GBS
Respected Member
@downhillfromhere - you know it rains in Scotland, right? I mean….all the time. Plus don’t be surprised if the mood is sombre. Not been a good day for us in the UK.
It ends here.
- Thread starter downhillfromhere
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downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Day 47
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Thanks @LilDarkOne, some days I can’t believe I’m actually doing this. Wasn’t too long ago just making it one day was a struggle.
@Blondie, thanks! That’s a nice round number, just need to get past this weekend and it’s here.
@Blondie, thanks! That’s a nice round number, just need to get past this weekend and it’s here.
searching4good
Active Member
You got this downhill!!
SalientY
Member
Keep going man. I was reading your earlier posts and honestly was making me tear up. I am going thru withdraw from multiple addictions and habits and it's making me anxious and spacey as fuck. Stick with it man, we gotta work our asses off and fight! This is our lives!
Bless you dude. Stay strong
Bless you dude. Stay strong
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
@searching4good, thank you, appreciate it!
@SalientY, I’m glad you found something of value in my journal. You can do this! Only way out of these bad days is to move forward. Don’t ever look back.
@SalientY, I’m glad you found something of value in my journal. You can do this! Only way out of these bad days is to move forward. Don’t ever look back.
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Day 48
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
It’s a small thing, but I’m trying to sleep more or less at the same time in the weekend as I do during the week. Most weekdays I get up around 6, and weekends I’ve been sleeping for around four more hours - because I tend to stay up late.
So I’m up around 7 today, will be interesting to see how this will affect my Mondays where I tend to be pretty tired.
So I’m up around 7 today, will be interesting to see how this will affect my Mondays where I tend to be pretty tired.
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downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Just had a thought... I started my recovery almost 6 months ago, it's gone by in a flash. Still, I feel like I'm becoming a different person already. Averaged out, I've probably used porn about once a month since March this year. I will try to focus on that moving forward, things are looking up!
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Yeah, we need to think of the bigger picture too. If I were to continue using once a month, that would be a huge step up from doing it every day.
Of course, I aim to go further. But like you say, it’s a motivating thought!
Of course, I aim to go further. But like you say, it’s a motivating thought!
GBS
Respected Member
This is an interesting discussion. One presumes you/we are not advocating a now and then porn policy. I am pretty certain I couldn’t do that. But if you can and you know you’re changing then it has to be ok (for you). It’s not unlike the views some of us have about counting the days (and a subject on which I put my huge size 10s in it yesterday!) that one is setting oneself up for a fall if you get to,say, 500 days and then fail and have to start at zero. The brain won’t go back to being it’s horrible old self with one aberration. The goal is to kick the dependency on porn.
If I go three years and watch porn say 5 times, I could have had 5 runs of about 200 days but be on zero…..but I have basically fixed my problem. The fly in the ointment has to be that the day after you watch, is it harder….possibly way harder….possibly almost impossible not to do it again. I think it would for me because I think I am that weak. Very interesting debate however. Thanks
If I go three years and watch porn say 5 times, I could have had 5 runs of about 200 days but be on zero…..but I have basically fixed my problem. The fly in the ointment has to be that the day after you watch, is it harder….possibly way harder….possibly almost impossible not to do it again. I think it would for me because I think I am that weak. Very interesting debate however. Thanks
searching4good
Active Member
This is awesome progress Downhill, you're rocking it! Taking a moment to see the bigger picture is a great reminder of how much growth we are capable of, and how much more therefore can be in front of us too.
We've only got one life to live, let's seize every bit of it we can!
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Good point! I don’t think that one mistake totally negates every day of hard work if you get through a few months of no porn. If it does, it has got to be a psychological effect, that when you get down on yourself for failing you feel so bad that it’s like starting all over again.
I think the danger lies in a relapse that stretches out, and like you say - the hours and days right after a relapse are the hardest. Because you can say to yourself that you already failed, so what’s just one more time going to do. But then you fall back into habit and the wires reconnect. You remember what it was like to let porn take care of all those problems.
In any case, the solution is to do everything in our power to stay away, because we know we have a problem with this stuff. In my own case I am definitely advocating for no porn at all, I should be clear on that.
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Thank you! I agree, we should choose to live our actual lives and leave the fantasies behind.
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Day 49
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Day 50 
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Today feels great! I think I already passed my last streak, because even though I got to 60 days I had started cheating / looking at substitutes a couple of weeks before that. This time my conscience is clear, even if I made a couple of mistakes. Holding myself accountable and doing it for real.