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  1. K

    New Journal

    I put on blockers again. I did relapse for like two weeks then about a few days ago relapsed from an old phone. Everything is back in place. I know if I manage urges once on my own it makes it much easier. Like for example when I had stopped myself from using another device to download I rarely...
  2. K

    New Journal

    Made it through the rest of the day felt miserable still feeling quite horrible today. I know I can urge surf I’ve done it just need to keep doing it.
  3. K

    New Journal

    I’m gonna focus on practicing urge surfing and not freak out about my failures. I need to start doing this more. I need to accept I will continue to have urges for p for a long time.
  4. K

    New Journal

    Got urges did not urge surf ashamed of the edging relapse. I didn’t finish which is probably worse. Maybe 3 hours total idk. Depressing to say the least. If I made it over this huge urge today, they would have died a lot. I had it for my phone blockers and I got over it. Sigh depressed now
  5. K

    My current state of mind + crossdressing/sissy

    Yea, it’s very sad to read about these things and people realizing after irreversible changes that it was their porn addiction and fetishes developed.
  6. K

    New Journal

    Yep, so far I’m okay, but I’m yet to have crazy urges.
  7. K

    New Journal

    Cancelled my covenant eyes subscription last night. I’m so far feeling alright. The tests will be when I get triggered randomly because the euphoric recall is easier to notice. Just got to accept this stuff and expect it more often.
  8. K

    New Journal

    I’ve had more euphoric recall. I’m really tired I want to sleep. I have had some really bad urges and I want to use which is okay. I need to accept this and not freak out or act out that’s what screws me is the mental freak out followed by acting out.
  9. K

    New Journal

    My blockers have only helped in the sense they have created a line I can’t cross in my head. Otherwise they essentially become useless because you activate the porn seeking part of your brain when trying to get around them and eventually there is a way, but having that mental block has given me...
  10. K

    New Journal

    Lately, I have been having some really bad euphoric recall. I always have a lot of it when I’m very tired and I am trying to sleep. I’m not sure how to fully stop it because it will happen when I’m half awake. When I’m conscious of it, it is easier to cut off. My covenant eyes subscription is...
  11. K

    Escape and never come back

    I don’t know how much you need internet or your smart phone, but I would consider getting rid of anything that connects to the internet and get a flip phone. Forced space away from p until urges can become more manageable.
  12. K

    Escape and never come back

    I definitely have similar pmo habits to you with the bingeing. The tunnel vision when there’s a trigger and the hours of edging is exactly how I am. What’s helped me a lot is just getting time and space away from p, the access to it just being cut off because then my brain doesn’t see at as an...
  13. K

    My current state of mind + crossdressing/sissy

    Something to read about in regards to the cross dressing and other fetishes.
  14. K

    fresh start...

    On finding openings around your blocker, I would recommend removing your blockers if it’s a consistent problem because that constant searching for that one opening activates the brain the same way. It was actually what worsened my addiction and resulted in unintentional edging. I use covenant...
  15. K

    New Journal

    Last time I relapsed, it was because of this feeling. A deep pit of distrust and depression towards my gf. My intuition isn’t usually wrong but my emotions are fucked from all the edging. Difficult to know if I’m judging things correctly.
  16. K

    New Journal

    Had pmo relapse awhile ago don’t really know when. I’m not counting days. I don’t want to track something like this my whole life. I haven’t gone back to using. I had euphoric recall today which I think is one of the biggest reasons I relapse. I’m feeling ok just tired.
  17. K

    New Journal

    Mostly hopeless, I just want normalcy, but that seems impossible. I’m back to not having extreme urges. I also have no hope for the relationship I’m in. It didn’t really have a solid beginning and it seems like most of my relationships have been like that just on quicksand not because of p...
  18. K

    New Journal

    a few days ago had a bit of a lapse needed to take pain killers for my shoulder was in enormous pain. I wasn’t in the clearest state of mind. Recently, I’m back on the horse.
  19. K

    New Journal

    Thanks all for the support. Something that this situation has shown me is my psychological dependence on blockers. I hope I can trust myself more in the future to handle urges without them.
  20. K

    New Journal

    Ok, will do. I made it through the day yesterday with no further risky behaviors.
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