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As a spouse to a porn addict - I strongly urge you to be honest and upfront. I wish my spouse had been. Tap into her compassion for the problem - I hope she is there for you. The longer it is hidden - the worse the spouse/s.o. Takes it.

Hey SOs - Just wanted to give you all an update. Have been in INTENSE Betrayal therapy for a couple of months now. Soul wrenching, deep dive, gut tearing work. I’m starting to see some benefit. What I have learned - 1. The addiction is his, not mine. He is the addict. I choose NOT to be a part...

Been there…am there…will be here for a long time. Simple answer - YOU DECIDE WHERE IT GOES. He lost his equity in the relationship when his addiction took the passenger seat and you were left to ride in the trunk. At 5 months post D-Day - Its about what I need and want - I haven’t even factored...

@Gracie - B-I-N-G-O - Trust completely/Betrayal completely - wow….that quote kicked me hard in the feels - exactly what has been lingering and haunting me.

@GumChewing - It definitely AIN’T easy for us. There seems to be very few silver linings - even if your partner was actively involved in his recovery - WE are still shaken and stirred. If I can offer any advice - focus on you - I really fought against being diagnosed with PTSD - But every time...

As a partner to a sex/porn addict in recovery - if you do not have solid feelings for this girl…DO NOT drag her through your shit - she may not realize it now - but it is the right thing to let her go. Focus on yourself - devote that time to getting yourself better.

@Gracie - Thanks so much for always commenting and sharing on your journey. It has provided ME with a lot of guidance and helped me in moments when I needed some “invisible strength”. Being a SO to a porn addict/sex addict SUCKS - plain and simple. Though we are only at 100 days post D-Day - I’m...

@Anon22 - I just posted an update on ME in a new thread for significant others - I could agree with you more - it is all fucking unfair. Praying for you - I hope your S.O. starts to own the damage HE caused YOU. I hope my update on myself can give you some direction or comfort - I am at least...

Hey Folks I know I have been pretty quiet the past couple of weeks - I appreciate all of you who have DM’d me - means a ton! This community serves me well. Just wanted to let you know that while my spouse approaches his 90 day sobriety - I have begun to start my own healing process. All the...

If you feel like discussing with him - show him some of the most common effects that a significant other goes through after a betrayal like this. One of them is paranoia and constant checking. I have not experienced this - but it is really common - just google betrayal trauma. If he cannot show...

@Sammyjo - sending you a virtual hug. I understand your emotions, can’t relate specifically, but I understand where your mind goes. Another inequity brought on by media, thousands of years of objectification, etc. - Its so twisted - I wish I could give you the relief your brain needs - but I can...

Totally different perspective here. 1) This is NOT your addiction 2) Yes, you have and are experiencing trauma - it hurts - it plays with your mind - it can debilitate your life (It has mine). 3) This is hard to live with - My husband was ”found out” about 70 days ago - he is seeing a therapist...

@KetchupDrool - Thanks for sharing your wife’s letter - I can empathize with almost every single emotion. Not having kids - I doubt I would have been able to handle their trauma as well. I’m walking a fine line right now. I want to be supportive of his recovery - he is working incredibly hard...

@The Tunesmith - Thanks so much. What I have not lost is HOPE…its shaken…but not gone for good. I do appreciate yours and others commentary to spouses - from the addicts’ standpoints. I am just so completely blown away at the UTTER PAIN, HURT, ANGUISH that this caused me and causes many of us...

@Sammyjo - That is a really cool experience with your husband - a “wow” moment. That is fantastic. I know you have more time than I do with this stuff and I hope, wish, want, pray - that I/we could get to an evolved state like that. I’m still so fucking angry - at him - at the addiction - at the...

@The Tunesmith - I married Mr. Spock. Not a lot of emotions to begin with and socially awkward - let’s just say he was raised Mennonit/Amish. he is a professor and AMAZING in front of a room of students - amongst social situations - happy wallflower. I’m choosing NOT to get too involved with his...

@Falconpunch99 - Hey - you were honest - and I don’t care if it was brutal or not - you were honest - good on you. Like @Sammyjo above - I “FOUND OUT” after 30 years of marriage (I’m gay and married to another man). The devastation is the single most painful thing I have ever experienced in my...

@Sammyjo - Your “question” is and has been a mind fuck to me. I am so torn as a spouse in even attempting to offer help during his recovery. With other addictions - there is a such a clear path for success/deferral/avoidance/ - with this - everything could be a trigger. Last night - was watching...

Thanks everyone - its always good to get different views. This is a cunning and baffling addiction - at least to me. It just seems like the significant others (me) get the shit end of the stick with the entire deal - The betrayal - which is enough on its own - The P - Now I am forever altered -...

As a couple (if you can refer to us as that) we are 60+ days out from his D-Day. Lots of friends, family and acquaintances have noticed “something is up” with us as a couple - missed engagements, declinations of party invites, etc. What I am frustrated with is I can’t give anyone an honest...