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Day 1 I started peeking a little bit on Sunday night, and Monday porn was all I could think about. It was distracting and unpleasant, but I stayed strong right up until the end of the day, then I cracked and started scrolling thru NSFW stuff. On Tuesday I continued to peek here and there, but...

Day 11 I'm trying to be extra vigilant today, because the weekends are when I usually have a relapse. And I also had a weed hangover this morning, which is also a major trigger for me. I worked a half day at work today, and so did the wife. Were going to have a lunch date and then take the...

Day 9 I had a meeting with my psychiatrist yesterday evening. The one who manages my anti-psycho meds. I described my recent depressive cycle to her, and how it was the worst I have experienced ever in my life. I told her how confusing the whole thing was, because I had been doing so good...

Day 8

Day 7 Kinda shitty today. Rained all fucking day, got soaked at work and came home to a flooded basement. Third time it's flooded this month. I logged over 15 hrs of overtime this week, and I'm starting to feel the strain. On my relationships and on my sanity. Ended the day on a positive...

Day 6

Day 5 Had a really nice date with the wife after work yesterday. We went in for a really long and relaxing couples massage, then dinner at a local calzone spot. It was a nice evening Today I'm going fishing. I live for fishing, it's one of the best parts of being alive. Feels good to be...

Day 4 My back hurts like a mofo. It's hotter than dogshit outside. Work was brutal. I know, I'm just a fucking ray of sunshine. That's all for today

Day 3 Im feeling a lot better about things today. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. Things will be okay

True story. As long as we don't quit, we are never completely defeated

Checking in, it's been a while. Life has been quite strange, to put it lightly. There have been lots of changes, most of them for the better. I made a job change recently and that turned out to be a huge positive. I've also been going to the gym regularly, trying to get back into running. I...

No Smoke: 91 days No Porn: 20 days Today marks an important milestone for me today. I am 5 years sober from alcohol as of this morning. Not a drop in 5 years. I thought I would feel more jovial about it, but now that it's here it just seems like another day. I still wanted to mark the...

No Smoke: 60 days No PMO: 26 days Not going to lie, life has been rough this year so far. My anger turned into all-out rage and I have been struggling with depression so badly that I was beginning to feel suicidal. Feeling like a waste of life and a detriment to my family is the worst...

Day 15 Just thought I'd check in. My mental state is quite unstable. I owe my wife and all my close friends apologies. I am so tired of dragging everyone down with me, it feels like my broken brain is corroding my relationships. I decided last week that it is time to explore the option of...

I have a drug problem. I have an anger problem, a really severe anger problem. I'm currently focused on those two issues, and I'm leaving my porn battle on the back burner for now. My anger and the drugs I use to control it are far more damaging to my life than porn ever was. I know this is...

Day 4 no porn Day 0 no smoke Still not sleeping well. I refurbished my CPAP last night in hopes of better sleep but it was not to be. I'm struggling with not smoking weed. I have a bowl burning while I type this actually. It's harder to abstain at the moment due to having a lot of it piled up...

I feel ya. Same. I also didn't make it thru the Christmas fuckery clean, it's frustrating. I fucking beat alcohol bro, and I can't believe that porn is a tougher opponent. Who knew

Day 3 no porn Day 1 no smoke Fuck man, I just can't get any fucking sleep. Been tossing most of the night, and laid awake for the last hour and a half before my alarm went off. I've been loaded up on opiates, muscle relaxers, and weed for the last week -- but not now because I don't need them...

It's not all bad. Yes, I had to restart my count a few days ago. That blows, but let's be honest, it's not the first time I've started it over. I'll be back up in no time. The days don't matter, what I do with them does. On the good side: my weed is harvested! Yeah buddy, and it's some...

I have a lot to talk about today, I'll probably do it in a few posts, as time allows. We'll see what happens. It was a rough week. First of all, I relapsed. It is what it is. I was out of work for Covid, then I hurt my back and spent an entire week unable to walk and eventually ended up in...