if I’m doing alright.

Check on me if I’m sitting alone.

Check on me when everyone would be gone.



Check on me when I’m finding it hard to try.

Check on me when I don’t think I’ll be able to survive.

Check on me when I’m feeling tired.

Check on me when I’m so done with faking smiles.



Check on me when I’m feeling wasted.

Check on me when I would’ve lost all of my interests.

Check on me when I would break down badly.

Check on me even when I’m crowded or lonely.



Check on me when I crumble softly.

Check on me when I’m laying down and staring at roof endlessly.

Check on me when I act strange.

Check on me if you see me overwhelmed.



Check on me if I no longer share with my friends or family.

Check on me even if you see my life going easy.

Check on me every now and then because

I might be tearing apart slowly.



Please just check on me, okay?


I'm so sorry for the way you are at the moment and words can't truly take the thoughts away but maybe I'll give a try. I came to know u on this platform and ever since have been moved by your story and determination. I can totally relate to the way your feeling as I'm in that place most of time. Waging wars in my head and trying to win, putting on fake smiles so as to not raise any awareness of how crappy I'm feeling in the inside. I honestly wouldn't want you to be in such a place or anyone either. There are days where I feel like giving up and giving in to the urges but again try to remember why I started and why i need to get it out of my life.
All I can say is you're not alone and we're in this together from start to finish. The days will come crashing down on you Sometimes and we just have to keep on going. There's a saying goes " If you're going through he'll, keep going" for when we do, we shall find success even though we may not see it yet.

And btw... look on the bright side. You can WRITE and really good at it. Just hang in there okay and trust the process and sooner than later it will be okay.
 

Onmyway19

Active Member
Lately everything is hard to put in words. Everything is tougher than I thought. There's a part of me that says "You have fell into this deep grave and you might just get lost in there and never come back." This feeling just hurts. I feel so helpless sometimes. This miserable condition of mine breaks me from within. I am lost indeed. I might have just completely lost what I have always been finding. Years pass, but I am so similar to someone who's in coma. You do hear...you see some things happening...your brain is alive but then you just can't do anything about it because your body and mind just no longer supports you in the way you thought.

Back when I was 13 and days were also hard back then, I used to read 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do by Amy Morin. This book had me crying sometimes. The author put my life into words. She also mentions about a woman she met. The woman was not living the life to her fullest or was happy but just accepted her fate. When asked about how long she has been doing or living the life in this way, she said 20 years. All this time, she believed in the back of her mind that she indeed was a loser.
This made me question my life.

I feel dark right now. I wrote this poem a few months ago. No one ever read it. I had the same dark thoughts in my mind back then and so I wrote it.

Check on me if I’m actually fine.

Check on me if I’m doing alright.

Check on me if I’m sitting alone.

Check on me when everyone would be gone.



Check on me when I’m finding it hard to try.

Check on me when I don’t think I’ll be able to survive.

Check on me when I’m feeling tired.

Check on me when I’m so done with faking smiles.



Check on me when I’m feeling wasted.

Check on me when I would’ve lost all of my interests.

Check on me when I would break down badly.

Check on me even when I’m crowded or lonely.



Check on me when I crumble softly.

Check on me when I’m laying down and staring at roof endlessly.

Check on me when I act strange.

Check on me if you see me overwhelmed.



Check on me if I no longer share with my friends or family.

Check on me even if you see my life going easy.

Check on me every now and then because

I might be tearing apart slowly.



Please just check on me, okay?


Thank you for sharing this. It is so important to share those negative feelings and emotions, and address them. Putting them out in the open takes their power away. Forces you to face them and deal with them. I spent a big chunk of my life running from negative emotions, straight into P addiction.

Negative feelings are a part of life, just like positive ones. The more you face those negatives, the more rewarding the positive emotions will be. Yin and Yang, dark and light, positive and negative. We need opposition in every facet of life, a balance. Both emotions are needed for a healthy mind and body. You're doing a great job. Keep fighting.
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
Thanks for sharing these thoughts, Lady. That poem is very powerful. I think all of us feel helpless at times. It's never easy, but that's life. When you're going through hell, keep going! I used to really despair about my addiction and thought I had descended so deep into the pit that I would never emerge. But I did, and I'm still climbing. Tomorrow will be 90 days for me no PMO.

Not my poem, but lyrics to one of my favourite songs, "The Bottom Line" by Big Audio Dynamite:

When you reach the bottom line
The only thing to do is climb
Pick yourself up off the floor
Don't know what you're waiting for
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey Lady.

That was a beautiful poem, thank you.

If I've learned anything over these last ten months, it's that life is both light and dark, both laughter and sadness. What's more, there is no beauty without the ugliness, there is not light, without the darkness.

As porn users, we seem to have forgotten this fact. By seeking only the "light", we've not only lost the ability to experience and appreciate the real light in our lives, but have also lost any ability to learn how to handle the darkness that is ever so present in this thing called life.

There is beauty in the darkness. There is beauty in the sadness. We just have to be willing to see it.

Embrace the darkness, and we will learn to appreciate the light in our lives.

I'm thinking of you tonight LadySudan

Best

Blondie
 
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