Checking in on day 2 clean of porn. 1 day down. But I can usually handle one day. I was out of the house today at "work", if I can call the convenience store where I am right now until I finish my professional diploma "work". I am back home now and just going to write a little here, check out my legitimate websites, and then close the lap top because I can't be too careful. No Reddit this time. That is the rule, and an important one. I already felt myself getting antsy because I like to vent and bitch anonymously on there, but half an hour later I find myself on the porn side. So, NOPE! No Reddit. I noticed while I was doing my "training" on the computer at work that I was horny as hell. Don't worry, I didn't "do" anything about it. I just felt it. Mindfulness has helped me learn how to not "give in" to feelings and emotions, to be able to sit with a feeling, allowing myself to feel the sensation, without "doing" anything about it. As I did this I found images of my wife popping into my head. Images that were just her face, but others that were fairly erotic, in dresses, tops, and bras I liked her in. Other times the thought of her breasts came to mind. Like I said it got erotic. It was the weirdest experience.
As amazing as it felt to be feeling lust for my wife I have been around the block long enough to know what my brain was doing. My brain knew that it couldn't get its dose of porn, so it tried a different angle and went for the next best thing. It is not going to work. That was a fun experience, but it will remain only that for the moment.
Will check in later tonight.
Sobriety from alcohol: 48 days
Sobriety from porn: 1 day